This is from my Godmother, she's full of them. LOL

Subject: Federal Agent

The Department of Water Resources Representative
stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher.

He tells the rancher, I need to inspect your ranch for
your water allocation.

The old rancher says, Okay, but don't go in that field
over there.

The Water Representative says, Mister, I have the Authority
of the Federal Government with me.. See this card? This card
means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural
land. No questions asked or answered.
Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand??

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the Water Rep
running for his life and close behind is the rancher's huge Brahman
bull. The bull is gaining with every step.

The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws
down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"YOUR CARD, SHOW HIM YOUR CARD!!!"