It's fixing to hit the fan

**IamBlessed** · 07-26-2008, 09:26 AM

DH and DS are on their way to get the gks from TN today. (I posted about 2 weeks ago about this whole sorry situation.) Well, after a trip to the lawyer Thursday, (ds and dh) some tough decisions were made. 1. DS is suing for full physical custody.
2. We are enrolling kids in school here and filing for custody until hearing. 3. We are filing for a restraining order to keep her from taking kids back to TN.

Now, the main reason(s) that dh and I are knee deep in this mess is that we are footing the bills for the lawyer and, of course, they are my gks. Don't mess with my baby's babies! Now to foot these bills, we are having to make some HARD financial decisions, such as deplete our emergency fund and possibly take out a loan. However, we honestly do not feel that the mom can provide the BEST environment for these kids for a myriad of reasons, two of the main ones being her health and her inability to get a job that will adequately take care of her bills.

At any rate, we will have the kids here with us tonight. Monday, ds is going to enroll them in school and try to take care of other details concerning this.

I guess the point of this ramble, aside from the whining, is to ask for continued prayer and God's Grace, Wisdom, and Guidance through this situation.

Have a blessed day!

**FrugalMomof3** · 07-26-2008, 09:35 AM

Wishing you the best of luck and PLEASE keep us posted.

**TheRootedNomad** · 07-26-2008, 09:35 AM

Sending positive

and lots of

for the you all.

**Greebo** · 07-26-2008, 09:41 AM

If Ex DDIL is a danger to your family, then you have got to do what you have to do. However, if you explain your financial situation to the attorney, perhaps he will be able to agree to a repayment plan that means you only owe him for his services, without having to bring in a 3rd party lender.

I wish you and DS the absolute best of luck in court. My cousin went through something sadly similar, so I can empathize. Kids come first - hang in there and we're all behind you.

**nancycg56** · 07-26-2008, 09:55 AM

Good luck to you and your family!

**IamBlessed** · 07-26-2008, 09:56 AM

Greebo, I don't think she is a physical danger to the kids. I do think that she is capable of "benign neglect." From first hand observation, she will sit her butt down with a book and let chaos ensue around her while she is reading. The kids get hungry and don't get fed properly. (She does not cook much, at all.) So...junk is the order of the day. She is very detached, emotionally. I've seen her put the kids in a room and let them scream for over an hour several times. Not that I don't agree with discipline; I just don't think you should let a 4 or 5 year old get sick from crying and withhold hugs until they "calm down." That's just cold IMHO.

**suki** · 07-26-2008, 10:05 AM

Just a "head's up" and be sure to ask the lawyer about this specifically.

The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction And Enforcement Act ("UCCJEA") is a Uniform Act drafted by the National Conference of Commissioners on Uniform State Laws in 1997. The UCCJEA has since been adopted by 46 U.S. States, the District of Columbia and the U.S. Virgin Islands. As of March 15, 2008 the only states that have not adopted the UCCJEA are: Missouri, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Vermont.

The UCCJEA vests exclusive and continuing jurisdiction over child custody in the courts of the child's home state, which is defined as the state where the child has lived with a parent for six consecutive months prior to the commencement of the proceeding (or since birth, for children younger than six months). If the child has not lived in any state for at least six months, then a court that has "significant connections" with the child may assume child-custody jurisdiction. If more than one state has "significant connections" with the child, the courts of those states must communicate and determine which state has the most significant connections to the child.

I learned of this several years ago when it was pertinent to my own situation. Good luck.

**Greebo** · 07-26-2008, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by IamBlessed

Greebo, I don't think she is a physical danger to the kids. I do think that she is capable of "benign neglect." From first hand observation, she will sit her butt down with a book and let chaos ensue around her while she is reading. The kids get hungry and don't get fed properly. (She does not cook much, at all.) So...junk is the order of the day. She is very detached, emotionally. I've seen her put the kids in a room and let them scream for over an hour several times. Not that I don't agree with discipline; I just don't think you should let a 4 or 5 year old get sick from crying and withhold hugs until they "calm down." That's just cold IMHO.

Based on what you describe, I think she is a physical and more a psychological danger to the kids. Not in terms of hitting them, but as you said - in terms of neglect, and the long term impact it will have.

I also have to reject the idea of "benign neglect". If she's tuning them out when they're her own flesh and blood for her own self-satisfaction, reading a book or whatever, then she shouldn't have the kids.

I'm not saying a mom should spend every minute of every day with their kids, of course - but she's got a job to do as a mom and obviously she isn't doing it.

**Darlene** · 07-26-2008, 10:18 AM

Wishing you all my best.

**mom2matty** · 07-26-2008, 10:35 AM

Sending good thoughts and prayers!!

**LuvMyHubby** · 07-26-2008, 11:13 AM

Best of Luck to your family. Non employment aside it sounds like she has kind already started to check out in her job as mom and that can be more dangerous than a slap in the end. If you can't be bothered to put energy into small children and teach, guide and love them then she and your son will soon have angry and rebellious teens who she will have no control over nor does it sound like she will want to. Again good luck.

**Texasgirl** · 07-26-2008, 11:17 AM

Good luck.

**shoiji** · 07-26-2008, 11:35 AM

Good luck. If you can I would have them pick up a camera on the way and take some pictures of the kids and living situation. Not making a big deal or anything about it, just a good to see you. May help when going to court and you can show pictures of condition of kids and housing situation. Yea, may sound sneaky, but you don't want to confuse the kids or make a scene with the mother.

Will be thinking of you. Hope the children are with you soon.