I am SOOO STRESSED OUT..this is long sorry..

**chettasmom** · 07-25-2008, 01:39 PM

This is long but....little bit of history: My oldest DD who is a nurse is getting married in October to her best friend..a very very lovely guy who thinks the sun rises and sets over DD (as it should! he was her first bf when they were kids many years ago!)..anyway..they bought a beautiful home in November because my DD refused to pay a landlord (smart girl-learned from me!)..ok..so (soon to be son in law -STBSIL)works out of town almost every week, leaving all the wedding plans up to me and DD..she's very high strung, dealing with severe ADHD, ADD (she's on medication) a new dog, new house, new job, taxes, utility bills etc..it's not the money that's the problem-they make more than enough to take care of everything including their 1000 dollar mortgage, but this wedding is going to be the death of me..
January: Get together with all the bridesmaids and MOH and Bride to organize dates for Shower, etc etc..everything is planned at this event -everyone has date books phone numbers and emails-
then...
it started out with STBSIL'S family who were driving my daughter crazy-suggesting that the couple elope instead of having a big wedding..(which btw, THEY ARE NOT PAYING FOR-WE ARE)..she got very upset over their constant nagging..to the point where she was in tears and I had to speak to STBSIL about it..telling him to basically tell his family to knock their crap off....ok..then, when my DD went to schedule the wedding at our Church, the church secretary told her that the date was already taken by someone else who planned it 3 years ago..YEH RIGHT..and then proceeded to tell my DD that her and STBSIL didn't go to mass enough (sometimes they used their envelopes, sometimes they didnt)..claiming that they didn't put enough $$$ in the collection plate..which was bull because they put in as much as they could EVERY SUNDAY when they went to mass...she was hysterical..no problem..I found them another Church that would be happy to have them as parishioners and would love to marry them..(We're Catholic)..the hard part was, my daughter wanted to be married at our Italian Church that we've gone to for years so it was hard for her to join another parish (also an Italian Parish though)..she said she didn't feel like it was her home..
Then..we went to make the plans for the reception..the place where she wanted to have her reception was booked for the date they wanted but they had the weekend before open. She really really wanted her reception at this particular place so the happy couple reluctantly agreed to change the date (and they could find no other place to accomodate their guests for the night they wanted)..so far they had to change churches, and change the date of the wedding..worst part is..DH and I made an 8 hour trip to Virginia to pick up his great grandparents wedding rings for the happy couple to use as the engraved date was one hundred years to the day that they were getting married (oct 25)..now the date on the rings was wrong so they didnt want to use the rings...ARRRRRGH..
The Bride (DD1) and her maid of honor (DD2) got into a sisterly spat and she told DD2 that she was no longer going to be her maid of honor, and that she was asking her cousin instead (who just returned from 3 months in SPAIN BY HERSELF) (not a cousin she sees alot now, but one that she was close to as a kid)..COUSINS says OK that she'd love to be the MOH. No problem with DD2 THOUGH..she was off the hook helping to plan stuff....all seven bridesmaids including the MOH drive 30 away at the request of DD1 to order their gowns for the wedding, at a small boutique in a small "cutesy" town..
the shop owner measures the girls and gives them all a card with the cost of the dresses once she figures "things" out..dresses will be in in two weeks-plus free dress bags..cost of dresses with 'extras' are quoted as 150.00..(this is after DD1 and I made two trips up there for her to pick out the dresses, find out that the cost was cheaper than a bridal shop etc etc)...All the girls are pretty much the same size but one who is a bigger girl-she understands that her dress will cost more $$ because of the larger size..no problem..
2 months later the dresses are not in. All the bridesmaids make 3-5 trips each up to the shop to pick their dresses up only to find the store closed each time. The phone number the owner gave is a fax number..the number we found for the store on the owner's myspace of all places goes to an answering machine. The Bride is panicking..so are the bridesmaids..
Beginning of April: One bridesmaid informs DD1 that she is pregnant and due the date of the wedding (would be the 3rd child for her and her husband), she still is planning on being in the wedding but is having trouble paying her rent..since her DH was out of work for a while..
END OF APRIL:..ANOTHER BRIDESMAID tells DD1 that she is also pregnant and due one month after the date of the wedding (first baby for her and her fiance)..she also plans on staying in the wedding but is living at home with her parents, (she's 28 and her finance is 27 and lives at his mom's house OHHH BROTHER)...she's looking for a new job so she can afford the baby and being in the wedding (talk about making the bride feel guilty!)
May 5th (cinco de mayo at the house of the Bride)..I remind the MOH that she really needs to get the bridesmaids together to plan the bridal shower and ask her what she is doing to help out her cousin, the bride with the wedding..she says..."whatever she wants me to do"..again, I remind her, as I did in January, that it is usually customary for the bridesmaids to organize and put on the shower and she really needs to get the girls together to organize and regroup..The bride "excuses" both pregnant girls from the wedding, siting that their delivery dates are too close to the wedding and it will be too expensive for them to buy dresses and have them fitted at such a late date-she was thinking about THEM in mind when she decided..(mind you..the bridesmaid with two other children was in the process of divorcing her husband because he's a smoke, and got involved with drugs and alcohol..then she goes and gets pregnant again by him and decides to stay married..duh..the second girl is the fiance of the grooms brother-they have been together for 10 years and they know how pregnancy is prevented but all of a sudden have to go and get pregnant NOW..we think it's because STBSIL's brother is jealous that he has a house and is having a wedding before him as he is the "older" brother and needed to do something "first" ie: baby..
4 months to wedding:...the MOH actually gets ahold of the store owner who tells her that she is in alaska on a cruise and that her sister in law is manning the store..MOH goes to store to pick up her dress (which doesn't fit her perfectly) so the store owner's HUSBAND who was manning the shop that night Suggests and GIVES HER A DRESS ORDERED FOR ONE OF THE OTHER BRIDESMAIDS (the groom's sister)..She has no problem taking this dress because it fits her better even though the other girl who it was ordered for now has no dress that is her size..
He over charges her for the dress and she calls DD1 to tell her that she has "the other sized" dress (an 9 instead of a 10). DD1 calls me freaking out about the dress because now STBSIL'S sister is going to have to re-order a dress. I call MOH and remind her that she has not yet started planning a shower (which the date was planned in January according to the brides's work schedule)..she IMMEDIATELY calls DD1 and tells her she is dropping out of the wedding because it's TOO MUCH STRESS FOR HER and she can't handle the responsibility..OMG!!!!!! DD1 IS HYSTERICAL AND CALLS ME screaming and yelling that I ruined her wedding!..I get chest pain!..and call MOH back to find out what the hell is going on..(she's 22 years old and not a kid)..SHE PUTS HER MOTHER on the phone who in her superficial nicey nicey tone TELLS me that her daughter can't handle the responsibility of the wedding and that MY daughter deserves better (I'LL SAY!)..I flip out on the phone. Literally-(why the hell would you go buy a dress and then pull out of a wedding???)
DD1 asks her backup bridesmaid to be in the wedding and then asks her friend (a bridesmaid) to take up slack as the MOH..which she should have done to begin with!..the NEW MOH gets on the move, gets the shower planned, and lights a fire under DD1 on wedding things that need to be done..Yay for the new MOH..
..things seem to be going smoothly..
July:
myself the bride and 3 bridesmaids take a trip to the dress shop (basically full of ladies undergarments and sexy nighties!)..and the husband is working again..the store owner is no where to be had..I confront him on the fact that he gave a dress to a person that it was not ordered for and basically left one of the bridesmaids stuck wtih a dress that would need to be drastically altered and why didnt he just reorder a dress for the other girl who needed a difference size (the one who pulled out of the wedding after she paid for the dress)..I tell him about all the phone numbers that are not working, what an inconvenience it has been to travel to the store as many times as everyone did, how they had no sign as to when the store would be open in the window etc..and now how there was one more bridesmaid that had to order a dress..but no way was she going to have HIM measure her for a dress..so she has to make an appt to come back in two weeks to have the wife measure him. He claims the wife was in alaska visiting their son, and that she was not there because her father was DYING..ok..forgivable..he apologizes for our inconvenience then tries to overcharge the two of the three girls picking up dresses..I point out the price that they were all quoted (pay 1/2 NOW, AND 1/2 when picking up the dress...not 1/2 now and 1/2 PLUS 24 dollars when picking up the dress)..he says..ok and charges them only the other half of the cost..(which is what they planned on).
Shower plans and invitations are in the mail and everything is going well..just minor things need to be taken care of but MOH is on the ball..
Two weeks later:
DD1 calls me HYSTERICAL..she, and her new bridesmaid plus the other bridesmaid who had to re-order because her dress was given to the former MOH go to the shop, find the owner outside smoking, and are called inside..shop owner goes NUTS on my daughter telling her that she owes her all this money for shipping of the dresses, all this extra money for more taxes that she didn't add on when she quoted the prices for the girls..and all these OTHER ridiculous charges that she had hand written on post it notes..she claims that she is not going to "get ripped off" by my daughter and her bridal party..UM HELLO? she does NOT WANT TO GET ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS AT THIS POINT..my daughter says to her..THESE ARE THE PRICES YOU GAVE US..WE PAID HALF THEN AND WE ARE PAYING THE OTHER HALF NOW..YOUR HUSBAND GAVE SO AND SO'S DRESS TO SOMEONE ELSE AND DIDNT REORDER HER A DRESS..NOW SHE HAS TO REORDER OR TAKE THE SIZE 16 THAT IS 7 SIZES TO BIG FOR HER..(ok by this time her Italian temper has kicked in!)she tells the shop owner that she is doing shady business and if she had known that she was going to have all these problems she would have gone elsewhere..the lady refuses to reorder the dress for the other bridesmaid until my daughter gives her 3 hundred more dollars..(which she will not do)..
DD1 CALLS ME HYSTERICAL..explains what happened..newbridesmaid also calls me and tells me what happened..I call the shop and the shop lady starts screaming at me that MY DAUGHTER IS ROBBING HER..OMG..OOOMMMMGGG..by this time I am pissed..she's telling her her father is dying (2 weeks now!) and that she has all these family problems blah blah blah blah..I DON'T CARE..I call the STBSIL and tell him what is going on as he couldn't understand my daughter as she was screaming and crying on the phone..he calls the shop and the lady hangs up on him. WE PROCEED TO DRIVE TO THE STORE and make my daughter stay in the car..we walk in and the shop owner sees my STBSIL with me and is all of a sudden apologetic blah blah blah..how they'll aborb the cost of shipping etc..I point out to her that i was there when they ordered..about the prices she gave the girls etc..and how I am going to have to call my attorney if this isn't taken care of..immediately she starts handing over free dress bags-but didn't ahve enough for all the girls-..we pick up the last two dresses that were there and leave never do do business with her again..STBSIL'S sister will have to get the dress altered..DD1 CALLS FORMER MOH to see if she can get the dress that actually belongs to STBSIL'S sister but she will not return calls..omg..stress????
LAST WEEKEND:
I ride with DD1 and her new bridesmaid to PA to another dress shop that carries the dress..it's one hour away. I did NOT recommend the bridesmaid going back to the other shop for her dress as she would get screwed over..
the ladies in the new shop are more than helpful..and were downright FUN to shop for..they wanted the girls to model bride dresses in the front windows!..everything is going on schedule..
Last night: DD1 CALLS ME HYSTERICAL AGAIN..that the wedding is OFF!..omg..
The STBSIL'S brother called him LAST NIGHT 2-1/2 MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING to tell him he's not going to be in it-because the groomsmen are wearing kilts, and his girlfriend won't let him wear one..(they are involved in some type of cultish religion school down in PA somewhere) where they don't let people have cell phones, unmade beds, and other oddities (the brother of the groom and his gf were outside walking on the grounds and he stole a kiss and it was reported to the "headmaster"..they were later called into the office (he is 30 years old!) and was told that they were going to take his cell phone because he kissed a girl on campus..OMG WIERD..
anyway..DD1 is hysterical..she says she wont get married if he is at the wedding, she doesnt want him eating her food and having a good time because he was ruining the wedding..etc etc..it took over 3 hours to get her calmed down last night-STBSIL is in NJ working on a job and we had to have him on the phone almost constantly to help us..I thought she was going to have a stroke..
I talk to STBSIL'S mother..she claims "she doesn't know what the problem is"..HELLO??? anyway...DD1 agrees to allow STBSIL'S brother at the wedding as long as he stays away from her..in the mean time..I'm freaking out wondering if this wedding is ever going to take place...
in the mean time: Even though DH and I are paying for the Hall, FOOD, DJ, and alot of "other" things..I will NOT pay for a bar bill since that is customarily the place of the groom's family..although we have agreed to pay for bottles of wine for the tables and drove 2 hours away to do a specialty order with an upstate vineyard (it's costing 500 dollars for the wine alone!)..the groom however insists that his mother is Poor and can't pay a bar bill or for the rehearsal dinner (also customarily the groom's family)..so now the mother of the groom and his sisters have decided to have a PIG ROAST the NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING IN lieu of a rehearsal dinner..omg ..i'm flipping out..how tacky is that..the night before the wedding it is my job to keep my daughter relaxed and stress free, we have friends and relatives that are taking an actual part in the wedding (their kids) and i feel it's inappropriate for this "event" to be planned instead of a regular quick dinner for the bridal party..they do not get that there is too much to do the night before the wedding to be tied up at a freakin pig roast..omg...HELP..I'M STRESSED..

**suki** · 07-25-2008, 01:46 PM

First, let me say I just skimmed your post.

But, reading your last paragraph and addressing it... a pig roast for the rehearsal dinner can be relaxing. Unless you are expected to prepare it. Otherwise... just relax and enjoy!

Regarding the other complications... remind your daughter that the day is about her and her soon-to-be husband, not the event. Really. It's 2 1/2 months out... changes can be made without it causing all the drama. Re-focus and be positive!

**Greebo** · 07-25-2008, 01:50 PM

Sounds like they should have eloped!

Greebo runs away before the OP can flay him alive!

**IntlMom** · 07-25-2008, 01:51 PM

I too, admit that I skimmed your post............did I miss it? What is the actual date of the wedding? Cause this thing needs to be over with like yesterday!!

**chettasmom** · 07-25-2008, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by IntlMom

I too, admit that I skimmed your post............did I miss it? What is the actual date of the wedding? Cause this thing needs to be over with like yesterday!!

It's October 18th..yeh I know it was LONNNNG..sorry..just took a long time to explain all the nonsense that's been going on..*sigh*..

**JustMegan79** · 07-25-2008, 02:03 PM

Wow. Just, wow.

It sounds like there are too many chiefs and not enough indians.

Im sorry this is happenning.

Pig roast? Sounds good to me. Although I do have a country/laid back/chill personality.

**suki** · 07-25-2008, 02:04 PM

October 18th is just under 3 months away... there's plenty of time to roll with changes!

I re-read the post. It seems to me that your daughter is overly focused on the social outcome of the wedding, what others will think and having a "perfect" day. She really needs to chill and just enjoy it all. She's getting very worked up over details that can be easily resolved. It's okay if there's a pig roast and no alcohol the night before the big day! It's okay if there's a cash bar or none at all at the reception. Heck, it's even okay if she steps on her hem and trips... the focus should be on family, friends, love and acceptance... not other "stuff" that really doesn't matter.

**IntlMom** · 07-25-2008, 02:07 PM

what suki said is right, no matter what happens, she gonna end being married anyway, so the rest really doesn;t matter - that;s the total attitude I had for my wedding, anyway.

**Mo-BayMom** · 07-25-2008, 02:09 PM

I skimmed it as well and what irked me was the church...what and how much you put into the collection plate is between you and God..but that's just me.

I just hope for your sanity and your dds that this is done and over with quickly and painlessly.

**chettasmom** · 07-25-2008, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by suki

October 18th is just under 3 months away... there's plenty of time to roll with changes!

I re-read the post. It seems to me that your daughter is overly focused on the social outcome of the wedding, what others will think and having a "perfect" day. She really needs to chill and just enjoy it all. She's getting very worked up over details that can be easily resolved. It's okay if there's a pig roast and no alcohol the night before the big day! It's okay if there's a cash bar or none at all at the reception. Heck, it's even okay if she steps on her hem and trips... the focus should be on family, friends, love and acceptance... not other "stuff" that really doesn't matter.

it's not that she's focused on the social outcome of what others will think..she just wants Her perfect day..(a wedding with no drama!)..as far as the bar is concerned (at the wedding)..why should the bride and groom or me and my dh pay for his family to get drunk (yeh they are big drinkers)..my immediate family doesn't drink, but I do have alot of older relatives that like a glass of wine with their dinner -they were brought up that way..we are putting wine on the tables as a courtesy and also for the toast (champagne is a waste of money)..as far as I'm concerned, if the bottles don't get opened people can take them home with them. She IS focusing on family,and has done everything to accomodate everyone else it seems..and yet, everything she's done so far has crashed and burned! From changing the date of the wedding to having to shift, add and drop bridesmaids, and now his brother pulling out is causing such a rift because he waited two years to tell them he didnt want to be in the wedding instead of doing it right away..now they have to scramble to find someone to take his place..instead of STBSIL'S brother calling my DD1 and apologizing..his excuse for pulling out was simply..Oh well...that's just wrong.
As far as a pig roast goes..there is not one person in the bridal party, nor most of the family who wants to be at this thing-in the middle of October-outdoors at night..not the night before the wedding when the Bride needs to get some rest, the bridesmaids have a million things to do, and the mother of the bride needs to oversea it all! LOL

**suki** · 07-25-2008, 02:18 PM

Okay, well... good luck.

**Darlene** · 07-25-2008, 02:37 PM

I don't know why people have big weddings in the first place, too many probs & too expensive. To me the big part is having those around us that we love witness us pledging our love to one another. It could rain, snow, whatever, we are going to have a good no stress time. People could dress as they want, just be there if you can.

Sorry for all the problems and hope your dd & the whole gang can find their way thru to find some joy. What a mess.

**hugxlaughxsmilexlove** · 07-25-2008, 02:39 PM

That is insane.. three months away - PLENTY of time.
You can honestly plan an entire wedding in 30 days, from scratch, if you're calm about it all

Pig roast - love it. It's relaxing and um, people definitely need a few hours of relaxing.. I can tell, especially you.

I had a large wedding - had to have everything prim and perfect.. two years later - I can honestly say I don't even remember when my BM dresses looked like.. unless I look at a picture. I dont remember what what on our menu (at all) or even what music was play, besides our first dance.

Yikes!

**IamBlessed** · 07-25-2008, 02:59 PM

Bless all your hearts! Tell your daughter not to stress too much, and then take your own advice. Hang in there; hopefully, she will be able to laugh about this later.

**Izzy0906** · 07-25-2008, 03:04 PM

Have a cash bar. that way you aren't paying for anyone to drink. As for the pig roast, if you don't want to pay, you pretty much are at the mercy as to what the STBSIL's family is going to pay for. I would either enjoy it and leave early when it's time for rest or don't bother with one at all.