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06-12-2008, 03:15 PM #1Super Moderator
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seems a little tense here - time for a joke thread
It's been one of those days...
I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk FARTED and gave me a receipt.
I'm here all week.
Russ
Truck payments:109876 5 4 3 2 1 WAHOO!
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06-12-2008, 03:17 PM #2Super Moderator
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The blonde cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and His boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says:
"Well it's like this Sheriff .. I was in the bar down the road and this
pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I
did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.
So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.
So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties an d asks me to pull off my shorts.
So I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy ..." and here I am."
Son of a Gun, Blond Men do exist!Russ
Truck payments:109876 5 4 3 2 1 WAHOO!
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06-12-2008, 03:17 PM #3Registered User
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My mom called this in to a radio station about 15+ years ago and got free tickets to six flags in their dumb joke contest...
What did the snail say while riding on the turtles back?
Weeeeeee!
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06-12-2008, 03:20 PM #4Registered User
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ROFLMAO!! Those were great! Wheeee!
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06-12-2008, 03:24 PM #5Rude and Vile Master
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Universal health care.
Oh COME ON! Someone HAD to say it!!!If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.
Did you know that a 4 year student paying $20,000/year who finances their education graduates with over $103,000 in debt to start? But a student who works and pays cash and takes 6 years to graduate ends with $6,300 in their pocket! So much for "getting a head start by financing!"
Greebo(Nerd Spender): Loving and extremely patiently tolerated husband of ceashels.
WARNING: Y Chromosome behind the keyboard. Adjust your listening filters appropriately!
ThreeTwo mortgages,twooneno car loans,oneno credit cards, and a partridge in pear tree!
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06-12-2008, 03:25 PM #6Registered User
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Dude give it a rest.
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06-12-2008, 03:26 PM #7Registered User
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ROFL Thanks for the chuckles everyone!
~~ Dee ~~
8 Years Cancer FREE!
25 July 2003
Married to my sweetie, Jack
25 yrs.
Mama to 27 furbaby 'Katz' (as my hubby calls them LOL)
Nicky, Snowy, Olga, Ralphie, Sidney, Oliver, Fonz, Audra, Hoss, Peanut, Madeline, Tigger, Alice, Poppy,Teddy Bear, Mittens, Conan, Sherman, Trapper, Radar, Maxie, Annie, Rocky, Kali (AKA P.I.T.A), Jethro, Chewy Lewy, and Chance!
Don't forget to do self examinations monthly and have regular mammograms!
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06-12-2008, 03:33 PM #8Rude and Vile Master
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Dude, lighten up.
Originally Posted by Nishu
If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.
Did you know that a 4 year student paying $20,000/year who finances their education graduates with over $103,000 in debt to start? But a student who works and pays cash and takes 6 years to graduate ends with $6,300 in their pocket! So much for "getting a head start by financing!"
Greebo(Nerd Spender): Loving and extremely patiently tolerated husband of ceashels.
WARNING: Y Chromosome behind the keyboard. Adjust your listening filters appropriately!
ThreeTwo mortgages,twooneno car loans,oneno credit cards, and a partridge in pear tree!
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06-12-2008, 03:43 PM #9Registered User
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They made me smile......... Thanks a bunch........
FernYes I'm out of my mind. It's a dark and scary place in there.
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06-12-2008, 03:50 PM #10Rude and Vile Master
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I love this one from "Pursuit of Happyness" (GREAT movie btw, but a real tear jerker)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Nobody.
Nobody who?
......If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.
Did you know that a 4 year student paying $20,000/year who finances their education graduates with over $103,000 in debt to start? But a student who works and pays cash and takes 6 years to graduate ends with $6,300 in their pocket! So much for "getting a head start by financing!"
Greebo(Nerd Spender): Loving and extremely patiently tolerated husband of ceashels.
WARNING: Y Chromosome behind the keyboard. Adjust your listening filters appropriately!
ThreeTwo mortgages,twooneno car loans,oneno credit cards, and a partridge in pear tree!
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06-12-2008, 04:18 PM #11Super Moderator
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great one for the kids...
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You neak up on it!
How do you catch a tame one?
The tame way, you neak up on it!
Russ
Truck payments:109876 5 4 3 2 1 WAHOO!
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06-12-2008, 04:19 PM #12Technical Support Sleuth
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours??
Nacho Cheese.McD
-wife to Z
-mommy to Dubya & Moo Cow
Blog: http://familystylemayhem.wordpress.com/
My Ravelry: http://www.ravelry.com/projects/nicd...view=thumbnail
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06-12-2008, 04:25 PM #13Registered User
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Here is a funny but slightly dirty one.
An American couple goes on a European vacation with their 5 yo son. While there they visit a nude beach and decide to do as the locals.
After a bit the little boy comes and askes his Mom why some women have bigger breasts. The mother replies, 'the bigger a womans breasts the dumber she is.' The boy goes back and plays.
A while later the boy returns and asks why some men have bigger pee pee's. The mother tells hive that the bigger their pee pee the dumber they are.
Some time later the boy comes running up in a panic. Mom! daddy is over their talking to that really stuip lady and he is getting dumber and dumber!
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06-12-2008, 04:26 PM #14Registered User
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SENIOR DRESS CODE
Many of us 'Old Folks' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we tr y to Conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12 Inline skates and a walker
And last, but not least
13. Thongs and Depends
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06-12-2008, 04:27 PM #15Registered User
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OMG u made me almost spit our my soda on my keyboard, lol.... thanks for the laugh Originally Posted by rcannon
It's been one of those days...
I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk FARTED and gave me a receipt.
I'm here all week.
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