I am sooooo frustrated and mad! (Long)

**IamBlessed** · 07-12-2008, 04:33 PM

Okay, this is a major rant and it might be better off in the prayer closet but I have to vent to somebody or I am going to go postal!

I'll try and make a long story short. My oldest son's wife of 5 years left him in March...said she didn't feel the same anymore etc., etc. She moved out and moved in with her mother. My son basically had a mini breakdown. He didn't want a divorce, tried to get her to go to counseling several times, and made a fool of himself basically kissing her grits and trying to get her to come home.

They have three kids and when she left, she took the kids with her. She went to counseling a couple of times with him but...she wasn't wearing her wedding ring and gave it to him right after one of the sessions. This, even though she told the counselor that she was willing to work things out. My son was so torn up by all that was going on that he took a medical leave of absence from work to try and get himself back together.

Things were pretty much at a standstill until the third week of June. My son was picking up the kids on a regular basis; he had gone back to work. We were getting to see the babies, etc., etc. He had pretty much resigned himself to the fact that she was not coming back to him any time soon.

Well, on June 21st (day before my youngest gk's b'day) Janet picked up the kids from my mother's house and talked to me about bringing them over to the church for the vacation bible school graduation program. Then, she proceeded to take the babies and drive her happy little butt to Tennessee without telling my son!!! She moved into a 2 bedroom trailer with her grandfather and her brother because she can't afford to find a place on her own. Her grandfather has to have someone stay with him and her brother doesn't have a job and just spent time in the hospital for slitting his wrists.

Anyway, my son went the Monday following that and filed for a divorce (no fault), because for him that was the last straw. He lives for those kids. His lawyer called Janet and found out that she had gotten a lawyer. We went and picked the kids up on July 4, after talking to lawyer. The kids were ecstatic to see us and every one of those babies told us that they did not want to go back to Tennessee. They wanted to stay with their Daddy. The girls are extra clingy and my gs has become very withdrawn and serious. He's the one who told us that things were not good there. They didn't even want to talk to their Mom on the phone when she called. However, she kept saying that she was going to come and get them because her great grandmother had never seen them.

My son called and told Janet that he was going to file for full custody and that he didn't think that the kids should have to come back if they wanted to stay in Mississippi. (We are filing for full custody on Monday.) Well, she called and supposedly she has talked to the lawyer. She will be picking the babies up and taking them back tomorrow morning.

The kids are confused; they wanted to stay with their dad and they don't understand why they have to go back. I am mad and frustrated because I don't feel that they should have to return to live in that situation. My son has a house with a bed for each of the kids individually; they don't have to pile up on top of each other. They don't have people yelling at them here. They don't reek of cigarette smoke here because no one here smokes.

My son is better able to take care of their needs; he has insurance. Janet has M.S.; she is going to find it difficult to get insurance. Her medical condition is already affecting her short term memory and mobility. She cannot find a job other than minimum wage because she has no training.

I know she is their mother, but I find it hard to drag up any sympathy for her because she brought this on herself. On top of that, her actions have adversely affected my son and those kids.

I apologize for the length of this. I realize that ya'll don't know me from Adam. I just needed to get this stuff off my chest. Prayers are requested here that everything works out to the good of my grandbabies. They don't need to have their lives screwed up because of this junk.

**Libby** · 07-12-2008, 04:41 PM

Sorry to hear about your situation. For the children's sake I hope their mother thinks about them instead of what she can 'get' by 'using' them as pawns. My thoughts are with you.

**leezza** · 07-12-2008, 04:41 PM

I will be sending positive thoughts your way......Take care of yourself.

Kind Regards,
leezza

**Lilolme** · 07-12-2008, 04:48 PM

WOW! I'm sorry you and yours are going through such a rough time right now!

I'm confused though...Just because the mother of the children talked to her attorney, does not mean anything! The father of the children can keep them in his custody until they both appear in court and a judge decides where they will temporarily stay until the matter has been finished! Depending on the childrens ages, they may have a say on where they reside too!

I don't know the whole situation, and I'm sorry that anyone has to go through hard times!

I will keep you and yours, all involved, in my thoughts and prayers!!!

**jamie79** · 07-12-2008, 05:19 PM

**Clutterbug Jen** · 07-12-2008, 05:55 PM

This is what I was going to say!

From the way I always understood it, they are both the parents and until they've been to court and someone gets legal custody, whoever has physical custody does not have to give the kids up.

If I were your son, I wouldn't give them back to her because I honestly don't believe that he has to at least until after court.

Prayers going up for you, hon. Let us know how things go, k?

Love,

Jen

P.S. I guess I'd best add that I'm not a lawyer or anything so maybe I shouldn't be giving advice.

The best thing he can do is call the Family Court place on Monday and see what they have to say that the law is.

OR ... you could probably google what the laws are in your state to see if he has to give them back or not.

Originally Posted by Lilolme

I'm confused though...Just because the mother of the children talked to her attorney, does not mean anything! The father of the children can keep them in his custody until they both appear in court and a judge decides where they will temporarily stay until the matter has been finished!

**AmyMCGS** · 07-12-2008, 06:02 PM

I was going to say pretty much the same things as the poster above me-- if your son has physical custody and there are no legal custody arrangements, I don't believe he has to give them back to her. Since she took them out of state without his permission, it seems like he would have a good argument there. And if she got nasty when he wouldn't give them up, I'd call the cops.

Of course I am not an attorney, just a mom (who's heard a lot of custody stories from her police officer husband) with an opionion.

**itsahumanzoo** · 07-12-2008, 06:04 PM

I agree with the above poster. Keep the kids with you. They don't need to go through the stress of going back and forth. Especially if they want to be with their dad.

Best wishes to your family and hopefully he'll get full custody with a short trial.

**JustMegan79** · 07-12-2008, 06:07 PM

I agree with the others, if there is no current legal custodial agreement, your son should keep the children in his custody until court date is had.

She can throw a fit, she can say her lawyer says X, Y, or Z, her LAWYER can call you and say X, Y, or Z, but until a JUDGE has handed your son an ORDER through the court, in person, on a legal document, both he and his estranged wife are equally custodial in the eyes of the law, and he has every right to refuse to hand them over....

And so does she.
So if he lets her have them on Monday, she is within her right to withold them from him until the same occurs for her. I hope you relay this to him and he understands it for what it is.

These are the facts. But how he chooses to move forward is the main concern here.
If he still loves her and feels bad for her, he may go ahead and forgo the legal battle refusing to hand the kids over would cause, and go ahead with it.

I would strongly advise against this---- he is their Dad, they want to stay with him, and he is not in any way legally prevented from keeping custody of them.

And until he is, he needs to keep them in his care if that is what he thinks is the best thing for them, and it sounds like it is.

I wish you and your family the best of luck, will be sending thoughts up for you, and hope for an update after you talk to your son.

Megan

**Texasgirl** · 07-12-2008, 06:16 PM

**momof42003** · 07-12-2008, 06:40 PM

She has M.S. and it has already started affecting her short term memory and mobility??? UMMMM why is she driving, and I would not let my kids in the car with her. Not to mention that she could in fact keep them in Tennessee... Just my 2 cents... Hope it all works out for the best for the kids..

**IamBlessed** · 07-12-2008, 06:41 PM

Thanks for the posts everyone. I just had a call from my sister in Gautier. My son was down there with the kids so she could see them yesterday and today. They should be home about 8:30 p.m. and my dh and I are planning on being there. After the kids are put down, we are going to talk with ds.

My gks are ages 4, 5, and 7 years. They are young but they are very independent and know their own minds and they know how to voice themselves, especially the oldest. He is the one most affected by all of this. However, I digress.

DS would not talk in front of the kids, so I am having to play "best guess" at what the lawyer told him. When we originally went to the lawyer, they told us that the main aim is to get through this whole situation as painlessly as possible. In other words, no one would be happy, but no one would be sad. Matters would just be resolved. That said, ds was advised to reach agreements about when to get the kids and return them so he wouldn't portray himself to be like the kids' mother. Hopefully, this way, when this mess comes before a judge it will reflect favorably on him and badly on her.

We do have one advantage in that by my son filing in Mississippi, the case will have to be heard here. If she chooses not to show up for whatever reason, decisions will be made without her. One can only pray!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I will keep you updated. God bless.

Di

**MomToTwoBoys** · 07-12-2008, 06:42 PM

Yikes!

I've gone through custody things, both when I was younger and then now I hear about it through my mother with my sister and her DBF (they have three kids together). More likely than not, they're going to end up giving custody to your son if they find the mother of his kids even slightly unfit. I hate custody battles; the kids always end up with this mentality in their head that they should have to choose between the parent they really want and the parent that they just don't want to have anything to do with. Judges always have to look at the children's best interest. If the conditions they're living in in Tennessee are that deplorable, and the father can prove that they would be better off living with him since the conditions in his household are more conducive to the children having a better well-being then I think things will pan out in favor for your son.

No kid should have to go through some messy custody situation. I'd refuse to give the kids back to her because she doesn't have any court order stating they belong with her. Even if she called the police for your son's refusal to hand them over to her, the police can't force your son to give the kids back to her.

I would keep the babies with a relative that aren't in the same house as your son, so you for example. I wouldn't tell her where the kids were at and if she wanted to confront your son as to their whereabouts, they wouldn't have to listen to the argument between their mother and your son.

I'm keeping your family in my thoughts and hoping things work out.

**chettasmom** · 07-12-2008, 06:43 PM

I wouldn't let the girl pick the kids up..that would be her chance again to run off with them. There are laws that protect not just husbands and wives but also children. As long as your son has a lawyer who is willing to work for him and do the right thing by your grand kidlets then hopefully all will work out. I have a brother, whom right now is fighting for full custody of his grandson because his son is in the Navy and the mother is a real tool..(two kids, two different fathers, and 3 days after my nephew went into the navy she ran off and married some guy she was talking to on myspace, then had the nerve two weeks later to call my nephew and ask him to pay for a divorce because she "made a mistake"..duh!..things WILL work out. It will take time, but in the end it will all work out. I'll be thinking about you and yours..and adding prayers in for you all!

**JustMegan79** · 07-12-2008, 06:50 PM

Allowing her to take them to create a "painless as possible" and hoping the judge will eventually decide it reflects better on ds than on dil is a rock and a hard place.

He should stand his ground, because when the case is in Mississippi court and the kids are in Tenn, the judge may wonder why they are there?

Just playing devils advocate so that you and your ds are able to see the whole picture with different aspects and outcomes.

I wish you all luck and hope that you will keep us updated.