When In-Law's attack...

[Momto2Boyz]

I believe that is the new Fox show isn't it???

In all seriousness, my MIL is going to drive me crazy with school supplies. She wants to purchase all the grandkids school supplies this year. DH and I are the only kids on that side that don't currently have money problems. So, I think she wants to help everyone out, but she wants to be fair too, so she is doing all the kids.

So, she asked me to send her a list of school supplies and I did. I sent her the list of what he isn't re-using from last year (basically new crayons, markers, kleenex...becuase he is reusing glue, scissors, backback, etc). We are at the point with our 7 year old, where I am trying to teach him that you don't need new things, just becuase you can buy them. If you have something that still works, then use it and be happy you have it!

The two main arguments here are backpack & lunchbox. His backpack and lunchbox from last year are in perfectly good condition, so I would like him to re-use them. And even DS said he liked them and wouldn't mind using them again.

So MIL & I had, basically, an argument...according to her, it's part of the excitement of the school year, that he gets all new stuff. So she said she is going to buy it anyways and send it. (She is also pissed at me becuase I don't go out back to school shopping and buy my kids whole new wardrobes that they don't need...anyhoo, see where DH's sisters money troubles come from???)

My response? I told her that if she sends them, DS would never see them. If she sends them, I will donate them to the school to use for a child who can't afford these things. Is that horrible of me? Should I just accept their generosity even though it's teaching my son bad habits? This shouldn't be a huge argument, I have no idea why she has turned it into one, she couldn't just buy the stuff on the list I sent her? Maybe I'll just tell her that we will get his back to school supplies. We will thank her for the offer, but tell her it isn't necessary!

[nuisance26]

~I always accept whatever someone wants to give to us. In your case I'd take what was offered and give away what you don't want/need. Your MIL doesn't need to know how it was used. You can keep the peace and teach your son to share his gifts with others.(I completely agree with you, btw.)~

[Moor]

do what i do, when someone does that to me, even though i have asked them not to, then i save what they sent. then when what i have wears out, or needs to be replaced, then i have something for a backup. then if she asks about it, you can tell her what you are doing. that way, you are not really putting your ds in the middle. because you know that she is going to ask you ds if he got her backpack that she sent. and this way he will not have to lie.

this works for me.

[yankeegal]

This should be a new Fox show! LOL!

Sounds like there is a bit of a control issue on your MIL's part. I know, I have been thru the same thing.
I have just learned to try and "kill her with kindness." Something along the lines of:
"Thank you so much for your generousity in buying the school supplies. You picked out some really nice things and XX is just thrilled. I know from how DH turned out that you did a great job parenting and that you know how important it is to support your children in raising your grandchildren with their parent's values. Thank you so much for supporting our decision about not getting the new backpack. We really appreciate it. yada, yada, yada"

I have had to bite my tougue on so many occasions, but I find my own MIL responds to the sugar, not the vinegar. JMHO

[lgw]

It sounds like your MIL is a controlling person and a bit needy. No matter what you say, she will go forward with her plans because it's all about her taking control and get props for her effort.

[Jamauk]

I understand your wanting to teach your son about reusing things that aren't worn out. That's a great lesson. But there is also a great lesson about accepting gifts graciously (I'm NOT saying your aren't doing that) even when its something you don't need/want.

I like Moor's idea of putting it aside until its needed. Or use it as his "special" backpack that he gets to use for sleepovers?

My mother and my MIL both often buy my kids items that we don't need. I just explain to my kids that their grandma's love them so much that they sometimes like to buy them extxra little things that even though we don't need them, they are fun to have. My oldest understands the difference between need/want and he knows that we don't always chose to spend our money on the "want", but that its ok if the "want" is accepted as a gift (he's learning its not ok to call up grandma and ask for the "want")

[Nishu]

I think you're spot on about wanting to teach him to be happy with what he has, but you'll have a billion other opportunities to teach him. The control issues are kind of going both ways here, I think. Count me in with the 'Just accept it with a thank you and store it away for later' camp.

[Nishu]

Oh, and I think that buying your grandkids a bunch of silly things they don't need is one of the entitlements that comes with being a grandparent.

[Momof3girls]

If it were me, I would accept the backpack and lunchbox and save it for when you need a replacement.

[MomToTwoBoys]

Wow, that sounds like my MIL to an extent. I adore her though and they unfortunately live three hours north of us. She asks me what the kids want for things like their birthdays and Christmas, lets me handle the school shopping side of things.

I would accept what she's giving you and put it away for later on. I'd tell your DS that she's helping you guys stock up for when something happens to what he currently has and this is stockpiling for emergencies.

[mombottoo]

Personally I don't see what the problem is...so grandma wants to by a back pack & lunch box...so let her! It really won't affect your son's outlook on doing with what he has, but it will teach him to accept gifts gracefully.

I have never understood the whole in-law issue in the first place and I have noticed it is usually women who complain the loudest about their mother-in-laws. My m-i-l was a great woman and I loved her to death. I'm a m-i-l myself and I have had my fair share of issues with extended family, but I would hope that if I chose to buy things for all of the grandchildren the adult children would be gracious enough to accept what I offer to buy.

[KKCondrey]

I agree with some of the others. Eventhough it was her idea to get the things and not yours, just take what they need now and put the rest aside til later in the year when he may need a replacement.

[cissylu]

I myself don`t see a problem ! she his grandma let her get him what she want`s . that`s her right as a grandma. Put it up for later. this is not a problem unless tou want it to be.
Be glad she cares enough to do this.
there are some that would not care ! she sound`s like my kind of grandma .
I `v been raising dgs 10yrs.
hug`s
cissylu

[Jskell911]

Funny, I just wrote a blog entry on this regarding my mom and MIL buying DS summer clothes. We never asked for them, he didn't need them, and yet they kept buying. So, I had a nice conversation with both of them and gave them alternatives. MIL, I asked her to keep her eye out for books in a series DS is reading. And my mom I told her that some of the things he could actually use were new sneakers, and a haircut.

Maybe you could suggest new sneakers, or something he truely does need. Or if they are insistant, just smile say tank you and put them aside until his are worn or lost, etc.

[fernykins]

You know I beleiv you should just except it........ Its a grandparents right to but things for their grandchildren. Even if they don't need it. Thats what grandparents do. She is being fair all they way around. Teach him other ways.
Fern