Procrastination is driving me crazy...

**rachelMcK** · 07-30-2008, 09:20 AM

I'm not a procrastinator, I do things when they need to get done. DH on the other hand, always waits to the last minute. He has to pack for his trip (in 2 days) and he has yet to touch a single thing. He always waits until 10 minutes before he has to leave for work to have a shower and always asks me as he's walking out the door what he can have for lunch. He wasn't always this bad. But its gotten worse. Sometimes I think that if anything were to happen to me, he'd never be able to support himself on his own.

Any former procrastinators with ideas/tactics on how to change this???

TIA

**G'MaDebbie** · 07-30-2008, 10:06 AM

I so can relate to your pain here! lol! My DH is the exact same way. I have come to realize that he is this way because I allow him to be. I take full credit for acting like his mom and doing things for him, that's just the way I am. My husband survived on his own before we met, how? I have no clue! lol
The only suggestion I have for you is to quit doing things for him.

**elphie** · 07-30-2008, 10:56 AM

I am the "procrastinator" in my family (although this is a word used by others, not myself because I don't see it this way). I get things done in my own time, not according to someone else's arbitrary schedule which sometimes drives others crazy. It drives dh crazy now, drove my mom crazy when I was a kid. There is actually some great research done that some people are just hardwired differently than others and this is not necessarily a character flaw, just who we are. It has to do with our "hunter vs. farmer" genes and is quite fascinating but I digress.

I think the conflict comes up when other people are expected to pick up the slack. I don't expect anyone to pick up my slack, I know when I need to get things done and I will. Sometimes dh wants things done on his time table and if so then he does it. I don't ever expect him to though, it is not a mentality of "Oh, I know he'll take care of it so I'll let it slide." Its more like, "This isn't my priority right now but if it is yours then you take care of it." When I need dh's help with things he will ask me when it needs to be done and then tell me what he needs from me to get it done on time. If I want his help I accomodate his time table. If his time table doesn't work for me then I'm on my own. If you feel like dh is taking advantage of you then speak up, tell him that you understand that this is how he works but that when he needs your help he has to understand how you work. He isn't doing this to drive you crazy, its just who he is.

**Holly** · 07-30-2008, 12:17 PM

I'm a procrastinator and I don't really care what others think about it. It gets done on my time.
I drive my son nuts , but thats his problem not mine.
just the way I am and propably won't change anytime soon

**prftstrngr** · 07-30-2008, 12:31 PM

My DH is a procrastinator and it drives me crazy. I asked him lots of times to do things like dishes.....if I didnt break down and do it they would be there 3 days later. GRRR!

**nandmsmom** · 07-30-2008, 12:35 PM

My DH does the same thing. He knows that if he procrastinates long enough I'll get sick of it and do it myself. I've tried stopping all that I do for him, but it makes me crazy, not him.

**nuisance26** · 07-30-2008, 12:39 PM

~DH does that too when we're going on a road trip. Drives me crazy! Hinting, nagging, and trying to get him to compete with me haven't been successful. He's just not a planner in any area so I've ceased expecting him to plan better. I do warn him that if he fails to help execute my plan to get us packed on time he will hear me complain about how stessed I am for at least the first 4 hours of our trip. That seems to work!~

**StaceyS** · 07-30-2008, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by prftstrngr

My DH is a procrastinator and it drives me crazy. I asked him lots of times to do things like dishes.....if I didnt break down and do it they would be there 3 days later. GRRR!

3 days! Try 2 weeks! I recently decided to refuse to do the dishes at DBF's house (both he and his 16yo daughter are perfectly able), and I watched a lasagne pan sit on the counter for TWO WEEKS! This past Friday, I called him and asked if he was going to cook me dinner (he was off that day) and he said, I thought you were going to. I asked him if the kitchen was clean - "No" This was at 4 pm. Well, you better figure out what to make for dinner then, cause I'm not cooking in a dirty kitchen. By the time I got there (15 min or so) the kitchen was clean. If it only took 15 minutes - why wait??? Just do it!
Ugh!

(This is a major reason why we don't live together!)

**AmyBoz** · 07-30-2008, 03:19 PM

This is SO one of my pet peeves. However, I realize, like many others here do, that he procrastinates, whether consciously or unconsciously, because he knows I'll do it eventually when it gets to the point where I can't stand it.

**Dancing Lotus** · 07-30-2008, 03:25 PM

Okay let me get this - His trip is in two days and your annoyed because he hasn't packed yet? Hum, you wouldn't be too happy as my spouse. I don't pack until the night before or the morning of. LOL

**spyzvixxen** · 07-30-2008, 05:17 PM

My DF always waits until we have to leave to get ready. Makes me NUTS! I would suggest telling him the start time/appointment time is 1/2 hr earlier than it really is. Works for my boss too!

**Libby** · 07-30-2008, 08:30 PM

There's procrastinating b/c you're actually too busy and procrastinating b/c you're lazy and then there's procrastinating on purpose. It depends on how loosely you're using this term.

Originally Posted by Holly

I'm a procrastinator and I don't really care what others think about it. It gets done on my time.
I drive my son nuts , but thats his problem not mine.
just the way I am and propably won't change anytime soon

My gf is still like this, granted not as bad but even she admits it. We used to have dinner plans with other friends. I'd be her ride. I'd let her know the night before that I am going to be there at 6pm and I pull up at 5.50pm. She does not come out until she's ready and that night just happened to be 7.25pm It was a girls night/shower kinda gathering so needless to say she made us BOTH look bad and disrespectful b/c we were beyond fashionably late. PLUS we missed the food portion and had to go on with the rest of the night starving!

It does drive me and everyone else nuts but if we make plans and she's more then 10 minutes late, I give her a final warning call from the car downstairs and then I bolt. I've left her in the lurk more then enough times that she has learned to be only a little late not beyond late. I've even asked her if she even wanted to go out and explained that it appears that she does not even show interest and that it seems like I am forcing her.

Originally Posted by nuisance26

~DH does that too when we're going on a road trip. Drives me crazy! Hinting, nagging, and trying to get him to compete with me haven't been successful. He's just not a planner in any area so I've ceased expecting him to plan better. I do warn him that if he fails to help execute my plan to get us packed on time he will hear me complain about how stessed I am for at least the first 4 hours of our trip. That seems to work!~

BF knows all about this with me...I am obsessed with pre-planning and pre-packing the non clothing items 'just in case' b/c its me he turns to to see if I have what he 'forgot'. Recently he's seen me going into a frenzy and then he knows...just ask what he can do to help and I toss him a duty or two LOL. But just like nuisance stated...if I'm stressed out b/c I had to do everything...he's definately going to hear about it (and have his items left behind!)

Originally Posted by AnnK

Okay let me get this - His trip is in two days and your annoyed because he hasn't packed yet? Hum, you wouldn't be too happy as my spouse. I don't pack until the night before or the morning of. LOL

Hahahaha....I pre-pack the non clothing items. The clothes are usually the night before or am of departure unless I am busy. I usually just start washing everything the 2 nights before so they're dry by the time I need to pack.

Do I procrastinate? I'd be lying if I said I didn't but I do respect the others involved that have put their effort into being on time. I do not expect special treatment unless warranted - guest of honour, asked to do a special favour on the way or am injured and just plain need more time. Again there's different types of procrastinating and I usually am a combo of the too busy b/c I try to cram everything in before its time to leave and also a bit of laziness...I am not afraid to admit it.

**daisymay1960** · 07-31-2008, 04:01 AM

Originally Posted by AnnK

Okay let me get this - His trip is in two days and your annoyed because he hasn't packed yet? Hum, you wouldn't be too happy as my spouse. I don't pack until the night before or the morning of. LOL

LOL thats me too , I always say next time i will be more organised , but tbh I hate forward planning I work better under pressure!

Drives me nuts when people say havent you packed yet