Does anyone else do this?

[Momto2Boyz]

Ok, I shall do my best not to turn this into a rant!

We went to a birthday party last weekend. One of our neighbors son's was turning 5. I talked to her the day before and I know she was totally frazzled. So we went over there about 15 minutes early, so DH and I could help her get things set up, etc. etc.

So, I helped out. And guests started arriving. It was friends, co-workers, lots of family... about 10 kids or so and mostly adults. They served pizza, hotdogs, chips, veggie & fruit trays etc. I realized as she was setting out food, that NO ONE was helping her! All of her extended family (brothers, sisters, IL's, parents) were all just sitting at the tables while her and her DH were trying to get things set up.

I couldn't help myself. I had to jump in and help. Then of course, I helped her clear dishes, then serve cake & ice cream and even get presents ready to open. All while trying to keep an eye on their kids and my kids (we all kind of "community" watch each others kids when we are together, so we all helped keep an eye on them).

But I was just totally in awe that she had no help from her close friends and family. Is it just me or have manners gone out the window? I guess I just figure when I am a guest at someone's home, wether it be a party or not, I should pitch in and help where I can.

Am I alone in these thoughts?

[Drgnfly423]

I guess I'm torn. It depends on the friend/family. At my moms, sisters, g-ma's or a really close friend I would pitch in and help. If I was at an acquaintances I would offer to help, but not insist on helping.

I don't like just sitting back while watching people working, either. I feel weird about it, too.

[Libby]

Momto2Boyz - you truly are a gem. Others may not know how to 'offer' help so instead they choose to sit back and pretend that its ok to be the 'guest' at such a gathering when truth be told when they hold their own event and no one even considers offering help, they will understand the errors of their ways.

I always offer to help, even if I'm not supposed to. Its just in my nature. Others have offered me help when I least expected it as well so it does go around...how do they say? Pay It Forward?

There's also a difference in helping out and taking over and running someone else's show. All I ask is that someone 'ask' knowing full well I will turn down their offer of help. Its the thought that counts.

[Neeley]

If I am at a family function on my mom's side then I don't help. My granny, Mom and aunt have a system for doing the setting up and cleaning up. They don't want anyone to invade, especially me. They all still look at me as a 12 year old, getting into everything and not being very helpful.

If I am with my dad's side of the family, I jump in 100%. I am looked at as the female head of his side of the family and jumping in is expected of me. When my uncle passed away last August, I was the one my aunt wanted to make the phone calls to relatives. I was the one who handled guests, keeping track of who brought what, serving drinks, served food, delegated responsibilities to the other cousins, etc...I am the one who organizes and runs the show, so to speak.

When I am at a friend's gathering I just try and judge the situation. I help if needed, but stay back if it seems like there are enough hands in pot.

[DJ1972]

When my mom was alive, I was the one that helped her with family dinners and helped with clean up, my older sisters and sister in laws always found a way to escape. Now, the dinners are at my house, and they still escape, without even an insincere offer to help,...some people just assume that because it's at your house you are supposed to serve them and then clean up after them. I always at least offer.

[Momof3girls]

You are a very thoughtful person. I think some people are just more that way than others.

[cmdarlin]

I would of offered my help too. I remember when my Mom was alive, we'd all get together there for holidays, family bbq's... neither of my sil's would offer to do anything.

Debbie in Missouri

[rachelMcK]

I always offer to help no matter where I am. But, if they say no and I say I insist and they say no again, than I don't. I don't like the song and dance. Either yes or no. But if someone needs help and they're freaking out, I'll definetly help whether they like it or not.

[StartingOver]

I always jump in to help in setting up, clearing the table, doing dishes, whatever needs to be done. No one in my family or hubby's family ever turns down help...we all work together.

I'm much more comfortable doing busy work, then sitting at the table conversating.

Good for you! I'm sure your friend really appreciated it..sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming when you are not used to entertaining a large group.

[MoonMommy]

I was trained to offer help. My mother taught me to get up off my butt and help clean up. Now...why she didn't expect the same from my brothers I don't know. It is a constant sorce of frustration for me that I have always been expected to help while my brothers have sat around. My dad helps clear the table and do dishes, so it is not like they don't have a good example.

[FrugalMomof3]

I too am like you! I help out when I can no matter what BUT I find it odd that not even family would help her.... I think they think "I am a guest here, she should cater to me."

I dont know but these days at least with my family, I dont get help from anyone, I have to ask for it or I do it alone.

[AmyBoz]

I always help with set up and clean up at parties, whether they are relatives, close friends or just aquaintances. However, I have to admit that my motives are less than magnanimous. I just hate all the inane chit-chat that goes on at parties, so if I'm busy, I don't have to converse.

[staciah]

Yeah that is weird that her family didn't even help. If I am in need of help at family gatherings, some one usually offers, but if no does, I usually am bold enough to ask for help. My DH always helps out. He knows bettter because if he disappears he knows he's in trouble.LOL

[meanestmom]

I quit having family dinners at my place, because I never got any help except from one sister, now her and I mostly get together, and we both pitch in. We don't live really close, so when I hosted these events I always had a full house of overnight guests too, and they never lifted a finger to help with dishes, clean up, or to even watch the little ones!!

[frugalandsimple]

Maybe her family and friends didn't think she needed help. It would be rude of the host to ask a guest at a party to help out or watch after the kids. Some people have a system or plan when they host a party and it doesn't bother them if nobody bothers to help them out.