Have you ever done something and then realize it was a mistake?

**Jeanna** · 09-19-2008, 09:18 AM

Hi everyone,
I haven't had much time here of late to be on frugal village. I am trying to do so more. Anyway have you ever done something which cost pretty good money and then realize you made a big mistake?

As you can see by my signature I started back to College this fall and now I think I made a big mistake. I am not happy and my house and family life is suffering greatly. Also my health has taken a turn for the worse again. I wouldn't think twice about quitting except we took out a small loan for me to go. But that is only the beginning of the expense. I have to travel to the college, in another town 3 days a week which has raised my gas bill by $30-$40 a week. I then usually take me some water but I am there all day so I still end up spending an average of $8-$10 a week on food. I know I can get maybe $100-$150 back on books and the laptop I bought is mine to use at home. The thing is I just feel so guilty.

Anyway I am more or less venting. Thanks for letting me.

**Patty A** · 09-19-2008, 10:01 AM

Sorry to say this but I truly understand as I did the same thing. I went back three years ago, starting small and was trying to work my way at least to an associates degree. The problems started right away with my health, and I still don't understand why it did that to me. I also ended up with some student loans, they hurt and do make you feel guilty. You know you are taking from the family when they come due, and it makes you feel really bad. I don't know if its an age thing, or what, but I went back at 46. My doctor finally told me "no more school" as it has just run me down and made all kinds of problems with my health. I think part of it is knowing that you have taken from the family to try and make things easier, but in truth in trying to do that you put so much pressure on your self that you body starts to say enough! It will be a year ago in October that I stopped going to school and I am just now starting to feel much better. It is stressful when you are the one putting pressure on yourself when you are trying to make things better and end up feeling guilty. Tuck the guilt away, you should never feel guilty for trying to do something to better you and your family. It takes a while to see it that way, but give it some time and you will see that you was only trying to do better. Guilt is something you should feel for doing something wrong, NOT for trying to make life better. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you did your best. Pushing yourself to hard will only makes matters worse as if it is taking its toll on your health it just isn't worth it. Look at it from all angles and add it up and you will see it isn't worth losing you health over. Its a hard choice, until you put a price on your health! Then you will find it easier to decide.

Hope this helps in some small way, but know you aren't the first person to have done this, and I am sure you won't be the last. Good luck and know you aren't alone how this happens!

**nuisance26** · 09-19-2008, 10:05 AM

~How long have you been going? Are you full time? Wouldn't you be able to pay off most of the loan with a refund from the college? I wish I had some advice for you on juggling your home life and college but I was pretty overwhelmed when I went and I was young and didn't have any responsibilities outside of my schoolwork. Yankeemom might be able to help you. She has 4 kids and attended college. It is normal to have an adjustment period when you try something new. I'll pray for you!~

**Buckeye5** · 09-19-2008, 10:16 AM

I did it too. At the age of 38, ( I will be 44) I went back to college fulltime at a univeristy and had 3 kids at home. 2 in high school and 1 in middle school, and I worked a part time job, and my kids were very busy with activities, and I would kill myself to make all of them. Anyway, I was exhausted. I had a loan too. I received all A's and one B after a year, but the truth was my family life was stressed and my youngest missed seeing me, and would wait up for me until I got home from my part-time job, after being in college classes all day. He told me one night, Mom, I really miss our family time, and nice family dinners etc. I felt his pain, because I was experiencing the same thoughts. Anyway, I did quit school, I pay on my loan still. I felt like I was sacrificing my family for myself. I know everyone has different opinions, and can manage all of the above quite well, I am not one of them. The good thing I found out for myself, that I was smart enough, now with the 2 girls in college and a sophomore in high school my goals are to help them get their degrees etc. I hope you can figure it out, just try not to make that decision when you are tired, wait until a new day, and feeling rested.

**PrairieRose** · 09-19-2008, 10:59 AM

Jeanna I can totally understand what you're saying. I didn't go back to school but I undertook the buying of a couple of retail stores when I was about the same age and stage that you are. We took on loans and overnight our lives all changed. I worked hard at it for 7 years but to be honest I wish I hadn't. Things changed and we sold the stores out but man, it was a huge pain, caused all kinds of stress at home, at work, on my health.....noone that doesn't have a home and family can understand what it's like to take so much on. I think if you're truly unhappy try to tough out the semester and then cut your losses. You can pay back the unused funds and start making payments on the balance. Maybe you could start a little ebay biz buying used and selling online to help with financial burden. At some point when your family is grown and gone and if you still want to do it you could return and finish up. Good luck with your decisions....it's so not easy.

**Dancing Lotus** · 09-19-2008, 11:17 AM

My dh started back to school two yrs ago. He can only go part time because he has to work full time. I would work instead of him if I could make the money he does.

It's been really, really hard. He even lost his job because of it. We have been dangerously close to loosing our home too. Sometimes we do think it was a mistake. But if we can hold on for another yr things will get much better. If he stops going now we will have suffered for nothing and our financial situation will never get better as he has topped out in pay for his field.

We have two choices , stand still or keep moving. We have chosen to keep moving because those who stand still never get another view on life. Maybe our kids seeing how hard Dad has to work at it will help to encourage them to get an education before marriage and babies.
He has to travel over an hour away for his classes but found two other people to car pool with. This has saved us a lot of gas money.
Jason is right, I'm assuming he is speaking for experience.
You have to decide what your end goal is. Why are you back in school and how will it reward your life and your families when you are done? If the answer is that you won't gain much then I would stop.

**Jeanna** · 09-19-2008, 11:30 AM

I just want to say thank you for everyone who has responded so far. I want to make a couple of things clear. We only borrowed $2000 and almost half of that went to the laptop and software. Second everything I am taking is essential if I want to get an associates degree. Third there is no doing homework in class. Just for example in Accounting we meet MWF for 1-1/2 hours and we go over the chapter on M, W we go over the homework (which consistes of about 25-30 pages of me doing the work not reading. Friday we have a test and Monday we start all over again. That is just one class and I have 4. I have to say that one good thing that has happened since I started back to college is that my husband got a raise of $100 a week.
Also I need to make clear that I have some major health problems and I think part of me was trying to prove something by going back to school.
I am really thinking I may quit. It isn't the first mistake I have made in my life.

**ATLCheap** · 09-19-2008, 11:31 AM

You have to decide whether it's worth it to you.

I went back to college for my Master's about 6 years ago. I took two classes a semester & took out loans. It was a bit chaotic juggling school and family for a couple of years, but in the long run, it was worth it. I graduated after 2.5 years (had baby #2 in the middle of it), and now I love what I do. And I'm much less stressed knowing that I have a professional degree to fall back on if, G-d forbid, something were to happen to my husband.

Good luck.
Jenn

**FrugalWitch** · 09-19-2008, 11:49 PM

Yeah I did something that was an expensive mistake....my first marriage, all 17 years of it.

**guest002** · 09-20-2008, 02:25 AM

Impulse bought a $2,000 piece of exercise equipment. Yeah, buddy. After a few years and having to move the thing twice, I sold it on Craigslist for $500.

**Nishu** · 09-20-2008, 02:40 AM

I just decided to stop going to school after years of puttering along. I can't be the mom I want to be while trying to struggle with school. I figure I had my chance, and I'm only going to get one shot at raising my babies. Now I don't plan on going back, and I can't believe how much money I blew on it.

**prftstrngr** · 09-20-2008, 10:19 AM

I only ever wanted to go to college when my sister went years ago cause it looked like she was having fun. I have a good job and I love what I do. My husband lost his job last year and now is in school for the next two years....so even though Im not the one studying I am the one suffering as everything has fallen back on me financially and around the home as well. So now I work two jobs,take care of the house and he works 2 days a week and goes to school too. Its very stressful and Im exhausted...but I wasnt given a choice. Am I pleased he is in school?? Not really...but I understand the need to do it in order to get a job these days. Hopefully it will work out for you!

**cab54** · 09-20-2008, 10:34 AM

In answer to the original question.......

Oooooooooooh, SO many things. Expensive to body, mind, soul, and pocketbook.

**Patty A** · 09-20-2008, 11:22 AM

Jeanna, you said you have some major health problems. And I just have to add this after hearing you saying that. That was also my problem, and it was my health that was the final straw. I don't want to pressure you in any way, or tell you what you need to do, but with health as an issue there is much more to this than just school. You can't let health issues slide, they have to come first. You can't put your health at risk for any reason as it is NOT worth you being sick. Your family will suffer greatly if you end up really ill.