Accounts and independence

[Buc-O-Mama]

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage?

We planned on having joint accounts.

His, Hers, Ours?

We have all of the above, but only for money management purposes. They are technically joint accounts, but we manage different accounts seperately, but still have access to all of them. He travels a lot, so it works best for us this way.

All in One?

We have several accounts at two different banks.

How old were you when you got married?

We were both 19.

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did?

We never really considered what our parents did.

What influenced your choice and did it work?

We've evolved financially and adjusted when necessary. It's all worked.

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them?

We don't do DR.

[yankeegal]

Sorry GG that you had to go thru that.


We have everything joint, but I "control" all of the money. DH likes to say that he makes the money and I spend it!!

I was raised by a single mother who was deserted by my father when she was pregnant with baby #6 (she was a devout Catholic)
He took everything except the house that she was never really able to afford. We had nothing and he lived quite a lavish lifestyle. That taught me a lot and unfortunately left me very jaded about "trust" issues so to speak.

I married a great man, wonderful father, but making the choice to be a stay at home mother (which I love) puts me in a vulnerable position money wise (he makes it all) so I like having the control of where it goes, etc. DH is fine with it this way.

I think a couple has to do what works for them. JMHO.

[AmyBoz]

gg...I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I wasn't being disrespectful in my response...you asked, and I gave my opinion.

[mombottoo]

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage? Just generally assumed married people had joint accounts.

How old were you when you got married? 18

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? No

What influenced your choice and did it work? In the beginning hubby handled all the finances, but it didn't work well. When I took over I had a checking account opened in my name only & that's where his paycheck went. This way ended up working out well for us, since I have always been better with money than him. Now, I added his name to the account but I still handle the finances. We each have our own funds that we are not accountable to the other one for...it works for us.

[walker24]

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage?
Joint

His, Hers, Ours?
ours

How old were you when you got married?
I was 21 and he was 26

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did?
No, the opposite almost. My mom had no control over the money. My dad took anything she brought home. I pay the bills and manage the accounts, mostly because I was a stay at home mom for the first few years of our marriage.

What influenced your choice and did it work?
Honestly, it never occured to us to not join our finances together.

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them?
n/a

[beks37]

Joint Account-when we were engaged, we had separate accounts and then when we bought a house (8 months before the wedding) we joined the accounts. It has worked great for us!

How old were you when you got married? I was 23, DH was 29.

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? My parents had a joint account-my mom stayed at home with the kids, so she did not bring in any income. My dh and I both work outside of the home and bring in income.

What influenced your choice and did it work? We knew we always wanted to just have a joint account. It has worked well for us.

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them? We don't follow the DR plan.

[TheRootedNomad]

Joint accounts here for the most part.

Ocassionally there have been seperat accounts for oddball reasons but with the main money staying together. Ex: DH has an HSA. The boys and DH are on the account but my medical is through my employment so I'm not on that account since it can't be used for me. Another time I had an account when I thought I might run my own business but then closed it as soon as I realized I easn't going to do that.

I was 22 and DH was 20 when we got married. We always had joint accounts because we consider it part of the partnership. Trust is a key factor.

I'm not sure what has influenced us that direction. Probably just simplicity.

[Russ]

A Otherwise you end getting this kind of advice from DR:
https://www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com...ContentID=1817

.

You have to have an acct to be able to read the web site.

Regardless of how many stories you can find like yours there are just as many that turned out the opposite.
As a matter of fact, I went through a divorce and the debt and assests were divided as they should have been...IMO.

Please do not mis-understand me, I am NOT saying you shouldn't feel the way you feel or voice your opinion. You learned a lesson that you feel should not be forgotten and you won't ever let it happen again. Perfectly understandable why you feel so strongly about this.

We all make choices that we feel are the best AT THE TIME we make them. If down the road it turns out to be the wrong choice, then we learn that sometimes hard lesson.

[Jellybeanz]

We have a joint, then he has a separate checking as do I. We happen to have only a joint savings account.

We started out with joint.

I totally agree with gg ( seems like I'm always agreeing with your post gg ! lol) ... It's an issue for me of taking care of myself.

I have good reason in *my* past experience also. A very short background, because I could write pages on it to totally fill you in , but : We were married quite young. 16 to be exact. Why? Because I was one of those teen pregnancies and our parents wanted us to at least get married to give the baby a name.

Now I know.. old fashioned, even at almost 30 years ago. But nevertheless we went thru a very difficult period going in 2003 and divorced. Never until that point would I have gave a thought to the money issue or expected my husband to react the way he did. He is overall a fair person, but his personality totally changed during that time. He went from someone I thought I knew like a book to someone I didn't have a clue about. Not the things he was doing, so much as his attitudes about $. I was in shock!!!

He still doesn't believe he was like that. Yea, we got back together eventually just got remarried not quite a year ago and let me say this - as LONG as I'm ABLE I will have my own separate account and my own savings . In fact, I've become a cash stasher.

The lessson has never left me nor will it ever. I do however consider it a wonderful lesson and a blessing in disguise. It taught me more about taking correct of myself, respecting myself and loving myself enough to look out for my well being than anything else could have. I totally see it all as a blessing now and wouldn't trade what I learned. And I don't mean looking out for me in a selfish sense, just in the sense that I used to put everyeone else first and left nothing for me in any area of my life.

I also have become more of a giver.. in all senses. Of love, of time, of money when I can.. everything. Somewhere I read a story about an old man who adviced every woman to always keep some "go to h*ll money laid aside".

I use that term jokingly , but I totally see its merit. And I don't think it's any more wrong for a guy too, I know my husband keeps a small stash that I know of back. That's okay. I used to would have flipped. Now I am okay with it, because fair is fair and I'm GOING to always be balanced.. giving and receiving, loving others and loving myself in a balanced healthy way.. including financially God willing. :-)

Sorry for the length of my post .. if you made it this far, then yay for you !!! LOL

Good topic ! ( by the way, I don't care what anyone else does.. I offer my story as an example only. There are a million different versions of it I would bet though! We just happen to make it thru and come out the better for it. Sadly many do not, nor are there any guarantees in life. But I agree with the one who said we learn as we go too.

[nuisance26]

~When I got married I had just a savings account. DH had a savings and a checking account. About 2 years into our marriage, DH closed his savings account. He managed the bills at that time and I managed the savings. By the time our dd came along we decided that I should take over all the money management so we changed the checking account to joint. The savings account is still in my name only. I disagree that having it in just my name make me think the money is all mine or that I don't trust my husband. He doesn't have any problem earning a paycheck and calling the money ours and I don't have any trouble being the savings gatekeeper and calling it ours. And to answer the other questions, both his and my parents are still married and I got married at 20(DH was 27).~

[frugalnana]

We have three checking accounts and two savings accounts.
One is for our softball we have in the summer ---joint account
second one is a joint account for all household
Third one for dh only--that was my suggestion and he is the one who has given me his password for online banking.

The savings accounts are joint-- one for special things for us to do and the other is for emergencies.

I had allot of trust issues with money when I first married and didn't trust anyone with my money. But now I trust dh with everything and he feels the same. We always consult each other about major purchases and if he or I need something we still consult the other.
Dh always makes sure I have extra money for myself.
He also wants me to open a checking account for myself so that if I want to purchase something for myself or the grandkids I have my own income to do so.
The reason I wanted dh to have his own account is that he loves to fish and when he sees somthing he wants I wanted him to feel like he could get it. He's very good about making good money choices now. Its not allot but $50 a week adds up and when he doesn't use it he has money to purchase stuff.

Both my parents worked and my dad was the person in charge of everything. They didn't have checking or savings when I was growing up and in fact didn't get a checking account until about 10 years ago. My parents were frugal people and when I was younger I can always remember my parents saving for things they wanted and paying in cash for everything and they still do today. If Dad does make the choice to finance an item he has it paid off in two months. But that is very rare.
My dad writes mom a check each month and gets her cash so that she can do as she pleases with it.

[familyof3]

interesting thoughts here. Thanks Ceashels!!

His, Hers, Ours?
All in One?

all $$ in one account, together from the beginning- 21.5 years now.

How old were you when you got married?

I was 23, DH was 25.

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did?

We were both raised in SAHM households. I guess that was the only example we saw.

What influenced your choice and did it work?

Honestly, we didn't have enough money to worry about at the time. I had been living on my own, DH was back at his parents after school. It was easier for me to keep paying bills because I was used to it, so I handled the money.

It's worked for us. Although DH really should have a better handle on our financial picture. He 'trusts me", that's code for "Im too lazy to check it out". I recently had surgery and was freaking out making sure he knew account numbers etc in case something bad happened. DR has a name for that - love box, love drawer????

[Mamaof2rugrats]

His, Hers, Ours?
1st marriage- Ours meaning that my name was on the account as well but my ex husband wouldn't give me passwords or let me spend any of it.
2nd marriage- (getting married...) will be Ours with me in control of the finances.

How old were you when you got married?

1st time- Married several years and divorced by 20.
This time- 23 and 30.

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did?

I would like to keep a better eye on my finances than they did so yes that effects it I guess.

What influenced your choice and did it work?

Joint everything is just the way I think it ought to work.

[geckoace]

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage? his mine and ours i think everyone should have something to call their own

His, Hers, Ours? this one although we each have access to everything and i manage everything now,
All in One?

How old were you when you got married? 25 and 25

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did?
hard to say, i come from a single parent household and DHs mom was a widow when he was 12, both struggled

What influenced your choice and did it work?
its working so far, i am a better money manager than DH he doesnt think to the future very well, he didnt have alot of responsibility growing up and he used to being taken care off

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them?