HELP with my 16 year DD...

**oct2667us** · 10-10-2008, 03:19 PM

GRRRR.. I am at a loss with my DD16 . All I get from her is I need money for this and money for that. There is always some thing at school she needs money for. And the cell phone she has is a prepaid and it is a Track phone and the cheep card is 20 $ for 60 Min's ,well that don't last no time at all.
for Amber to get her cell card she has to do the dishes every night .. Which that don't happen a lot because she has things after school like sports and cheer leading starts soon... uGGGG that is more money. I want her to have a good time being a teen but I am feeling kinda lost. I think she should be doing more around the house. But if I don't tell her what to do she will not do it. What can I do ?

**Izzy0906** · 10-10-2008, 03:21 PM

I wasn't allowed to get a job when I was 16 people my parents wanted me to concentrate on school and I had cheerleading every day. I did have chores and an allowance. I received $20/week allowance and $25/month clothing allowance. This was in 1996. That's what I had and that's it. They ONLY thing my mother covered were expenses for cheerleading and school. My own phone line, etc... was MY responsiblity to save to pay for.

**joyofsix** · 10-10-2008, 03:27 PM

I have a 16 yo dd and a 14 yo ds. They do present challenges don't they. I would sit her down and have an adult conversation. Not accusing, not yelling, just explain you want her to have fun and understand she doesn't have time for a job BUT if she wants money she needs to free you up to go earn or save some. Tell her you know she's mature enough to understand that. Then, post what you want done. If it's not, no $$$. She'll catch on real quick when she has no phone. (You can still dial 911 so she won't be in danger). YMMV

**Darlene** · 10-10-2008, 03:29 PM

Time for her to find a babysitting job & earn her own extras.

**shortstack** · 10-10-2008, 03:38 PM

I got my first part time job at our local mall selling shoes when I was 15 (it was not that long ago). I hated it but it sure made me appreciate the value of a dollar. My parents had the money to pay for everything I needed and pretty much wanted but wanted me to learn a valuable lesson about money.

Andrea

**3tomboys** · 10-10-2008, 04:01 PM

I have 3 dd's. My dh and I have always felt that one of the most important lessons we needed to teach are children was responsibility with their life and their money. When are oldest (now 17) was 15 years old she decided to give up softball (she had played for 6 years and was on her high school team) so that she could get a job. She knew from an early age that when the time came to drive she would have to split the first year of car insurance for her with us and pay her share in full after that. She also knew that if she wanted extras (cell phone, designer jeans,CAR) she would have to pay for them. She has worked for the same sandwich shop for 2 years, she has paid cash for a nice reliable car that will see her through college, motorcycle, laptop and recently replaced her inexpensive cell phone with one she had to have. She has a checking and savings account and no debt. My dh and I have kept paying for school related things and her clothing (what we have budgeted for). She has learned that things do not come without hard work. Are 2 younger daughters (14 & 15) both babysat all summer and saved the money they made. They also prurchased fancier cell phones then we were willing to provide and when the amount budgeted for school clothes was not what they liked they pitched in some of there own. Are 15 year old is waiting anxiously to get a job in a couple of more months. I guess what I am trying to say is that if your daughter thinks that you are bank Mom for everything then she will not understand that you work hard to provide her with what she has. Maybe she needs to free up a little after school time and earn some of her own spending money.

**Cricketlegs** · 10-10-2008, 04:12 PM

Some days I would swear my dds are trying to suck all the life right out of my body.

Other days I love them madly.

No one ever said being a Mama was easy.

**kittykatstrong** · 10-10-2008, 04:22 PM

I Would have her get a job. But if you are not willing to or you think she does not have the time then she needs to set up a budget. She gets X amount for her phone for a month and that is it. She has to do the dishes x times a week or no phone. Stick to your guns. We have budgets dont we.

**FrugalMomof3** · 10-10-2008, 06:10 PM

Well.... hate to be the meanie but I would make her get a job.... money doesnt grow on trees and a cell phone and "wants" aren't something us parents have to provide, KWIM?

If she wants this or that and cell phone minutes she should get a job... my oldest DS wanted expensive sneakers clothes, a computer and a cell phone, I told him to get a job and he did... no questions asked. I just explained to him that as long as I provided a roof over his head, clothes on his back, food in his stomach and toliet paper to wipe his butt I was doing my job, anything above and beyond that to me are "wants" and he would have to get them himself the right way with a job and he did.

**dianne9106** · 10-10-2008, 06:19 PM

Your DD getting a job would be good for her. My DS - age 17 works, goes to school - he is a senior and gets good grades. He also does after school activities - JROTC Raiders and will start wrestling soon. Some days he is up from 6 am and does not get home until 9 or 10 pm. He is committed to having gas in his car and money in his pocket.

**ladykemma2** · 10-10-2008, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by oct2667us

GRRRR.. I am at a loss with my DD16 . All I get from her is I need money for this and money for that. There is always some thing at school she needs money for. And the cell phone she has is a prepaid and it is a Track phone and the cheep card is 20 $ for 60 Min's ,well that don't last no time at all.
for Amber to get her cell card she has to do the dishes every night .. Which that don't happen a lot because she has things after school like sports and cheer leading starts soon... uGGGG that is more money. I want her to have a good time being a teen but I am feeling kinda lost. I think she should be doing more around the house. But if I don't tell her what to do she will not do it. What can I do ?

i am not a parent, but i am a high school teacher. these kids don't get home from games and such til midnight sometimes. a job and high school cheerleading would be impossible.

i would set chores ( a lot) for saturdays or sundays. possibly for a 60 dollar trackphone she has to dust and vacuum the whole house and clean both bathrooms (or something).

**Squirt** · 10-10-2008, 06:20 PM

I agree with the others. Playing sports instead of getting a job is a trade off. It means no extra money. I know you want her to have fun, but do you want her to grow into an adult who prioritizes fun over taking care of her finances? It won't ruin her life to learn how to pay for her own stuff- in fact, it would help her immensely.

As for the phone minutes, when the dishes don't get done, the phone minutes don't get purchased. That doesn't require any reminders or nagging. When she goes without phone minutes long enough, she'll notice that there are dishes to do.

The longer I live the more I realize how smart my mom was...

**jdr250** · 10-10-2008, 07:12 PM

My husband and I agree that it is important for our kids to focus on school and get to be kids. The harsh realities of adulthood come quickly enough. However, that doesn't mean that we don't ask them to help out when things need done. Now my kids aren't old enough to get jobs, but we don't think we will require them too unless they want to work.
But sit your daughter down and explain to her that money doesn't grow on trees. My 13 yr old has a habit of $20 me to death. But the deal is if his grades are up then I don't complain to badly but he knows that what I have to give him is what I have and when i say no that means the money train is done for the month and he understands.
This is just a suggestion but we traded from a tracphone to verizon because it was so much cheaper to pay a monthly fee instead of constantly paying for phone cards. You can even set the phone up to stop working when he's reached his phone useage limit.

**Missourimom** · 10-10-2008, 07:17 PM

I didn't read all the posts, but it sounds like a job is in order. Both of our teenagers are responsible for paying for their car insurance (one pays $170.00 a month, the other $150.00 a month) their own cell phones and gasoline. Not only that,they are required to put $15.00 away weekly towards their property tax bill (for the cars due in Dec) and auto maintenance. To top this off, they are required by us to earn good grades or everything is lost....including the cars. Work builds character.

**pip** · 10-10-2008, 07:28 PM

We're going through the same thing with my almost 18 yo daughter. Almost exactly the same thing! I have been telling her that she needs to be looking for a job, that I am not able to be giving her $ whenever she wants. That is not the way life is and it is doing her no favors to do so. I think part of the problem is that she is hanging around a new group of kids that seem to have a lot of money to spend. It is so hard to be a parent sometimes!