How to be a good wife? What does it take?

**PurpleSnowflake** · 07-08-2008, 03:46 PM

Ok I am making a two threads, one for both "sides". Men and women please respond to both!!!!

HOW do you think you can be a good wife?

**PurpleSnowflake** · 07-08-2008, 03:48 PM

Realizing everyone is coming from a different place! And if you are in a same sex relationship just post on whatever side "fits"

**Cricket1** · 07-08-2008, 03:52 PM

Well--I'm a mediocre wife, at best, BUT here's what I can tell you after 15 years of marriage. Listen. Listen to what he's not even saying. I can always tell what my husband is stressed about before he says anything. Work, bad day with the kids, etc. I just know. And then I ask him to talk about it. And I listen. I don't jump to conclusions.

Also, he works very hard so that I only have to work part time. Many times, he comes home from a full day and I have to work so he's immediately with the kids. I understand (and he's great at this, too) when he needs time away. Sometimes I'll ask him if he has any friends he can call to go have a beer with. Just so that he can have time to himself.

**itsahumanzoo** · 07-08-2008, 03:54 PM

I think I am a good wife. I know that my husband has a stressful job, and he usually comes home tired and ravenously hungry. I like to be somewhat old fashioned and have dinner waiting for him when he gets home so he can eat, and then sit down and relax after dinner. Just last night, I was putting dinner on the table and I grabbed a coke out of the fridge for him. He didn't see that, and he said "Can you please get me I coke?" I just smiled and held up the can I already had in my hand. I'm a mind reader.

Of course, being a good wife isn't just about putting dinner on the table every night and keeping a clean house... I don't think there are any right or wrong answers to this question. Our husbands are all different, and probably appreciate certain things more than others. I am curious to see what others put.

**C@rol** · 07-08-2008, 04:00 PM

Be very flexible, adaptable and sensitive to your husbands needs. But also be able to sometimes demand what you need. Don't be a doormat, demand respect as well as give it. Remember to say "Thank You" and "Please." Compliments, support and encouragement go a long way with your husband/partner.

**savvymom** · 07-08-2008, 04:09 PM

When we were first married my husband appreciated my grabbing him a drink when I went into the kitchen or if he'd been on the road I'd make sure the house smelled fresh and clean so he could relax.

Now I'm finding he's most appreciative that I can still look at him as a human, who isn't perfect, and still be his cheerleader. When everyone else (friends) turned their back on him I was there still cheering him on, or giving him a swift kick in the butt (figuratively) when necessary. I allow him the time he needs to think or whatever men do when they don't want to talk, and when he's ready I'm there to listen. I don't allow him to wallow forever, and occasionally it's necessary to bring him back to reality. It works for us, and I can't tell you how often he thanks me just for being supportive of him.

I try to remain open minded to his ideas, and we work together as often as possible to reach a compromise that suits us both.

**celina** · 07-08-2008, 04:52 PM

Effort, trying to do what is right by him and by the family, even with all my flaws and failures and imperfection, when i try, he is quite pleased and responds in kind...

**FrugalMomof3** · 07-08-2008, 05:09 PM

I think I am a good wife...

- Listen to your man
- Take care of your man (sexual and food wise)
- Let your man be able to talk to you about anything
- Be your man's best friend
- Pamper your man
- APPRECIATE your man for all he does
- Let him win some arguments (even if you feel he is wrong)
- Let him be himself
- Dont try to change him, only he can change himself and that's IF he wants to

On another note since I am a SAHW/M:
- Have dinner ready when he get's home
- Take care of the household aspects
- Pay the bills and make sure everything is done ON TIME
- Take of of issues such as children issues, family issues unless he needs to be called in

I would say I am a pretty good wife, I make sure he is satisfied with me as a partner and everything in the home I take care of.

**prftstrngr** · 07-08-2008, 06:14 PM

....Im still learning that one. Reminds me of an old song *Stand by Your Man* a line in it says...*after all he is just a man*. I think sometimes we (at least me) expect alot from them and forget they arent always perfect. My husband is a procrastinator and I am not...definately opposites in that respect so I have had to learn to be patient and he will get things done. Sometimes Im good at it....others I lose it! I do all the right things like making meals and cleaning the house but right now Im the one working full time while he stays home unemployed. Again I have to learn and try to be patient. Thats what I think helps me be a good wife.

**Frugal Nurse** · 07-08-2008, 06:25 PM

Oh.. I am a terrible wife and I can't share why.

But - when I used to be a good little wife -
I devoted my every move to him
I called him Master
I slaved over him
I admired and oogled him
I pleased him in everyway he wanted whether I wanted to or not
I cooked and cleaned and polished
I stayed in tip top shape

Today - I'm lucky I'm not strung up on the tree for being such a bad wife.

**lwlynch** · 07-08-2008, 06:48 PM

I think I am a good wife.. but a better team player. I don't consider what I do women's work. I do the house, the kids, the bills, the food, the dinner and I always ask his opinion on the stuff coming up. He works and the yard. I do all this all week long so that at night when 6 comes we can relax together with our family and weekends are ours.. He often shops for me, so we don't have to spend our Sat mornings doing it. Being married for 18 years I have learned that the split (chores) is not so often even. But if you do it with love in your heart, it is half the battle..

**PrairieRose** · 07-08-2008, 07:17 PM

In my opinion being a good wife means being a great partner. Gripey (his choice of nicknames, not mine....b.t.w.) and I are partners in everything although I do consider him the head of the household. We talk about most decisions (he really could care less if I am going to buy a new pair of shoes....kwim?) and I do my best to support him in every way possible. I will be the one to be brutally honest if he needs to hear something, even if it's not pleasant (you have to really love someone to be able to look them in the eye and tell them something you know is going to hurt them....in a kind way and I'd like to think he does the same for me). I do my best to be there for him, to cheer him on and to tell him and others how proud I am of him. We walk through this life side by side, hand in hand.

**suebeehoney** · 07-08-2008, 07:24 PM

I am no longer a wife...but I can share the ways I know how to be a good wife, and the things that I know I did right in my marriage - and also the ways I went wrong and would probably do differently, if given the chance.

(Now, take into account, I was married to a good man, but one with a wicked temper, and my general rule of thumb was to keep quiet until he got me to the point of tears, then the fight was over...until the next time. He left me for someone else, though I take responsibility for my own actions that led to the demise of the relationship. I can say that now, with many years since under my belt.)

I've moved on!

I can't say that I will ever be a wife again. I've learned from my mistakes, but I also find that I'm NOT willing to put up with a lot of the things that I dealt with in my marriage. Call it growing older, growing up, growing more independent, or just plain growing OUT of the marriage phase...I simply don't want it. I do get lonely, but I get past it. It's not all-consuming anymore. I've been involved in a couple of relationships since my divorce, but I find that once they start getting too serious, I get uncomfortable with it, and wind up ending it before it can go further. I think I'm simply not willing to go through what I've already been through before, nor am I willing to put my kids through it again. I'm happy by myself, for the most part.

1. Be sensitive to his needs. Your man is an individual, just as you are. His needs are unique to him, as is his personality. He has feelings, wants, needs, dreams, fantasies....learn about them, and find out how he wants/needs/likes to be treated/talked to/loved. It's incredibly important. Don't assume that just because he seems to be the strong silent type, that he really doesn't want to share his feelings with you. Ask him. You might be very pleasantly surprised.

which leads to....

2. Listen to him. When he needs to talk, he may tell you, or he may not - wives often have to be mindreaders of a sort - as much as husbands do - in order to understand what's going on behind the scenes. If he seems out of sorts, not quite himself, ask if he needs to talk - that may be all he needs to open up and start talking.

3. Sex. Ok, I know, rough subject. I'm not going to be great on advice on this one, because this is one where I screwed up in my marriage. I won't excuse my actions, but I will say there were reasons that I can't go into here.
If your relationship is solid, and your husband/S.O. wants sex, do your best to 'get into the mood', even if you're really not. Why? Because it's important to him - men are wired differently than we are when it comes to sex (no surprise to any of us there) - and the physical relationship is EXTREMELY important to the man. It's the way he expresses his love for you in a physical way, and if you turn him down, he feels that maybe he doesn't mean as much to you as he thought he did - that can really damage a relationship.
If your relationship isn't going well, and you're often fighting, sex will do one of two things - help or hurt. How so? If you are both of the type that you like to 'kiss and make up', it will help - tremendously. A nice little romp can make the worst argument seem absolutely petty, and make it much easier to say "I'm sorry" and get past it. It takes you back to the most base of human emotions and makes you remember how much you love your spouse or S.O. However....if you don't have the relationship I just described, sex can hurt your relationship -deeply. If you have an argument - or a major blowup on a regular basis - and you are hurt so deeply by his angry words towards you that you don't want anything to do with him, and he storms out....and then returns and wants sex, you're not going to be very inclined to give in. Too many occurrences of this, and the relationship will weaken to the point where you don't want sex at all, depression sets in, and the relationship starts to die...quickly.

4. Money. If you are in charge of the household finances, then BE IN CHARGE of them. Take the bull by the horns, and work towards your financial goals. Set a weekly or monthly meeting with your spouse/S.O. to discuss finances with him so that you are both on the same page. Nothing causes more arguments in a marriage than money - and the lack of management of it, or secrets kept about it, or lack of communication about it. Watch your checkbook like a hawk, and keep it in the positive. If you make a mistake, tell your spouse and find a solution to the problem so it doesn't happen again. Don't keep money secrets in your marriage - they will eventually destroy it.

5. Kids. Come to an agreement on how the kids will be disciplined, taught religion (if any), what morals they will be taught, etc. - BEFORE you have kids, if possible. If you are creating a blended family (his kids/your kids, stepkids, etc), then this is even more important - and must be discussed before you even contemplate marriage. Come to an agreement on these issues so you can present a united front to your kids, so they won't think that one of you is more permissive than the other, and that they can run to the permissive parent when the strict parent is handling things.

Whew...that was a lot...sorry! But when I saw this thread, I thought I'd toss in my $0.02.

I hope maybe it helps someone.

**Tamerama** · 07-08-2008, 07:30 PM

I'm pretty sure my husband thinks I'm a good wife when I have sex with him more than once a month..LOL

**Hannahs mom** · 07-08-2008, 07:31 PM

I think I'm a good wife and most of the time hubby agrees. I work full time and he runs/owns a very busy electric company. Since his job is much more physically demanding than mine I can't see myself saying, "Just go make yourself supper". So, I am a good wife to him by cooking for him and I honestly carry his food to him. I appreciate what he does for our family so I don't mind being suzy homemaker. I also take care of the cleaning and take care of DD. As a wife and mother I feel that these are my responsibilites. Those fit into the "take care of your man" category. I think a good wife is there to lean on when he needs to rant or a shoulder to cry on. Others are being dependable, listening, and overall just being a best friend. And, as much as I hate to say it - being nice in the bedroom also helps one to be a good wife.