Made to feel crummy about frugality?

[Newsnerd68]

Ever had this happen? Let me vent for a moment.
We were at my boyfriend's brother's returning a cake pan yesterday on our way to Aldi. It was us, b/f's brother, sister-in-law (we don't see eye-to-eye on many things, but that's another story) and sil's sister.
We were talking about a wedding we are attending at the Outer Banks next weekend. B-i-l asked where we were staying. Since b/f is DJing the reception and is close friends with the groom, they're putting us up along with the rest of the wedding party Saturday night. Friday night we are attending the rehearsal and dinner and are finding our own hotel. We haven't booked it yet and will probably just get a room when we get there. That freaked them out. They were saying we wouldn't get a room, etc. and why were we waiting?
Well, we don't get paid again until that Friday and would use up too much of what we have to book it now. They said put it on your credit card. B/f said no. His brother asked why!!! The truth is, it's too close to being maxed out and we don't want to do that. ( He has a very low limit so we don't rack things up) So his brother asks what's on it, etc.! I was so mad! IMO it's rude to ask these things!
So, that passes and we were getting ready to leave, s-i-l asks where we're going. When we said Aldi to shop she said "Ewww. What do you buy there?" Now our Aldi is as nice as any other grocery store. We said we bought almost all our groceries there because it's a lot cheaper. Then she launches into a speech about how cheap we are. Grrrrr!! I really wanted to tell her what I thought of the way they live (all credit cards, loans, they have 2 brand new cars, new furniture, new whatever, whenever) They have a lot of debt, which I figure is none of my business.
I left there feeling awful. Has anybody else had this happen?

[Nishu]

Nope, honestly I've never had it happen to me. Not everyone in my family is frugal but enough of us are that the rest of us know not to talk smack.

Imho, groceries are one of the worst things to overspend on so I always try to keep it cheap. After you eat it, it's gone and so is your money, right? At least if you blow your money on clothes or shoes you have clothes and shoes to show for it.

Your sil sounds really young and silly to me. Don't take it personal. Her lack of tact and financial sense is a sign of her shortcomings, not yours.

[LuvMyHubby]

LOL, yes, this has happened to us before....we have the last laugh as this person is now going through a divorce of her own making and is in credit card debt up to her eyeballs and now saddled with a 500,000 home (which she wanted in the settlment) which is just now occurring to her that on her one salary she cannot even afford the taxes let alone anything else.

Karma has a way of catching up to people.

[Michelle68]

Some people have no idea of boundaries, let alone politeness. It sounds like your S-I-L has a real need to feel superior. She's not worth the time or energy of being angry about her comments. As Nishu said, she sounds very immature. As far as your boyfriend's brother goes, yes, it was very rude to ask what you've put on your cc. Maybe next time you should return the favor and ask for a detailed accounting of all HIS bills.


--Michelle

[FrugalFive]

Most of the people that I run into are just as poor as I am and, if anything, ask how I do it. What I do run into often is when people find out that I don't spend any of my money on junk and always assume that I have money to loan them for a bottle of pop, pack of cigarettes, etc.

[perSue]

lol yep. i get this a lot from colleagues.
anymore i simply don't talk about it unless someone else brings it up.
i dont hide that i'm frugal, i just don't announce it anymore.
and when it comes to family/close colleagues, i just try to ignore it.

why feel down? you're not the one who will have to pay more in interest on something because you let it hang on your CC... you dont have a lot of debt.
You're being smart!

don't let others make you feel down because you're doing what's right for YOU. if it makes you happy and no one's getting hurt, who cares.

by saying nothing you took the high road... it would've been wasted words anyway.

you're doing a great job!

[cab54]

Yes. Back when we started out 30 years ago (newlyweds) we budgetted like crazy and saved a LOT of our income. Meanwhile friends and siblings were doing Hawaiian honeymoons, staying at $500 a night hotels just to say they 'did', taking expensive vacations every year, while we went camping (in a tent).

They thought we were nuts, and said so quite often. People still do. We did finally start taking vacations to FL when the kids got older, but we rented a camper.

Now, everyone we know is up to their eyeballs in debt, and have kids just going into college and no idea where the money will come from, trying to budget and do without and they don't know how!

We have been debt free for years, house paid off, college $$ saved for the kiddos. Don't get a new car till we can pay cash. And we have great memories of listening to nature, in a tent with our kids.

[nvmommyx6]

Having been born and raised in Alaska, my Father was a State Trooper and we were stationed in the Indian villages back in the middle of nowhere!! There were supplied flown in and dropped every month and everything was home made, hand made!!
Without the comfort of power or inside toilets (nope, didn't care!!) until I was 8-9 years old! I knew from he day I was born frugality and beyond! So, I'm totally cool when we have a power outage (actually, I look forward to them!!)! Making everything home or hand made comes naturally to me!
After moving from Alaska to the lower 48 when I was 17 (had it been my choice I'd never have left!) I saw credit, and steered away from it because my Daddy always said, "if you don't have the "cash" for it, you don't need it!!" I stuck to that, I am now 37 years old and have never had a credit card!!
I did watch a lot of people charge, charge, charge!! And I think the epitome of this is a friend of ours who always gave us crap about our $200 camper, because their "toy hauler" was so much nicer!! Their bay liner ski boat was sooo much nicer than our 15 minute little speed boat(hubby fixed a guy's car for the boat, and it took him 15 minutes to fix the car!!)!! However, they only owe about $7600 on their house right now and are losing it, because of their fancy $30,000 boat and $26,000 toy hauler....We are not losing our home or property, we still have a boat and a camper (2 boats, 2 campers and 2 jet ski's actually!) And as we may not only owe $7600 on our home (more like $112,000) we are not losing anything we own because we don't believe in credit!

We get picked on quite a bit for our frugality, and for those who picked on us and poked at us for it, they are all losing danged near every one of their "toys" and their homes right now!
All I can say is, "They might pick on you about it, screw them, it might make you feel "less" for the things that they say, but look who is right in the end!!"

Frugality is worth everything it is cracked up to be, your doing the right thing, keep believing in that and yourself!

[Dancing Lotus]

Not too often but sometimes. Yesterday I was socializing with a group of women who are Wealthy , they have more evening gowns then I do socks!
One of the them really bugs me about getting a babysitter and going out with them. It bothers me because it's not like we don't want to go out , we just can't afford it. First it would be 30 or 40 just for the sitter then double that for dinner and lets not forget that I have nothing to ware. I can't spend 100.00 bucks a week to drink wine in my evening gown with a bunch of wealth people I have nothing in common with. Yet she won't let it go! Some folks just don't get it.

[larabelle]

Well, a couple of family members attempt to make me feel bad about being frugal but I just do not let them. I just keep in the back of my mind that fact that I am coming out of debt and once I am completely out they will still have debt. I still love them ...but I just don't allow their opinion of my frugality influence me.

[Darlene]

With my stickiest sweetest smile I would have shot back with:
"We're doing fine, thanks for asking. We're happy, content & sleep better at night knowing everything we have is paid for. How's all that debt load you're carrying around working for you? It really is too bad that you have all that stuff but still arent happy enough with your life that you have to try to make others feel badly. Have yourself a great day, Buh Bye!" :lipstick:

[rainbowgc]

I would have shot back with:
"We're happy and sleep better at night knowing everything we have is paid for." "How's all that debt load you're carrying around working for you?"

Bet with the economy turning they will soon be changing their tune!

[cheapskate 49]

We have been frugal all our married life and I grew up poor so it just seemed normal.I think when I was younger I may have felt bad about not being able to afford what others could buy.Now I just think what fools these spendthrifts are, spending themselves into servitude to big credit card companies, and I often try to get folk to see the error of their ways, so I would say I am very proud of the way we live and I challenge anyone to try and make me feel bad about it

that said....I think your family was just being rude...and a little bit jealous that you are trying to take control of your finances 'cos they want you in the same boat with them so you can all drown in debt together.
I heard a great reply once when someone asks you a personal or rude question.
Give them a quizical look and say "Now why would you even ask something like that"

[Pianolady]

No, I haven't had that happen yet. But, I have become the "go-to" person when a relative wants to find a good deal on something. It sounds like you have a relative that hasn't quite matured yet, and will hopefully get it someday.

[PrairieRose]

Oh yeah, over the years---many times. But I don't care. I always have felt like I was beating the advertisers, retail stores, etc. at their own game by never paying retail (well when I can avoid it I should say, everyone has to pay retail at times). Really doesn't bother me at all. When I was younger it did but nowadays not at all