UPDATE to Irresponsible Adult Kid thread..

**suebeehoney** · 08-09-2008, 06:59 PM

Thank you very much everyone. I don't know when I will be updated on their situation, since their cell phones are turned off for non-payment as of Friday and the fiancee's mom is out of town right now.

I just wish my DD would realize that I'm not going to chew her out or lecture her, and that it's ok to tell me the truth. But it's been this way since she was about 8 years old - she will go miles and miles out of her way to make up a story to avoid getting into trouble for something, when the amount of trouble she would have gotten into was minimal compared to the trouble she made for herself by lying.

**Darlene** · 08-09-2008, 07:47 PM

Take good care.

**Newsnerd68** · 08-11-2008, 10:59 AM

So sorry you have to go through this. I've been in a somewhat similar situation with my son (he's 24 now) and it is so hard to see your child do all the wrong things. Thankfully, his situation worked itself out, as things have a tendency to do. But it sure is hard when you're in the middle of it.
I always tried to remind myself that I had taught him well and that he was an adult- but that's not what we see when we look at our kids. We still see that little toddler or eight year old, despite their having grown up.
Hang in there and keep us posted. You're in my thoughts.

**Cricketlegs** · 08-11-2008, 12:34 PM

Bless your heart!

**chevy_chick95** · 08-11-2008, 12:34 PM

let me preface by saying: 1. i'm 22. 2. i have been stupid in the past (at age 19). and 3. am still digging my self out of my "stupid period" hole.

ya know what the sad thing is... when your not responsible enough to even care to work and pay bills, you don't know that you have hit rock bottom. things have to get SO bad and you have no one to turn to before you will actually SEE what is happening to your life. I know a lot of people my age that live with their mommy and daddy and drive brand new vehicles and live off of credit cards!! it is really sad how some people don't think that being responsible is important.. lucky for me I saw the light.

But i also know a lot more people that are exactly like your daughter.. they don't care about anything. they move from one place to the other and just wait to be kicked out.. don't pay bills.. rack up all sorts of cell phone bills with any company that will take them and right bad checks to eat at Wendy's every night..

good luck, you ARE doing the right thing. you and your daughter are in my prayers. ((HUGS))

**missmanny** · 08-11-2008, 07:33 PM

Suebeehoney,

My heart goes out to you. I know it hurts but you are doing the right thing. she needs to learnm the consequences of her actions and it sounds that other people have not been allowing her to do this.

I have every hope that eventually she gets back on her own two feet and grows up a bit.
will keep you in my thoughts.

**Edna_E** · 08-11-2008, 07:47 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this, and hope it is a quick turn-around. If it helps your feelings at all, I think I'm about to see my DS go through something slightly similar - facing his last year of college, didn't file his financial aid until a couple of weeks ago, no job and no obvious prospects, has paid 1st and last months' rent on the apartment he moves into on the 15th, and can pay his cell phone bill and probably his cc minimum but then is out of funds. I am 500 miles away, and can help a little if I decide it is appropriate to, but do not have the means to bail him out (nor do I think that would be appropriate). I have offered suggestions regarding income, even to the idea of going to the truckstops to see if anyone needs help loading or unloading, or seeing if there are day laborer positions through the city/county/state agencies. His response - "I don't have time to do anything like that right now." So, he obviously needs a hard lesson in balance. I trust his ethics that he will not resort to anything illegal to get the funds, but I keep remembering that this kid was severely depressed and on high-dose meds less than a year ago. I know the worry you must be feeling. I hope both our kids come through unharmed, and develop more sense of responsibility soon.

**hawkgirl** · 08-12-2008, 05:51 PM

Hang in there Suebeehoney - you ar doing the right thing in letting her experience the consequences of her behavior. She is still very young and this can be one of the great turning points of her life.

If there is a substance abuse issue, you may find AlAnon meetings helpful, which are meetings for friends and family members of alcoholics. The web site is

al-anon dot alateen dot org

**Frugal Nurse** · 08-12-2008, 06:12 PM

SUPER HUGZZZZ

I know it's scary to think what might happen to your prodigy.
You still want to protect her.

You're doing the right thing.
TOUGH LOVE is a difficult thing to do. (especially when all you want to do is wrap her up in your arms)

My thoughts are with you - so that you can find the strength to do the right thing.

All that you can do now, is let her know.. you are there for her.
(just not monetary - cuz that will cause more harm than good)

**daughter of pearl** · 08-12-2008, 07:44 PM

Just so you don't feel alone, I have been in your position...my oldest son is addicted, and actually is in recovery coming up for 8 months now, but that is following literally 12 years of me trying alternate rescue/reality with him to make him see that he can't live the way he was...I am extremely grateful that he has gained the clarity he has today,but if I had kept resucing him, I don't know that we would have gotten here...lots of good thoughts and prayers coming your way!!

Janet