Do you feel guilty when...

**lovestolaugh** · 08-08-2008, 11:05 AM

You buy something for yourself? I will pick things up for my husband and kids and not think twice about it. But if I buy something as simple as a new pair of cheap shoes or higher end shampoo, I feel guilty. Why is that? I saw a cute little winter vest yesterday and I picked it up for my dd. It cost $20. Then I put back a pack of razor's that I needed because they cost $8 for 4. Do you see what I mean? When I go shopping I am always looking for things for my kids but never for myself. My dh says it's because I'm a mom and that's what mom's do. Is he right? I would love to hear your opinions! Thanks!

**freebs** · 08-08-2008, 11:09 AM

I do this too and i dont know why. I wont think anything of getting the kids things but have a hard time parting with the money when it comes to me.

**champagnium** · 08-08-2008, 11:10 AM

I think it's easier to justify spending when it's for someone else, but when you're buying for yourself, and you're trying to be frugal..it leads to that devilish little "You didn't REALLY need that, did you..that money could have gone to ..."

At least, that's what happens to me. Trying to be frugal has really sucked all the fun out of my formerly enjoyable retail therapy

**joyofsix** · 08-08-2008, 11:18 AM

I do this kind of stuff all the time. I don't have bad self esteem. Is it a woman thing?

**Michelle** · 08-08-2008, 11:19 AM

I used to feel guilty, but I don't any more (though I don't really buy much for myself either)

**Greebo** · 08-08-2008, 11:40 AM

You should put some "me money" into the budget, so that you have guilt free money available for whatever you want. I get $30/wk of "me money" or "blow money" which I can use a little each day, or save it up for something bigger if I like. Just make it a rule that "me money" can ONLY BE USED ON ME.

**The Muse** · 08-08-2008, 11:48 AM

I'm not a mom and don't feel guilty about buying things for myself. Your DH might be right.

**tbs727** · 08-08-2008, 11:48 AM

By doing this it's like saying that you have a lower value as a human being than the rest of the people in your family. I know your kids are infinitely important but so are you!!! In theory there is nothing wrong with what you are doing just be sure not to become a martyr. I know too many moms who are bitter and resentful because they have never had anything, when it was really their choice to give everything up. And remember...

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

JMO

**Hoosier Momma** · 08-08-2008, 11:50 AM

No, I don't...being frugal doesn't mean not enjoying yourself anymore. I will admit I am more cautious about what I spend my $ on, but there is nothing wrong with buying something new for yourself every so often, even if it is a want.

I agree about putting blow money into the budget every month. Dh and I each get $30/month. That is just for the heck of it money. We have separate budgets for haircuts and such. If a new pair of shoes is needed that are going to cost more, then we budget for it (I bought a pair of Crocs and a pair of Skechers recently because my Birks and another pair of shoes wore out). If I see a cute top on the clearance rack at a store, then I can buy it without feeling guilty.

**BlessedMomof2** · 08-08-2008, 12:09 PM

I do this same exact thing. I always feel guilty when I buy myself something, unless it's really needed. I think it's a mom thing, always putting everyone before ourselves. I think I'll start what Greebo mentioned, a ME account for dh and I both to add to every payday even if its a dollar a week. That will buy my dh a coffee a week away from home.

**Cricketlegs** · 08-08-2008, 01:50 PM

That is what alowance is for--and if I want to spend my allowance on my kids then more power to me.

Usually I just put my allowance away for whatever I want to use it for--this year we went camping.

I would only feel guilty if it messed up the budget.

NOTHING messes with the budget!!!LOL!

**Wendy99** · 08-08-2008, 01:55 PM

We just created our budget and gave ourselves blow money. Now I can shop without feeling guilty, that money is MINE - we have NEVER had that before .. I think we are more likely to stay on budget now that we have 'blow money'. My husband wanted DQ I said well that will have to come out of your blow money LOL .. he passed it up ... I wanted to eat out for lunch at work .. knowing it would come out of MY blow money I passed it up .. it's really working for us

So if I use my blow money I don't feel guilty

**Ceashels** · 08-08-2008, 04:28 PM

I think it is a learned behavior and a learned associated emotion that gets put with it. Did our mothers do it? Do our friends do it?
Even without kids I feel guilty buying things for myself that I would enjoy... but I'm recovering! LOL

**AprilP** · 08-08-2008, 04:54 PM

I don't feel guilty, per se, but I do notice that I always put the things my kids want before mine. And I will put my things back to be able to afford to get more for the kids.

**Libby** · 08-08-2008, 05:00 PM

I think it is a maternal thing...take care of others before yourself. I could be wrong, maybe it applies with both parents...kids before yourselves?

I dont have children of my own but I do pick up things for my family members, bf and his family members w/o thinking twice - well...the first thought is do they really need it, can I afford it and the 2nd thought once I pass the first one - ok go for it!

When it comes to me, I won't part with my money, even if it is my blow money/allowance. I find that I spend my allowance on eating out or extra gas money to visit friends. Heaven forbid I replace that pair of worn out socks or that ripped shirt LOL.

Maybe its just me, but I do think its a maternal thing.