I'm still me... no matter what (long)

**elphie** · 08-26-2008, 12:05 AM

A lot of changes have happened in my life recently. I made the decision to homeschool and quit my job, which I've had for a decade and worked toward for years before that. A lot of people have assumed that either a) I have made a huge sacrifice or b) I'm lucky to be staying home. Both are probably a little true but neither is a complete picture. By the same token, many of my friends, mostly women, have asked me if I can be satisfied staying at home instead of pursuing my career. Others who have stayed at home for years have suggested that I'm finally doing what I'm "supposed" to do. Again, both a little true but not quite on the mark.

So what is the whole truth, complete picture, directly hitting the mark?....

While working on our budget the other day I had a realization that put everything into perspective. I apply the same creativity, the quest for knowledge and information, need for to do lists and organization, and relish the big picture/frustration with the details mentality to managing my home as I used to apply to my job. I also still have a low threshold for boredom and what I consider mundane, activities. I have more time for household chores but the dishes still taunt me... I could have no other responsibilities in this life and would still have dirty dishes in the sink because I HATE doing dishes.

When this realization came to me I sat back and thought of all of the jobs and roles I've had in the past; student, daycare provider, CNA, mother... all of it. I was the same in all of these roles, all of those qualities have always been there. I have grown as a person, come to know and understand myself and my place in the universe, I have spoken to and listened to my God. I am more peaceful and joyful than I've ever been. But even before I made all of these inner discoveries I had the same drives and passions; I just didn't see them as clearly.

Nothing about the core of who I am ever has or ever will change. Getting married, becoming a mother, working toward and achieving career goals... all of these things I thought made me who I am, now I realize they just introduced me to who I always was. My understanding of myself continutes to grow and change and will throughout this life but the essence of me is the same.

I wanted to share this with you all here at FV because this understanding has set me free. Never again will I be defined by my circumstances. When I was unhappy with life before I turned it inward. With this newfound understanding I can now separate myself from my circumstances. I can see that no matter who comes and goes in my life, no matter my occupation (or lack thereof), no matter how much savings or debt I have, no matter where I live or travel the essence of myself will not change.

And with this understanding comes the realization; why would I ever feel the need to make a purchase beyond my means to validate myself. If major life changes haven't affected me, how could a pair of shoes possibly have real impact on my life. And yes, one could argue that acquiring debt also wouldn't change me, and that is true also. But it would affect my ability to enjoy my newfound self.

I just needed to share that and to see it all out there in black and white. The truth as I know it to be... I will always and forever be me, no matter what.

**janelane** · 08-26-2008, 12:29 AM

Ooooo excellent life post elphie! Thank you for sharing your experience!!

**Greebo** · 08-26-2008, 05:59 AM

Excellent post!

**Squirt** · 08-26-2008, 06:42 AM

Neat post!

Reading it was good for me personally too, as it appears we are kindred spirits... Thanks!

**Ceashels** · 08-26-2008, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by elphie

Nothing about the core of who I am ever has or ever will change. Getting married, becoming a mother, working toward and achieving career goals... all of these things I thought made me who I am, now I realize they just introduced me to who I always was. My understanding of myself continutes to grow and change and will throughout this life but the essence of me is the same.

What an excellent post. I applaud your self awareness and decisions. I love the above lines the best. Would you mind if I share them with some friends? I know a few women who can benefit from this perspective.

**MoonMommy** · 08-26-2008, 07:49 AM

Great post.

I can understand the comments. When I first was staying home all day with the kids, I had a really hard time defining myself. After a lot of soul searching, I came to the conclusion that life is (hopefully) long and I can always do something else after the kids are grown. That what my job title is doesn't really define me as a person, but that HOW I behave as a person defines me. Am I nice, do I have empathy for others, am I teaching my children to respect others and am I showing respect for others. I am constantly reevaluating myself to see what I can improve on to make myself a better person.

When you do come to an understanding about yourself, you do feel free. Congrats. Enjoy the lightness of being.

**Greebo** · 08-26-2008, 09:07 AM

Thought about this all the way in to work, decided, yeah, it needs nominating. Someone beat me too it, but I'll add my vote too.

**Ceashels** · 08-26-2008, 09:23 AM

I gladly added my nomination. It holds a lot of truth about how people (from my experience) define themselves. Most of them are not happy because their definition relates to what others think or how others view them so How they look to others is more important than how they are to themselves.

**yankeegal** · 08-26-2008, 09:29 AM

You gave me goosebumps as I was reading this....excellent observations!!

**Gibs** · 08-26-2008, 09:37 AM

Great post, a lot of what you said as also helped me. Thank u.

**momof2joys** · 08-26-2008, 09:40 AM

Wow!!! What a wonderful post!! It is a real eye opener!! I am sort of working on this myself, and seeing how you have it written in black and white is really starting to make a lot of things make sense!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, for the wonder insight!!

I am so glad that you have come to this wonderful point in your life!!

**G'MaDebbie** · 08-26-2008, 09:44 AM

Wow! What an eye opener! Thanks!

**Darlene** · 08-26-2008, 09:45 AM

Bravo! So glad you found the key for inner peace. You are rich indeed.
Thanks for sharing.:mademyday:

**frugalbabe** · 08-26-2008, 09:47 AM

It is an empowering discovery and at the same time a rather terrifying one. To finally realize that you are NOT the sum of your things. When I too came to the realization that I was not going to be changed by adopting a certain style or being richer, poorer, tanner, thinner I realized that all of the trappings that we do to ourselves and all of the labels we try our illusion. The strength, change and growth we need to do must come from the inside and that is infinitely more difficult and infinitely more fulfilling. Great post I think it is a developmental leap when we start to be able to separate from the motion and chaos of our life and are able to start observing it.

**elphie** · 08-26-2008, 10:08 AM

Thanks everyone for the wonderful feedback! I'm so glad this post was helpful. Honestly, as I was writing it I just wanted to organize my thoughts... I wasn't sure if anyone else would be able to relate or not. And ceashells, of course feel free to pass anything along that will help.