What do you think of "Engagement Parties"

[mikandmari]

I have a niece who is spoiled rotten. Her parents are upper-middle class financially, but often put on like they are wealthy (we call them "the Rockefellers). She is getting married to a guy from an average middle-class family. He appears to equally spoiled.

I just found out that they are having an engagement party this summer, for themselves. They've already been living together for a few years.

My opinion? It's tacky... to expect a gift now, a gift for the bridal shower, AND a gift for the wedding Especially in this economy, and since they've been living together for years. I could understand if they were paying for their own wedding, but they are not!

I should add that last year I sent this girl a check for $100 for graduating from college, and never received a thank-you... written or verbal.

My mother thinks I'm being cheap for feeling this way, and I could just give a 'small' gift. To me, it's the point. Am I being cheap?

[nuisance26]

~I didn't know you were supposed to give an engagement gift. I thought an engagement party was just to celebrate an engagement. I wouldn't go to one unless I was really close to the person just engaged. It strikes me as being awfully tacky and self-centered to throw yourself a party. I think a congratulatory card would be a sufficient response. For some reason, people are very easily offended in the planning stages of a wedding so I, personally, wouldn't completely ignore the invite.~

[tbs727]

I think you should give them a used copy of total money makeover for engagement, wedding, shower, Christmas, birthday, etc.. Ok, now I'm being tacky.

[Jayne]

Personally I think that weddings these days are over the top and a huge waste of money....I would seng them a congrats card on the engagement, give them a modest gift for the shower and wedding and leave it at that..If they don't like it tough!!

[acidcookie]

~I didn't know you were supposed to give an engagement gift. I thought an engagement party was just to celebrate an engagement.

Me too...

We didn't throw ourselves an engagement party but a couple of our friends decided to. And by "throw" I mean they invited a bunch of our friends out to a nice bar just to have a good night out. Nothing else was planned or put together in any way. My friends and I just like to go out and celebrate!

[Greebo]

Am I being cheap?

Not by a longshot.

Don't let someone try to guilt you into spending money on something of which you don't approve.

[vigilant20]

People who are already living together don't NEED anything to prepare them for living together. I'd skip it entirely for anyone else. But for family I'd get one gift probably at the wedding shower.

[Jamauk]

I'd send a card - you've acknowledged the invite, but didn't wreck your budget.

I love the idea of a used copy of Dave's books! I'd maybe send that later - not as a gift for the wedding or shower, but just a "here, I think every new couple should read this" random kind of gift!

[acidcookie]

My opinion? It's tacky... to expect a gift now, a gift for the bridal shower, AND a gift for the wedding Especially in this economy, and since they've been living together for years. I could understand if they were paying for their own wedding, but they are not!

I'm back. I totally agree with this! We did not even give ourselves an engagement party and when our friends invited people to one we told them to specify NO GIFTS. A bridal shower hadn't even crossed my mind, and we're not even asking for gifts at our wedding and we are paying for the wedding ourselves. I'm moving in with him next month and we will have lived together a year before we get married. Plus years of living on our own, so we have more than enough kitchen stuff, bedroom stuff, etc. IF someone wants to give something we've decided they can help prepare or somehow contribute a talent to the wedding or help out with our honeymoon, however small of a contribution.

I have to rant about this because I had couple friends of mine who got married after 9 years together. They had already been living together for years and just bought a new house, but still registered for all the kitchen stuff because they realized they could just get "nicer" stuff. THEN they returned a bunch of it for store credit!!

I was just in a debate on a website about whether it's tacky to setup a honeymoon registry and most people decided it was while I pointed out that practices like the one above are what I think is tacky!

Ok I'm done. Stuff like this just really pushes my buttons.

[AmyBoz]

No gift...just a nice "Congrats" should be plenty.

[Izzy0906]

My friends all had engagment parties, I got them a very inexpensive bottle of wine for that night, that's it, no gift. I'm talking $8 for the wine. No one really brought a gift that I saw, mainly just bottles of wine.

[baxjul]

I think it's tacky also, especially since they were already living together.

[Darlene]

I think it is/should be/would be no gift, just enjoy.

[JustMegan79]

We didnt do any of that. To each thier own but weddings seem to be getting out of hand especially in my life! We didnt even register because we already lived together and we didnt need more "stuff".

Plus so many people helped out with wedding planning and decor and food we were more than thankful for that!

I have to be maid of honor in my best friends wedding in July and the gas alone to drive 11hrs is going to kill us. I really wish I could get out of it because I cannot afford it AT ALL but she is my best friend and theres no out. This is what we do for friends though.

[chewawalove]

Evil me would likely give them a memo board...with very large TACKS. Hopefully if they ever thought it through they would get the message. Hmm...might just give them an assortment of tacks.

Urrghh...people like this irk me!!