not sure where to post this...

[Moor]

so here goes.

i am always the one that people come to for help with things. planning a party, a wedding, dinner's, advise. you name it, i get asked about it, or pulled into helping with.

so i have told these people numerous times, that if they want me to help them again, then there is going to be a fee. ok. not much, grant you, but for my time and such.
ok. got a family reunion to do. did it, great success. got paid. now family says that i need to do things for them for free. but i don't think so. i have been for the last 14 years. they just don't know what goes into planning these things. so i have not done one for anyone in the family this year. they are all begging me to help them out. i said, pay my fee and i will. still not paying the fee. so, still no help.

do you think that i am wrong?

[cissylu]

No I don`t think your wrong. I`m sure it`s not easy work and you need to be paid for your time . that`s money you can spend or save . they would have to pay some one else to do it.
(((hug`s)))

[FrugalMomof3]

I dont think your wrong at all, you already mentioned to them after the first time you charge a fee, that doesnt mean if they pay the fee the 2nd time that all subsequent times are now free. Stand your ground, your time and effort are worth being charged for.

[perSue]

i think in this day and age it's HARD to come by ANYthing for free... and out of "obligation" or "we're blood!", ppl assume that they can still get discounts or free stuff.

i think letting yer family know yer charging (whatever it is... yard help, make dinner, cash or a cup of coffee) is ok.

you have your own life to live, work, family, hobbies, and other activities...
and then "planning" on top of all that.

if they "expect" you to plan stuff... then let your expectations be known that you "expect" to be compensated for your time.

i think that's only fair.

[Dutchie]

No I don't think that you are wrong.
I know the feeling all too well.

I have been married to DH for 30 years and up to 5 years ago, I arranged EVERYTHING in the family.
My DH has a brother and a sister all now with grown kids so it's not as if there is no one to organize something.
5 years ago I did the last big party for the family which was a trip for the entire family (25 people) to Euro Disney in Paris (50th anniversary of my parents in law). The trip included luxury transport to the resort, hotel stay and all meals. The trip would be paid in installments by the family and would be paid in full by the time that we left for the resort.
It took me till 2 years after the trip to get everyone's contribution!!
I vowed NEVER AGAIN!!!
The entire family ALWAYS looks to my Dh and I to organize and carry out EVERYTHING at our home, from father's day/mother's day BBQ's to ALL family celebrations.
This we have also stopped since 'everyone will help out' and 'everyone will bring something along for the party' - sort of pot luck thingy, never happens.
We ALWAYS have to buy everything and clean up.
So we don't do it now much to the annoyance of the family.
As we have now said - it is now someone else's turn - so nothing is ever organized.
Rant finished - thank you for reading.

But YES!!!!! I know exactly how you feel.

[Jskell911]

I do not think you are wrong at all. I am willing to bet these same people have the attitude "time is money" right? Well, so is your time!

[Greebo]

do you think that i am wrong?

You are not wrong - they are. Family ties do not constitute obligations for your time and effort. That they don't want or don't know how to plan and organize does not give them the right to demand your time for no compensation, particularly given how much work is involved and even more so, how much they are taking you for granted.

I must ask, however, how much of your reasoning for your change in stance has been presented? What I mean is, have you told them WHY you are not doing it for free anymore - have you told them that you've been constantly disappointed by the lack of help in planning, setup, and cleanup? Have you shown them how much it has cost you out of pocket for them to get their free parties? If not, then from their perspective, this might be a sudden change that they don't understand and resent.

Of course if you have been up front and transparent about your reasons, then they're just trying to guilt trip you - trying to make you feel like since you've always done it, you're duty bound to always do it. This is wrong - family ties do not equal bonds of slavery.

[Frugal Nurse]

Time is money!

If it were me... I'd have fun with this one!
I'd print up some business cards... you know the kind you can get at Staples-

Moor Family Fun
Planning memories that last a lifetime

Call I.Play.Moor for the lowest rates (999)555-1234

Can't beat YOUR rate, there isn't anyone else around that does that stuff!

Please! and if there were... an event coordinator charges huge amounts of money.

Don't back down from your offer to do it for them for a cost.

Great job! that's a marketable skill you know! It's called Project Planner. Work from home.

[PrairieRose]

I've found that with family or friends who don't contribute much to such things you can spend literally all of your 'free' time doing things for them for free, if you'll let yourself fall into that trap.

[Ceashels]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. It takes a lot of time and effort into planning large gatherings and if no one else takes on the responsibility then you know where it is on their priority list. "Sure, I'll come as long as I don't have to do the work." That is the last thing anyone wants or needs to hear.

I agree that letting the family know you are willing to do the legwork for a nominal fee is appropriate as your time and effort takes you away from other things.

It can be as simple as charging a fee at the gate. Contribute a dollar or two per person will go along way in helping you cover your time.

When someone asks you to do it, say yes, but ONLY if they will accept the responsibilty of some part of it. DELEGATE! "I'll be glad to help with organizing if you will be in charge of the clean up committee, or games for the kids +/or adults, or you organize the food list for people to bring, etc... you get the idea. Have them committ on paper what they are responsible for and add to it everytime responsibilities get handed off to someone. MAKE THIS PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE. Email it to the family have several copies taped onto the tables so people know what to expect. This way others are accountable for making it a pleasant day for all and if it isn't then..... everyone will know who dropped the ball.

My Mom's family has annual reunion that has been held for the past 75 yrs. They pass the hat to cover the cost of the pavillion, the local add, the prizes and games, and the rest goes into an account for the following year. Everyone brings a non-meat dish for the community table and then brings their own meat dish for their family.

[Momto2Boyz]

I don't think your in the wrong. I'm in a similiar situation. I've done party planning on the side for years. I make a couple hundred bucks a party and it makes it worth my time. Mind you, I think, like you, I don't do it for a living, but just as a "hobby" business.

There are some that I do for free, but those are the ones that I would do wether or not I did them as a business. I did my mom's 60th surprise party, my best friends baby shower and my son's b-day (obviously) at no charge to anyone, becuase I wanted to do them for these people.

However, off of the first two parties that I did, I booked 4 more parties, from party goers. I've been trying to get away from it, but hey...the extra income will be nice!

Stick to your guns! And I like FrugalNurses idea of making up business cards! Print your rates right on the back of it, and any time someone asks you to plan a party, all you have to do is hand one to them!

[FrugalWitch]

Nope you're not wrong. Ages ago I had my own catering/ cake-decorating business. Family continually expected me to cater everything and anything for free..not even wanting to pay for ingredients costs! I never would give in and they made my life a living hell. I finally sold every scrap, every baking pan and cake decorating tool at a yardsale.

Good luck and don't cave in.

[Darlene]

I agree with the above posters, nobody likes to be taken advantage of. Maybe for some of these things you can barter. They will do this or that for you in exchange for your time to do what they need.