Need advice on finer points of moving.

[qtkitty]

I have finally decided its not worth it to live here away from family or any one i really know for a minimum wage job ( which i can only work part time ) and living in a trailer that has blackmold that the landlord doesn't want to keep up. Yet i'm not willing to leave joe behind either like my mom constantly is suggesting.

It will be a few months in the making moving .. Joe has to find out when he will be having his back surgery. BUT we need to do it soon enough because my grandparents go to FL in the winter (in like a month and a half ) so their wouldn't be a truck to help move items. Or atleast decide 100% and move larger items now.

But while all thats going on i have a bunch of things to figure out:
What's worth taking... larger items do yet don't seem worth it to take. We worked hard buying our recliner set and there aren't any furnature places in my home town. However to get it to MD that would mean renting a rental truck... which runs into $500 range. So i have to calculate sell and buy again later or move it.

also my food stash keep it or loose it.. i know all the freezer stuff will have to go because we will be moving into a small space .. unless my gram will keep it in her freezer for me.

I do hate moving .. but sometimes yah got to do what yah got to do.

What are some other things i need to think about while pondering moving?

[Greebo]

I have finally decided its not worth it to live here away from family or any one i really know for a minimum wage job ( which i can only work part time ) and living in a trailer that has blackmold that the landlord doesn't want to keep up. Yet i'm not willing to leave joe behind either like my mom constantly is suggesting.

What's the real problem? Is it the job, the lack of friends, the trailer, Joe, or your mother?

Several of those are easy fixes w/o the expenses of moving.

I'm not saying don't move - just asking you to really think about the heart of the matter. Is there a better paying job waiting for you in MD? What about for Joe? You've got an infant to worry about as well - so you need to be sure he's provided for BEFORE you jump into a truck and head on up the road.

And from where would you be moving to MD? Sorry - I forget where you live.

my grandparents go to FL in the winter ... so their wouldn't be a truck to help move items. Or atleast decide 100% and move larger items now.

Or wait a while, think it through, don't do something rash that will set you back significantly that you wind up regretting later. Next summer is only a few months off.

But while all thats going on i have a bunch of things to figure out:
What's worth taking... larger items do yet don't seem worth it to take. We worked hard buying our recliner set and there aren't any furnature places in my home town. However to get it to MD that would mean renting a rental truck... which runs into $500 range. So i have to calculate sell and buy again later or move it.

So now you're talking making a move that would not only cost you for moving, but possibly cost you some of your tangible assets, like furniture.

Again, I ask - what is the real problem?

also my food stash keep it or loose it.. i know all the freezer stuff will have to go because we will be moving into a small space .. unless my gram will keep it in her freezer for me.

Yet another potentially sizable chunk of expense - lost food.

I do hate moving .. but sometimes yah got to do what yah got to do.

What are some other things i need to think about while pondering moving?

First, is this something you "got ta do"? This is, I believe, the first you've mentioned the idea on FV. If I'm correct, this isn't a long, well thought out idea, is it?

Think about how this would fit into long term plans. Short term decisions that detract from long term goals yield bad long term results. You should be able to find plenty of examples of the results of "short term thinking, mid-life desperation" here on the FV forums without much effort.

Most of the things you listed early on can be fixed wherever you are. The hard ones, Joe and your Mom, won't be fixed easily no matter where you are.

[FrugalMomof3]

I was going to reply but saw that Greebo and I were having the same mind of thinking, so I will see what you say to his answers then I will make yet another reply.

[forHISglory]

I agree with Greebo. Don't major on the minors. The major thing for you to wrestle with is WHY you are moving. You may know what you are moving FROM, but do you know what you are moving TO? Your food and furniture is minor compared to this.

I don't know if you are prone to making hasty decisions, (and sometimes our hormones do strange things to us this way!), but I encourage you to stop and think and make some lists of advantages to staying and to moving. Get it all down on paper and stare at that paper for a while.

careful, careful, careful............

[leezza]

qtkitty,

I am going to make a bold statement and hope that you will not get mad at me so here goes:

From all the posts of yours I have read I get the feeling that under it all you are disappointed with Joe and you are also overwhelmed from having to do everything yourself, baby, house, work.

I agree with the other posters that you should really think about this move and why you are doing it.

JMHO,
leezza

[grneyegrl]

i think you should mover closer to family who can help you. joe cant(or wont not sure) help you..so you need to go where u can get help.. will you be able to get a better job in md or do u need school or training..if u can swing it and get training for a better job go for it...

you housing situation is unacceptable.. black mold and children dont mix well and its best if u move before someone gets sick or joe gets sicker.. im assuming joe will be going with you.if he chooses not to go leave with out him...you have to do what is best for your litle one and living with black mold is not in her best interest.

i have a good ideal why you r move.. your current situation sucks..you cant find a decent paying job and have no one to help out with the baby.. you need a break and have no friends or family nearby to give u one.

things will get better

[MerMcE]

If the only thing keeping you there is a minimum wage job (and there's something you can get in your hometown), and you have to move anyway (can't live in mold), then YES I say move closer to family.

It seems like you need a lot of good support right now, and that may be the only place you'll find it.

Good luck and don't forget to start making long term plans as well - can your next job, while entry level, still have a career path?

[qtkitty]

I have been thinking about this for a while, but the logistics of me getting all of us up there seemed like it was going to be years in the making. Joe's VNS controlling his sezures has taken a LOT less time then we thought that it would take. By Friday he will have the dates for both his back and knee surgery. Which we know for sure that he is having his knee surgery sometime between the 25th and 29th.

Basically the last straw was when i got a card in the mail telling me i have jury duty again. Jury duty here could mean anything from 1-2 days and your not picked to months on a criminal case hearing or once every week or month for smaller cases for X amount of weeks or months. I had had it postponed because of being 8 months pregnant and having sciatic problems at the time. Now its back again, if i do end up having court then what do i do with Ellen. Joe could take care of her while i'm sleeping, but not to be home alone for who knows how long per day. He can hardly take care of himself from his wheelchair let alone having sole responsability of Ellen as well. My mom can't afford to come down missing school and stay in a hotel room til i am done with jury duty, the only way they could do it would be to take Ellen to MD with them and then bring her back down when i was finished. There is always childcare, but finding one i can trust that would also stick to my cloth diapering and lotioning schedual because of ellen's ezema and allergies. It all smacked me in the face with crap i really am screwed if anything happens. And no i'm not looking to move before the jury duty to get out of it.

My job is awsome don't get me wrong they are nice enough to let me bring my daughter to work with me. However, its minimum wage, part time ( because of what i can work because of having to bring my daughter), and the big kicker is that it is a go no where job. What i have now will be the same.. the only raise i see in my future would be when minimum wage goes up again in 2009. Because of bringing my daughter with me i can only work night shift ( thats according to my manager now ) and its been hard getting ellen on a little bit of a schedual so i could get some sleep so working more then 2 days straight was out of the question.. all of that adds up to part time not full time. Even though i am working part time i am exaused all the time.. im not doing everything that NEEDS done at home most of the time i am not eating like i should. Worse i can't work like i really need to to cover these $200 a month electric bills we have gotten the last 2 months.. i don't like to get to tight on money, yet we are living pay check to pay check. We don't have many utility bills so there really isn't much to cut to make it any better.

The lack of friends i can deal with i have always been some what of a hermit. Its more the lack of knowing people. In my home town either my family knows or i know basically everyone, so its pretty easy to find a baby sitter or child care facility that can be trusted based on word of mouth.

The trailer isn't an easy fix by any means... i have been spraying bleach and Odoban( which is a Deodorizer, Sanitizer, Disinfectant, Mildewstat, and Virucide) Still there are major mold issues with horrid rotten egg smell eminating from the wall in Ellens room. I have already talked to the landlord about this and he came and sprayed once then told me i just needed to get a spray bottle of bleach and keep going over it. We also have a sudden increase in power usage with the baby monitor going weird when the AC kicks on, but according to the landlord its not their responsability as long as the AC is cooling.

Another bad thing down here is that i have an Ex running around.. last time i saw him i was at walmart and he ended up threatening me and my daughter. Which was the first time i had seen him face to face since the restraining order had expired. That really adds to my want to get out of this town, although not a major in my face thing its always in the back of my head because of his violent tendancies.

Joe is just getting his sezures undercontrol ( which is awsome ) and getting surgeries planned that will have him up and out of the wheelchair * fingers crossed * that he has been in since i was in my final months of pregnancy. Before that he was a productive member of the household although disabled he cleaned and cooked, so when i got home everything was in order and i could relax a little. Now with him in a wheelchair he has gotten suck in a rut of i can'ts.. or i forgots.. or i have to tell him to do things then remind him over and over to get them done.

My mom has tried to push that i move up there with out joe because he needed to be down here to get the VNS, back, and knee surgery done because there was no place up there that does VNS. She was also upset and worried because i wasn't getting enough sleep, at first when i started back to work and ellen was younger and not on a schedual i was really dragging worse then i am now. It was a hazard, but i needed to work to make bills. She knows i am not eating like i should, because im just to tired to get to everything most of the time. And she lays the blame at Joes feet because she feels he should be helping out and that he is faking being as sick as he is so he doesn't have to. She believes that the whole reason he is in the chair is to get attention because he isn't getting it because of ellen and that he resents her. And in all honesty i think that a lot of her accusing has a lot to do with my dad... which we left when i was 2 and i have heard so many conflicting stories about him and the situation that im not sure whats true, although i do know she still has a lot of anger and resentment towards him.

I would me moving from NC to MD it is a good 9-10 hour drive for my mom and grandparents ( 7 hours for me ) They take more pee stops and food breaks then i do, but they sort of have to since my grandfather is diabetic. Where i am right now i could travel to a larger city and maybe be able to get a job, but driving an hour a day would make it not worth it. In town here its at a standstill the past few years manufacturing co's have shut down leaving a lot without jobs so the unemployment rate is way up.. higher then my hometowns unemployment rate. Plus in my home town because people know me and my family it would be easier for me to find a job. It works the same way down here, but i have no connections here.

Furnature wise when Joe and i sat down and talked about it and looked over what we have the only item that we would "loose" thats worth anything would be the recliner set, which is in nice condition still and we could sell it. Our bed got infested with bedbugs and has been bagged in vynal. It would be worth the safty to get rid of it. The things that would go all would fit in my grandparents truck to haul back to MD. Which they are making a planned trip down during labor day so they could take some of the larger items we aren't using with them right now. The twin size bed, coffee table, side tables, lamps, kitchen table( its to big for joe to get around it with his wheelchair). The only other furnature items we have are the computer table, dvd shelf, and tv stand which all could break down and fit into my mom's car or mine.

As for long term ... there are nice low cost sliding scale apartments (these apartments are not scary like the Sec 8 apartments are here in town which have an 8 mo to year waiting list; i am calling tommorrow to ask them how long the waiting list is for a 2-3 bedroom and how much it would be deposit and rent and maybe an application to see where it goes) in my hometown which i could try to get into til i could get things straightened out. Since they changed the requirements for Sub teaching i could substitute teach. I should go back to College and get my Bachelors instead of just having a Associates in Math/Science. Plus i could find work.. if its minimum wage im in the same spot i am now, except cost of living is lower there ( draw back there is no aldies or discount store, but there is an almish bulk food store ). It's backwards though electric is higher in the winter and lower in the summer. I would be able to go back to school and work because i would be able to find people ( people i could trust ) to watch Ellen so i could do those things.

Possibility Joe could get better physically and be able to walk fine and the VNS keep the sezures away.. and be able to get off SSI ( which he was put on because of his sezures ) and get a job.. maybe even someday go siezure free long enough to get his drivers license back. Right now however i would be happy to just have my old joe back who helped with chores and cooking.

If i move i will be improving our lives, because i would have more support so i could work full time and possibly go back to school.. then back up support once Joe gets his feet under him. We would be away from the mold. We would have some family close. And god forbid if something happened to me i would have family that could step in and help Joe keep things going by helping care for me and ellen or doing what ever was needed.

[qtkitty]

Wow that was longer then i intended .. sorry if it doesn't all make since thats the shortened version if i said it all it would be a rambling mess because i have SO much running through my head at the moment.

[Greebo]

I'm convinced.

Move.

My only concern is - getting closer to your mom, when you suspect (and rightly so, I think) that she's a hypercritical person, will add to your challenges. The threat of the dangerous ex, however, is concerning enough that I'd take the mother right now...

[Ceashels]

Is some of his 'i forgots' due to his medication? It may not be his fault if the medications are clouding his thinking and processing.

You certainly have a lot to consider in making this decision and it is no easy one to make. You seem to have goals of working full time and returning to school which are good, but have you put a time frame to your mini goals? What time frame would you be looking at before Joe would be able to join you? 1-3 months? a year? That can be very stressful on a relationship he would be losing his family and his support system while you are out of state working. And though this is an extreme circumstance and others have done it, it is something that is a big consideration.

Have you investigated what rents would be in Md for you? How the cost of living is different and where you will work. It is more than just 'I'll get a job" do you have one lined up? do you have feelers out?

If you are seriously sitting down with Joe to discuss these things you should start writing them down so you can fill out your plan of action.

[Mrsokdee]

First off (((BIG hugs))). Second I would sell everything that was sellable and move the heck out of there. Have you taken into consideration that the mold issue in your home might also be affecting Joe's health and "forgetfullness"? From the sound of everthing in your post at this point you have very little to lose and a lot more to gain by moving. Good luck and get packing.

[qtkitty]

Greebo~ My mother is less critical then my grandmother.. but she is slowly turning into my grandmother *lol* Scary as it is. Over all she wants what is best for me but is a little to pushy at times and her wording isn't the best. So most of the time i let things just blow over like i have done with my grandmother for years. Basically show them weakness and they pounce on it and use it to their advantage. Although behind the scenes sometimes it hurts.. i let on here that things they say bother me but in real life i let them go because thats how you do not have to have it rubbed in. If that makes since.

Ceashels~ The only meds he takes on a regular basis are anti convulsants Keppra, Lyrica, and Tegretol. On a less regular basis when he is in bad pain he will take a perscription Ibprofin. He doesn't take narcotics because of adiction running in his family and because the neurologist/Epitoligist(sp) said it could cause him to have more sezures.

We have been writing everything down. The whole issue with leaving Joe behind til i could get an appartment would be where would he stay we couldn't financially pay for 2 places at once. If he was to go with me we would have his SSI coming in every month and pay for only one place. I still need to talk to my grandparents to see what they would say about us maybe staying at their house for a while til we found a place. My mom had said yes then said no to Joe, but okay for me and Ellen. Incase the only way is to go up and then find a place to stay.

I have the low cost sliding scale apartments sending me an application to see what i qualify for aka what the cost of the apartments would be.

I can get feelers out through my mom she has already been listening around for jobs and telling me about some she has found for a while, so i don't doubt it would be a short time before i had a job. And i would take any job til i could find something better. AKA working a minium wage job wouldn't be any different then working a minimum wage job that i have now KWIM except i could work full time.

I need to sit down and update my resume.. with that finished i would be able to send a few to my mom to give to those people she knows are looking for employees. Plus i can put my application in with the employment office and look through their website and apply for different jobs. I would have to be close to moving to do some of that because i would have to go for interviews. My hometown isn't big on hiring from out of town so i would have to be local at the time.

I need to start going through stuff and deciding what would go in a move and what needs to go. I know i will get enough together for a yard sale. Make up signs from the flea market thats on the weekends to our house since its about 1/2 mi away and a turn. Then have a few weekends of yard sales. Maybe see if any neighbors want to get together and have a street tag sale, usually larger sales interest people more.

I still have handmade lye soaps from my soap business they are still good.. but selling them off at $1 ( originally they were $4 a peice and were selling very well ) a peice even i could make a few 100. I had quite a back stock when i finally couldn't keep up from having joe get sick and me late in pregnancy. We could probubly come up from selling everything in the house we wouldn't need for the gas to get to MD and a good bit of a deposit or EF depending and money to buy new items.

Now pricing i always have a problem with .. i will have to take a picture of it so yall can see what it really looks like, BUT we have a dual reclining theater sofa looks pretty similar to this [media]http://www.wellingtonsleather.com/img/catalog/1606/40058.jpg[/media] except its more over stuffed and in a burgandy suede. It's still in good condition with a vaccuming and wipe in the cup holders its in lightly used condition. We bought it used almost 2 years ago from a rent to own place that has now went out of business for something close to $1700 or so. Retail i have seen online for like is about $1300new. Could i maybe sell it for $500 OBO... or should i try for more or is that to high right off?

We also have an over stuffed recliner in sage.. not sure if we could disassemble and take with.. but if not it cost like $400 and we have had it for almost 5 months... it has one teeny stain on it thats maybe the size of a pencil eraser on the side. Should i sell that at 3/4 or 1/2 cost since its so new?

We also have a washer and dryer we paid $200 for them .. the dryer has a crack in it which has been in it since we bought, but still works great. I think i could resell them for the $200 cause we have only used them for a couple of months.

We would also need to sell our sears kenmore (24.9 cu. ft i think )freezer which we bought for $75 from the salvage store. The guy even said it was worth a lot more, but the gent he got it from had used it in trade to get $75 worth of groceries because he had been laid off from a plant. It has wear on the paint, but it works great. Right now its stuffed to the gills with food though. Some of it doesn't have to be frozen so it could be transported easily, but i keep it in there to keep bugs out or from it melting. When i talked to my mom she said that when we decided to move they would bring all their coolers and we might be able to get a good protion of whats in there out. Atleast all the meat and more expensive items. I have a lot of bagged veggies we could pack around the outside of that stuff to make sure it kept cold during the trip.

I have a good bit of old clothes i do not want any longer that are lightly used that could sell .. maybe $1 an item or something.

Curiousity for me here .. if you were moving would you sell your microwave and get a new one later? I do not use ours to very much and would much rather have a toaster oven. Plus i think it would be way to big for a small apartment.

I am still not wanting to sell off Ellen's old baby stuff since eventually i would like to have another child, but i wonder if i should for now and get new later? I have a Graco infant car seat i had bought used but never used because my mom was determined i had to have a new one. I also have the new Graco infant seat which they still have in stock at Babies R Us *lol* that im not using since i now have a 3 in 1 Infant Toddler Booster Seat. We would be keeping the crib though and transporting it since its not that heavy.

[qtkitty]

Moving this up to see if i can't get some ideas on pricing

[stinkbug]

I'd try selling those soaps as a lot price on Craigslist. Maybe someone would buy them for resale and you wouldn't have to mess with it. I'd sell everything...take only clothes and absolute necessities.