Accounts and independence

**Ceashels** · 07-01-2008, 05:00 PM

I didn't wish to derail the accountability thread so I pasted this new topic here! Great topic gg!

Originally Posted by gg

It's just a bit unusual to see a couple choose to have only joint accounts. 4/5 married couples today have both joint and separate accounts. .

And up until this week we were one of those 4. It is a very interesting statistic though, I wonder if and it how it correlates to the divorce rate and expectations in a relationship. If the parents of children are divorced do they in turn wish to have that "independent security" when they enter into a marriage as adults?

I'm sure everyone will have a different answer to the following, but I think it will be interesting to know:
What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage?

His, Hers, Ours?
All in One?

How old were you when you got married?
Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did?
What influenced your choice and did it work?
If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them?

**Royal** · 07-01-2008, 05:08 PM

When me and DH got married 8 years ago (I was 23 and DH 22) it was the normal thing to do to have joint accounts. We didn't even consider having seperate accounts. My parents always said that it was a trust issue if you needed seperate accounts.

**Jamauk** · 07-01-2008, 05:16 PM

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage?

His, Hers, Ours? - while this was my expectation, we actually have an all in one and it works way better.
All in One?

How old were you when you got married? 28 (this time around)

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? My parents never talked about money with us. It wasn't until I was older that I knew how my parents handled money ~ ironically though, I am now recognizing that a lot of my attitude towards money/finances is due to the way my parents dealt with their money.

What influenced your choice and did it work? Because of DH's schedule, paying the bills and the day to day finance stuff kind of fell to me. Since he brings all of the money home, but I'm in charge of it going out it just doesn't make sense to have more than one account.

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them? We are just now following the DR plan, and we've had joint accounts since a few months after we were married.

Great Questions Ceashels!

**Jamauk** · 07-01-2008, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by Royal

When me and DH got married 8 years ago (I was 23 and DH 22) it was the normal thing to do to have joint accounts. We didn't even consider having seperate accounts. My parents always said that it was a trust issue if you needed seperate accounts.

I agree with that 100% If you have seperate accounts, you start to think of it as "my money" and "his money" and not "our money"

**itsahumanzoo** · 07-01-2008, 05:37 PM

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage? It's interesting, because we actually ended up having a joint accounts before we got married. We were living together and DH worked more than me so I took care of the bills so it was only right.

How old were you when you got married? I was 20 and DH just turned 25.
Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? I don't really know how my parents handle(d) money. They didn't share that kind of information with me.
What influenced your choice and did it work? Necessity, really. And yes it worked fine.
If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them? Do not follow.

I also agree 100% that having separate accounts when married is a trust issue. I have never been the breadwinner, so if anyone was to have trust issues, it would have been my DH. He is probably one of the most trusting people in the world. Before me, his gf of 4 years (they had a joint account) left him and cleaned out the bank account to fund her move. If I was him, I would have waited until marriage to even do that again. But he didn't. So he's either really trusting, or very very naive.

**Ceashels** · 07-01-2008, 06:19 PM

How old were you when you got married? 38 yrs and this is my first marriage.

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? No, my folks always bickered about money. Constantly. Everything made due, rarely were things ever purchased new. My Mom went on a spending spree after the old man died and she painted the walls that hadn't been painted in 20 yrs.
What influenced your choice and did it work? I like the flat tax. We put in equal percentages of our take income and lived within those means. That way there wouldn't be bickering about what the other person needed/wanted to buy.
If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them? We do now!

**janelane** · 07-01-2008, 06:33 PM

The Doctor and I moved in together in 1999. I was 20 & he was 25. At first we each had a separate account for our own things, and a joint account for household bills.

I don't know exactly what happened, considering he even used to run his own business when he was all of 15. He often comments how he doesn't know either. I think the day we moved in together, something just went to sleep in his brain that enabled him to deal with money, because all of a sudden he was overdrafting and forgetting payments were due so they'd be late. I tried to help him, but it became clear I just needed to do it. I've always been anal with my money -- I have OCD, so here's a place to turn a negative into a positive -- so he agreed (begrudgingly) that I just take everything over. Once I was doing the numbers, it was just tedious and pointless to have separate accounts.

Now, he's had a chance to redeem himself a little and he's taken care of his businesss accounting for the last five years or so. But again, for some reason, he ended up overdrawing. I'm taking accounting classes right now so I can better handle the financial side of the business. I think he's relieved to give it up this time.

We were together four years -- living together for two -- before we got married so our financial expectations & goals, like our relationship (and ourselves and our outlook on life, considering how young we were), had time to evolve, mature, and somewhat solidify before we tied the knot. We are really *we* -- nothing is just mine or his, it's ours (well, except for our cds, for some reason, 11 years on, he still won't let them mingle, lol.)

We don't spend any money without checking with the other person (unless it's out of a preset cash allowance.)

I am CFO and R&D of Team OurLastName. He's the Prez/CEO, he also handles PR (I'm terrible at socializing!) That's how I see it. He makes the money (I bring in an insignificant bit really), I figure out where it's gotta go, report to him and let him know what we have to work with. I had a friend make fun of me for the way we work, but I felt really validated when a millionare next door type called into Dave a couple months ago and said the same thing!! (that she was CFO)

Influence from my parents on how to handle money was in the form of examples of how *not* to, which is probably why I feel the need to have such control over it.

We just discovered Dave in March, I think. So all this was in place already.

**Russ** · 07-01-2008, 06:40 PM

Been married 17 years and have joint accts from the beginning.

Dad just spent it seemd, no clue what is bank accts looked like, but he thought you should never pay off a house. So I guess I can guarantee I would NOT do it like he did.

**McD** · 07-01-2008, 07:20 PM

We've been married almost 3 years and have always had joint accounts. We each have a separate savings account though.

**Michelle68** · 07-01-2008, 07:29 PM

All in one for us.(Joint accounts)

How old were you when you got married?
DH was 24 and I was 21 years old when we married.We've been married almost 19 years

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did?
I had no idea. My mom and dad were divorced and my father-in-law was a widower. DH and I had nothing else to go by when we were married.

What influenced your choice and did it work?
It just seemed like the easiest way to do things and it's always worked out well for us.We didn't even know about Dave Ramsey when we were first married.

--Michelle

**mhope** · 07-01-2008, 07:32 PM

Separate. He has no accounts but I do. It has all to do with how we file my taxes.

**Michelle** · 07-01-2008, 07:33 PM

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage? I never really gave it much thought. We share(d) our money, so I didn't see a reason to have separate accounts.

His, Hers, Ours?
All in One? Ours. The only account we have that is separate is Dave's side business, and he'd have no problem putting my name on it, I bet. I think he just opened it in his name because his name is on his business license.

How old were you when you got married? 24

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? I guess this played a role, but I never consciously said, "well mom and dad did it this way, so I should too". It just seemed like the way to do it. I never considered having my own accounts.
What influenced your choice and did it work? It just made sense to have a joint account when we got married. We were living together for almost 2 yrs before getting married, and we used separate checking accounts then (because we had them when we met), but we shared our money.
If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them? We have joint accounts now, but it really doesn't have anything to do with following the DR plan.

**AmyBoz** · 07-01-2008, 07:44 PM

His, Hers, Ours? Ours

How old were you when you got married? 26

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? I had no idea what my parents did or didn't do with money...all I knew was that we never really had a lot compared to my friends.

What influenced your choice and did it work? I don't think anything influenced my choice other than my belief that marriage is a partnership. Anyone who really knows me would agree that I am fiercely independent. However, keeping separate accounts just doesn't jive with my idea of marriage. Might as well just live together if you aren't going to really commit to each other in every way.

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them? Read his TMMO and thought it was good, but on the whole, not a big DR fan. He doesn't really allow for differences among people.

**Neeley** · 07-01-2008, 07:55 PM

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage?
We knew we would have only joint accounts.

His, Hers, Ours?
Ours only. This includes the kids. Nothing in our home, money included, is just mine and his. It is all of ours.
DH does have his name as a joint on my mom's savings account per her request. Due to my health, he will most likely out live me and she wanted one of us on the account with her. He was the logical choice.This is the only account his name is on that mine is not.

All in One?
We have two checking accounts, one personal and one business. Plus six savings accounts including the one for each of the kids.

How old were you when you got married?
I was 19 and he was 20 when were got married.

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? It never really occurred to me. We are equal partners - 50/50. We make all decisions together. It only seems right that we have all of our money together.
My parents always had joint accounts. Even after they divorced, they kept joint accounts (my parents have always been best friends to each other). His parents have always had joint accounts as well.

What influenced your choice and did it work?
Keeping only joint accounts is just the way we want to do it. We like to have everything in our lives together. There is no need for us to bring any type of separation between us. It has worked for us for over 16 years.

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them?
We are not DR fans.

Having separate accounts obviously works for some, but is not something we would ever consider.

**inneedofhope** · 07-01-2008, 08:19 PM

What were your expectations of bank accounts were when you entered into marriage?
I expected to have a joint account.

His, Hers, Ours?
Ours

How old were you when you got married? 26, divorced at 28

Did you have the idea you would do it as your parents did? Yes, I kept my savings, but it was our money and started an account for DS.

What influenced your choice and did it work? My ex was not great with $$, but I was and had more time to manage it. His pay was for living expenses, mine for groceries and extras. It worked for the most part, but he felt deprived wanted more blow $$ that we just didn't have.
We handled it just fine through the divorce. Neither of us cleaned the other out or anything.

If you follow the DR plan, did you have separate accounts then join them?
We didn't follow DR, but a similar plan. We had separate accounts before marriage and joint after. When we divorced we simply separated the accounts, agreeing on a fair split. Perhaps it could've been uglier if there were assets to argue about.

Having the joint account made sense to us, it was simple, we owned everything jointly anyway.
My mom always had her own savings, which was necessary in my dad's opinion as well, since he would spend it if he could and he wanted her to have $$ of her own in case he decided leave.

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