homebodies: feel guilt or apprehension?

**perSue** · 06-15-2008, 05:16 PM

inspired by the 'homebodies' thread...

how many of you feel guilty, anxious or afraid to actually leave your house and family to go out and do something FOR yourself?

i'm not talking fear of public places or small spaces or being alone.

i'm honestly wondering how many ppl feel this way truly that they just don't go out, cancel plans, make up excuses not to do stuff, etc.... out of some "feeling".

**Starlight9803** · 06-15-2008, 05:58 PM

I do to some extent. I feel guilty if I contemplate doing something just for me, especially if it involves going somewhere and spending money. I'd rather stay home, than go shopping to look at all the things I might want, but wouldn't buy (I talk myself out of purchases for myself). I'm also a bit anxious in social situations, and this keeps me from wanting to go out with groups of people. I'm not what you'd call agoraphobic (sp?), but I do prefer to stay home due to it being easier "emotionally" at times.

**janis362529** · 06-15-2008, 09:43 PM

I do at first it was due to actual anxiety issues but now I just feel lonely and bored. So when we head out it is for errands and to vist family.

**parthy** · 06-15-2008, 10:06 PM

I am so like this.

I have no problem going to work, but anywhere else, I have to make myself go. I love being by myself and hate crowds. I hate shopping and only go once a month if I can swing it.

I hope I'm not crazy, I can't afford it.

**Jamauk** · 06-15-2008, 10:10 PM

I'm like this - mostly out of guilt. When DH is in town he always tells me to go to the grocery store by myself, or just to go browse some antique shops, or quilt shops. Even just go get a cup of coffee and read a book by myself.

Since I'm with the kids 24/7 while he works, having "mental health" days are really important. But I feel too guilty taking them. I usually wait until I'm on the brink of losing it (or have actually lost it and picked a fight with DH over something stupid) before I actually go out and do something for myself.

Its something I've been trying to work on for over 5 years now....ever since we had DS1 .

**perSue** · 06-15-2008, 10:12 PM

and why do you think we - as women - do this?
it seems to be mostly a "woman"/guilt thing.
(i'm not saying men dont have this/cant act like this, just saying it's predominantly a woman thing.)

**jean08** · 06-15-2008, 10:23 PM

I have no problem going out on my own. No guilt. DH travels a lot and sometimes I need to get out to the bookstore or somewhere else to clear my head — all alone. I have had some anxiety issues going out in groups which I think is related to the fact that I used to suffer from IBS. Anyone who has had this issue can probably relate. Since I no longer have this problem, I'm much more comfortable going out. However, that being said, I still like staying home especially in the evening. After dinner I love to hop into my jammies and hunker down for the evening.

There's just no place like home...

**Jamauk** · 06-15-2008, 10:29 PM

Originally Posted by perSue

and why do you think we - as women - do this?
it seems to be mostly a "woman"/guilt thing.
(i'm not saying men dont have this/cant act like this, just saying it's predominantly a woman thing.)

I would agree that its predominatly a woman issue, however my husband has the same problem.

He works so much and we see so little of each other that we have a hard time taking any time for ourselves when he's in town. We both logically know that we need to have our own hobbies, interests, etc...but its hard to take even 3-4 hours away from hubby after he's been gone for 5 days....and I'm too cheap to pay for a sitter while he's gone.

One thing that has helped is that I've joined the babysitting co-op through my MOMS Club. I can leave the kids with a trusted friend (and they have a playdate, to boot) and get some errands run. On days when Hubby's flying, I can return the favor and give a friend the afternoon off....so far its working fairly well.

**baxjul** · 06-15-2008, 11:24 PM

I'm like this. I get very anxious when we have to go somewhere. I would never leave the house if I could get away with it!

**Moor** · 06-15-2008, 11:38 PM

it's reverse in our family. dh is the one who likes to stay at home. i have to make him go to his family functions! lol
i like to go out and about, even if it is just to the dollar store and look around.
but i don't with the gas prices being what they are.
but there are times, when i really hate to leave the house. i get in these moods, like i said in the other post by persue, that there are times when i don't leave the house for weeks.
it's not that i feel guilty, but at the same time, i do.
also, there are times, when i feel that no matter what i do for the family or friends, they just see right through me. but oh well.

**itsahumanzoo** · 06-15-2008, 11:39 PM

I've had a massage gift certificate for two years now and I still haven't used it! I just would hate to ask someone to watch my son so I can go relax and get a massage. Several people have offered to babysit for me, but I just feel really guilty.

**FrugalWitch** · 06-15-2008, 11:54 PM

I think women (particularly us old-farts...especially in the Deep South) are brought up to be self-sacrificing, to always do for others and to think of ourselves last, or not at all.

That conditioning makes it difficult and guilt-inducing to do something just for ourselves. I definitely struggle with it.

Logic tells me that I must take care of myself if I am to take care of others, but emotionally it feels to me selfish and something "nice" women don't do.

**Moor** · 06-16-2008, 12:05 AM

Originally Posted by FrugalWitch

I think women (particularly us old-farts...especially in the Deep South) are brought up to be self-sacrificing, to always do for others and to think of ourselves last, or not at all.

That conditioning makes it difficult and guilt-inducing to do something just for ourselves. I definitely struggle with it.

Logic tells me that I must take care of myself if I am to take care of others, but emotionally it feels to me selfish and something "nice" women don't do.

you are so right. i know that my granny took care of everyone up until the day she died. i said i am not liek that, but in a way i am. i hate spending money on myself. i would rather buy things for the kids (their needs) than buy myself those new jeans that i need. i have one pair, they are too big, have been for a while. or the fact that i only have three pair of shoes. two of them i should not be wearing as they are heels. i can't wear them because of my back.
the other pair is my boots. but let one of my kids say, mom i need, and off to the store i go. dh can tell me, i need, and off to the store i go. but if i need something, i just have a really hard time getting it.
dh has told me for years to get me some new clothes, but i am still wearing the old things. too big, holey, stained, clothes that i have worn for almost 10 years. now don't get me wrong, i have my public clothes, and i have my house clothes. lol

**SewCrafty** · 06-16-2008, 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by Moor

now don't get me wrong, i have my public clothes, and i have my house clothes. lol

LOL don't we all!

Just the other day I was shopping for a bday present for my friend's grandson. I stopped in to the Thrifty Shopper store. Um I came out with 2 pair of shorts and 4 shirts for me, BOY did it feel good!

**SewCrafty** · 06-16-2008, 12:32 AM

Forgot to answer the OP, No I don't feel guilt or apperhension. I CHOOSE not to go out much. My dh on the other hand is so antsy if he doesn't go out each day, I hope he does! LOL Drives me up a wall. I have always been a homebody (just what I always wanted) and probably always will be.

Don't get me wrong, I have done my time out of the house. I worked outside of the home for the first 26 years of my life. If I ever have to go get a job I would, but that just isn't the case right now for us.