Why I have no friends.....

[stinkbug]

Ugh. Well, I decided to get in touch with a friend I went to high school with. We were neighbors and best friends for years. I saw her last year while they were planning the class reunion. We had coffee.....and I've tried to stay in touch. But she says things that are so......I don't know.....tactless? So I emailed to catch up and she sent me some photos of their family vacation. I emailed back a pleasant update and sent her a photo of me and my girls last Christmas. (both my girls are grown)
She replies with "I know you'll hate to hear this, but you look just like your mom" WTH???? I'm not really insulted, as I KNOW I look like my mom.....but she made it sound like it was a horrible thing I should be ashamed of. Gee, thanks. I have not emailed her back. I am destined to reply with "yes, I'm aware I look like my mom....as I'm sure you are aware your daughtrer looks like you....it's called *Genetics*. She is adopted, so of course she doesn't look like her parents...but still.....
My mom is 72 and awesome!!! She has been overweight her entire life but the last few years dropped some weight, started walking with her neighbor, and her health is much improved. I'm really proud she's my mom! (I am 49 and although I DO look like my mom, I have never been overweight, I'm in great helath and look pretty decent for my age)
Maybe I'm overly sensative.....but this gal repeatedly reminds me that she has *A MASTERS DEGREE* blah blah blah.....and I'm tired of trying to make nice.

This was a last ditch effort to revive an old friendship that I think is better left for dead.

And again.....another reason why I have no friends.....

[Russ]

She has a Masters degree and isn't smart enough to figure out this might hurt your feelings? I guess it must be "book smarts" because on a personal level, she's a dummy.
That being said, we all eat a little foot sometimes, some more often than others as she has made painfully clear. So don't give up hope on all friendships, she was just a bad one.

Do you really think you are overly sensitive?

[grneyegrl]

i think see made the (i hate to say this) because some dont like looking like family.. but im like you i have a great looking family.. none of us look our age..im 46 soon to be 47 and often am told i look like im in my late 20's or early 30's

[cab54]

Wow. My son has a master's degree, but he'd better not come home and say "I have a master's degree", or I'll whack him with the hard working hands that helped him get it.

She sounds like the type who gets her kicks and her ego stroked by (what she perceives as) putting others down. Good riddance to her.

I am like you stinkbug, I don't have any friends outside my sisters and I guess one SIL, maybe. People change and some grow (like you) and some grow weird (her). I have had a lot of trouble with that. I am lucky to have 3 sisters who grew up in the same household, and we are all the open minded type and 'don't say something unless you can say something nice' type. We think a lot alike, and a little bit different.

Other folks---well, they have been difficult for me to warm up to. And stay with. There always ends up being something.........hard to take from them. Except for FV'ers!

[VanVivCam]

Sorry. Some people just don't think before they type or speak.

[Darlene]

Instead of looking towards the past for friendship how about looking forward? Get into volunteering or take some classes, join a hobby group. You'll be on your way to spending time with people who share something in common with you & that's a great way to build a friendship. :perfect:

[Michelle]

It's possible she only meant that a lot of women don't want to look like their moms. It's so hard to tell what people mean in written conversation.

Having said that, I probably would have read the comment the same. She should have left off the part of "I know you will probably hate to hear this..."

[FrugalMomof3]

Do you really think she would have said that if she knew it would offend you? I mean I tell my DSD that all the time and I know she doesnt like it BUT it's the truth. I dont say it to be mean or hurtful but I am speaking the truth.

With that being said sometimes people say things without any intentions of hurting one's feelings, ya know. If she's your friend as you are her's then just let this fly by as if nothing happened.

You agree you do look like your mom so what's the big deal? I could understand if she was a serial killer or something but she's not, she's a great woman who raised a strong woman so be strong and forget this ever happened.

[MoonMommy]

Maybe she is jealous of you that is why she has to bring up her education. Ya never know.

[tbs727]

It's possible she only meant that a lot of women don't want to look like their moms. It's so hard to tell what people mean in written conversation.

Having said that, I probably would have read the comment the same. She should have left off the part of "I know you will probably hate to hear this..."

I agree with this. It's so difficult to communicate via email because tones and expressions are missing. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, but if this is the main thing that makes you want to end a friendship, you should get some clarification.

[C@rol]

Sounds like you two have grown in different directions. Her time in your life is over, you're both different people now. I've had this happen too.

Don't feel bad just move on and look forward to meeting new people. And since you say your Mom is awesome, be proud you look like her. It's a honor.

[themartins903]

I have to agree saying that it's hard to read "tone" in emails. I come across acquaintances and old friends all the time and send emails with pictures of my family, etc. Even one friend who did frequent my home when we were younger said the very same thing but referenced my looks to my dad. She said, "Gosh you look just like your dad!". Hence him being 76 now, I knew exactly what she meant. I have my father's nose and look like him.

I truly don't think she intended to hurt your feelings, I really don't. She was probably feeling the situation out to be sure and not hurt your feelings because of so much time that had passed.

************************************************
I have read emails wrong and took some words harsh, but after speaking to the person on the phone, they were almost in tears because hurting my feelings was not their intention. It's really hard to read emotion and body language in emails.

Hope this finds you well.
Good luck
Melissa

[janelane]

Aw, don't let it upset ya so much. *hugs* You said you guys got back in touch after you knew each other in high school, a time I'm sure you probably weren't happy with your mother at times, what teenager doesn't vent to her friends about her 'rents occassionally? I think the, "I know you'll hate to hear this" was probably reminiscent of that era. A lot of people flinch when they get "You're just like your mother!" statements, she was probably qualifying her remark in hopes not to offend you.

[madhen]

I'll second (or is it third) that motion re: tone in emails. I have one co-worker who I also consider a friend, although not a close one. (We'll go to lunch if we happen to be in each other's office, but not much more.) She tends to just bang away at the keyboard and she often come across as really pushy and offensive. When you pick up the phone to call her, she is completely different.

[stinkbug]

Mainly, this was just the latest in her weird off-handed insults towards me. Like "Since you don't work...." in her ploy to recruit me into her MLM scam. No thanks. Basically I feel like she only responds or gets in touch when she has something she can ding me with....
I have NO problem with looking like my mom, i actully wish I was more like her in her kindness and compassion. I have my dad's personality
No harm - no foul.
I just feel really isolated sometimes.....
I have OCD and agorophobia to an extent, and new situations are hard for me.