Upset with DH-long rant

**Paquita** · 06-03-2008, 01:36 PM

My DH is being impossible! He lived on his own for many years before we were married so he was set in his ways. I knew that and we have adjusted (married 15 yrs). When we were first married we did not have a dishwasher, no problem, I liked doing dishes. A few years ago we got a dishwasher. GREAT, you think. NOT! Here is the problem: He wants it loaded HIS WAY. Only thing is, I can't do it correctly(according to him) no matter how hard I try. I told him, fine, do it yourself, I don't care, problem solved, right. No, he told me I WILL LEARN TO DO IT HIS WAY or ELSE. I am willing to do it his way, that is not the issue. The problem is that I just can't seem to be able to comprehend exactly how he wants it done! I am not dumb, but he thinks I can read his mind somehow. It is like every time I try one little fork or whatever is not quite right. Dishes should not cause this much of a problem but this whole matter is starting to really stress me out. He is not willing to even discuss it. Sorry this is so long.

Paquita

P.S. I don't want y'all to think he is a bad husband. He is wonderful!!!!!!!!!!(else I would not have waited nine years for him to propose

)

**mommy4ever** · 06-03-2008, 01:40 PM

Hmmm. If it were such a point of contention, I'd just wash them by hand..lol.

There are some battles not worth fighting. Over dishes? that's silliness. I have no idea, but the comment or else, would get my hackles up and he'd get a piece of my mind over that.

**Mom23boys** · 06-03-2008, 01:42 PM

I was going to suggest washing them by hand too. Maybe you should suggest that washing the dishes be his job from now on since he seems to be the one who 'knows how to do it.'

**Russ** · 06-03-2008, 01:43 PM

his way or else what? That would bug the crap outta me if my wife said that.

Anywho, all you can do is try. Let him come in behind you and fix what he doesn't like.

**momof2joys** · 06-03-2008, 01:44 PM

I know exactly what you are going through. Well, actually probably more your dh. I was taught by my dad how to load a dishwasher, and my dh hates it. He tells me that I am anal and phsyco everytime he tries to load it and I re-do it. I really hate the way he loads it, because I know if I do it my way that I can get much more into the dishwasher. I would just have your husband load it how he wants it done, and show you where everything goes. If he continues to throw a fit, tell him that he can do it or you'll just wash all the dishes by hand. After doing that for a while, either he'll do it himself or show you how, because why would you want to waste your money on something that don't use!!

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-03-2008, 01:44 PM

Forget the dishwasher, do it by hand.

Why does he care so much how its loaded? Does he unload?

**grneyegrl** · 06-03-2008, 01:45 PM

im sorry your going thru this..ask him or else what? u r an adult and should be treated as such .. he is treating u like a child and thats unacceptable...tell him u will load the dish washer as u set fit and if he doesnt like too bad,,. and walk away...

**smk0817** · 06-03-2008, 01:45 PM

He sounds SO much like my DH. When my DH starts to criticize something I'm doing, I just turn to him, smile, and walk away. I let him have it. He usually gets tired of doing it himself and through the years he has learned to shut up quite a bit!

Stephanie

**latierra84** · 06-03-2008, 02:09 PM

do the dishes when he isnt home and do them however you like. if he wants the dishes done a certain way, he can do them. if its that he doesnt want you to even use the dishwasher unless you load it "his way" then ask him to show you and let him load the whole thing. close it, turn it on, dishes done. also.... paquita...... as in paquita la del barrio? and is that a picture of el cristo rey in guanajuato?

**ShawnaRae** · 06-03-2008, 02:19 PM

He seems to be such an expert at loading the dishwasher. I never realized how complicated it could be. I think he really needs to be the one to do it! I hate to think what might happen if your dishwasher is improperly loaded! LOL!

I'm teasing of course! Everyone has quircks, but this doesn't sound good. If you're the one loading the dishwasher you should load it however you want. You are very nice to try loading it his way, but how can he expect you to, if he won't discuss it with you? A dishwasher can really save you time, and you deserve that. I don't think you should go back to washing them by hand just because he has this strange hang-up. But if you really enjoy dishes by hand then that's what you should do.

Maybe you could try again, ask him to show you exactly how to load every item. If he feels strongly about the way it's loaded, surely he will take the time to show you.

P.S. My DH has a thing about the dishwasher too! I've seen him open and rearrange it before! I get a kick out of that! Of course, he never says a word about it to me! Just like I don't criticize the way he does things.

**Paquita** · 06-03-2008, 02:51 PM

Thanks for all the replies. I do wash by hand sometimes, I just need to put things away before he sees it, then he is fine.

Originally Posted by latierra84

paquita...... as in paquita la del barrio? and is that a picture of el cristo rey in guanajuato?

Andrea, Paquita is what my Spanish teacher called me. I don't know what the picture is, my brother took it when he was in South America.

**lgw** · 06-03-2008, 02:56 PM

Is this the only area where he demands you conform to his wishes?

My DH can be a bit anal about things, including the dishwasher. It used to stress me out. It doesn't anymore. I just tell him if he wants the dishes loaded in a certain way, he can rearrange them. Or I'd be happy to leave all of my dirty dishes in the sink for him to load each day.

But for the most part, we've gotten to a point that one of us can say, "Is this really worth getting angry at each other about?" That defuses the situation entirely. It's just not worth the fight.

**bleakoutlook** · 06-03-2008, 02:59 PM

Sounds to me like theres something else behind it.

Sorry he's being a donkey's behind about it

Id just wash them by hand. screw it.

**C@rol** · 06-03-2008, 03:03 PM

Sorry you're going through this.

Since you enjoy washing dishes I would just do them by hand or it could be his job to load the dishwasher. Don't let yourself get all upset. Take the easy way out.

**mombottoo** · 06-03-2008, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by Paquita

My DH is being impossible! He lived on his own for many years before we were married so he was set in his ways. I knew that and we have adjusted (married 15 yrs). When we were first married we did not have a dishwasher, no problem, I liked doing dishes. A few years ago we got a dishwasher. GREAT, you think. NOT! Here is the problem: He wants it loaded HIS WAY. Only thing is, I can't do it correctly(according to him) no matter how hard I try. I told him, fine, do it yourself, I don't care, problem solved, right. No, he told me I WILL LEARN TO DO IT HIS WAY or ELSE. I am willing to do it his way, that is not the issue. The problem is that I just can't seem to be able to comprehend exactly how he wants it done! I am not dumb, but he thinks I can read his mind somehow. It is like every time I try one little fork or whatever is not quite right. Dishes should not cause this much of a problem but this whole matter is starting to really stress me out. He is not willing to even discuss it. Sorry this is so long.

Paquita

P.S. I don't want y'all to think he is a bad husband. He is wonderful!!!!!!!!!!(else I would not have waited nine years for him to propose

)

I haven't read the other responses so if I am repeating something already said I am sorry. IMHO your hubby is a control freak and if he is so freakin hung up over how the dishwasher should be loaded then he should darned well be loading the sucker himself!!!!!!! You stated that "you will learn to do it his way or else"...or else what? He's going to treat you like you are stupid and can't learn anything? Your hubby needs to get a grip and I think I have a good place for the dirty dishes to be put and it isn't in the dishwasher.