Ever invited family/people to stay and regretted it almost immediately?

**Dutchie** · 10-16-2008, 04:01 AM

OMG!!
Warning - this is quite long and is a rant.
I grew up with one of my cousins and after a trip home about 6 months ago we renewed our contact and we agreed that she would come and stay with us for a few days in Oct. with her kids. I hadn't seen her for more than 20 years.
Well they arrived yesterday and they leave Monday.
Roll on Monday!!

She freely admits that she took no part in their upbringing after they were born since she and her DH had a nanny and then after he lost his job, he took over the role of caregiver. So in fact, she has only been looking after her kids for less than 1 year - they are 11 and 14.
They are almost strangers to each - at least that is the feeling that I get.
The distance between them is almost tangible.
Now, because of her divorce from the kids' father, and her feeling of guilt (her words), she allows her kids to do what they want, when they want.
This also means that they eat what they want (or not).
She acknowledges that her DH and herself have failed regarding eating.
Also her kids repeatedly talk back to her and she still doesn't do or say anything about it.
She almost doesn't seem to care.

Her kids eat no veggies, no fruit. They eat only white bread with peanut butter or chocolate spread. In the evening they will eat only french fries and some fried meat. That is it! I am NOT JOKING!!! That is it.
I did ask if could prepare something they really like - but no - fries and fried meat, that is all they will eat.
My kids look at them in amazement both at what they (don't) eat and the fact that their mother allows it.
I am wondering if and when one of my kids (ages 17 to 27) will say something since this way of raising kids is so foreign to them.

**Patty A** · 10-16-2008, 06:36 AM

Yes, like you I seemed to reget it as soon as the words came from my mouth!
It seems that different people have truly different life styles, and some are hard to blend. One time when I had people staying I felt like I had to make an appointment to be able to shower in my own house. At the time I was the only one of 11 people working, my husband is disabled and that left only me to land a job to help out. Here I was the only one working, my husband trying to keep me from getting overwhelmed tried to keep up with everything at home. But I would come home and find my house totalled! Many nights I went to bed in tears as I just couldn't keep up with it all. They would cook and leave the sink full of dirty dishes, nothing had been picked up and stuff was everywhere. They would shower and leave the mess in the bathroom for the next person. I swore if I every got them all out it would never happen again. But it did! A year or so later my son moved home with his wife and she was PG. Boy let me tell you its really hard to have two women in one kitchen! She didn't like anything I did.
She hated the cooking, she didn't like the way I cleaned, and knew everything!

I have learned over the years to NEVER invite someone to stay. It never works out, and it causes a lot of problems for the family that takes someone in. Even for a weekend or a few days, it can cause a lot of problems. I haven't gotten smarter, I don't ever say yes any more. I learned the hard way that people are so different it makes it impossible to work it out if they stay very long! I totally understand your deal with the food, and the disrespect is so hard to watch when you know its wrong! All you can do is hope that the visit will soon be over so HOME can go back to home sweet home. Be careful inviting people to stay, it can turn in to a long term thing and make everyone very unhappy.

**jdr250** · 10-16-2008, 06:43 AM

What a sad situation. I feel for those children. While it must be frustrating as the host watching them waste food or feeling the need to prepare the things that they eat which after one meal yuck, you didn't mention if the children are over weight or mal nutritioned. I don't condone her actions but if they are healthy things could be worse. I know several people whos homes aren't broken and they allow their children to eat nothing but garbage and their children are overweight one even suffers from high blood pressure at the young age at 7.

**Pemberleyan** · 10-16-2008, 08:34 AM

All I can say is I feel for you. She is doing those children no favors!

I am very fortunate that the only people we ever invite to stay are my DH's family and they are all the most fantastic guests one could ever imagine.

I hope the time passes quickly!

**Holly** · 10-16-2008, 09:20 AM

I had some that landed on my doorstep for a week.
Let me tell you their kids learned very fast that what went on my table was what they ate or go hungry. I cook for my family and if others show up they eat it or go without.
Its your home and they would not get special treatment if it was me.

**Moor** · 10-16-2008, 09:32 AM

My brother came from Florida to spend some time after he got married.

When he came to my house, he and his wife were wanting to stay for a couple of days.

I really hate this about myself, but I didn't want them to stay. So since I knew that they were coming, I didn't clean for a couple of days. I left dishes in the sink, didn't vacuum, didn't do laundry, you get the picture.

So when they showed up, I left the dogs out of the cage. My brother hates dogs.

Needless to say, they only stayed the day. I did eventually put the dogs up.

But that is how I keep people from staying! lol

**janis362529** · 10-16-2008, 09:43 AM

ugh I feel bad for those kids.
I have let my neices stay b/c their mother is such a twit and guess what they brought lice. Whch fine their kids it happens but here I was 5 mths preggo dealing with lice and then their Mom forbid to treat their heads or comb through them. Arggg it took me 6 mths to get rid of the lice and a year for the girls to move out. I love those kids like my own and they respected my house but their mother never did. She lived across the street with my inlaws,her parents, but they did not have the room for 4 girls to move in as well.

**jamie79** · 10-16-2008, 10:36 AM

Nope noone gets to stay. Maybe a day or 2 but thats it.

**Dutchie** · 10-16-2008, 11:29 AM

[QUOTE=jdr250;1021622 I know several people whos homes aren't broken and they allow their children to eat nothing but garbage and their children are overweight one even suffers from high blood pressure at the young age at 7.[/QUOTE]

Yes the kids are terribly overweight and have very bad teeth.

**katybug** · 10-16-2008, 12:53 PM

No, but I had a family member invite themselves. My MIL called the day before she was going to arrive and basically told my husband "I'll be in town tomorrow and I'll meet up with you then." She was driving up to stay at his family's lakehouse and we were on the way. I guess in their family anyone who wants to just *drop by and stay* is totally fine. This is not fine at all in my family, you are invited or if you want to visit you make plans WAY ahead of time.

Needless to say, I was working full-time at the time, hubby was full-time in school and working part-time and I was housing my sisters kittens (fostering until they were big enough to be neutered) and they had messed up the guest room. I was upset she was putting me in a horrible situation of having less then 24 hours to prepare for her arrival or having to tell her she can't stay and be the Biotach DIL. She didn't stay, she was upset because she didn't get the whole story and we wanted her to plan ahead. SIL was mad at us because we upset MIL. We have now made a rule if you are coming up our way, we need two weeks notice, MINIMUM.

Of course they still really don't understand why we would act like this. Lets just say, they don't understand how most people live. MIL doesn't work, they have a maid, a gardener and are really bored most of the time, so gladly welcome guests, because they have nothing really they have to do. *sigh* I'm still smarting from that whole incident and thankfully hubby is on my side or I would go mad. FIL tried to pull the whole *I'll be up to visit in a few days* crap on us this summer and hubby told him, sorry, can't do it. Of course he was busy studying for a profession test, so couldn't see him anyways.

Does this happen often in other families? I wouldn't dream of visiting out-of-town relatives/friend without consulting them first. Also planning the visit way ahead of time, it just seems like common sense and common courtesy.

**cab54** · 10-16-2008, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by Moor

My brother came from Florida to spend some time after he got married.

When he came to my house, he and his wife were wanting to stay for a couple of days.

I really hate this about myself, but I didn't want them to stay. So since I knew that they were coming, I didn't clean for a couple of days. I left dishes in the sink, didn't vacuum, didn't do laundry, you get the picture.

So when they showed up, I left the dogs out of the cage. My brother hates dogs.

Needless to say, they only stayed the day. I did eventually put the dogs up.

But that is how I keep people from staying! lol

LOL! Now THIS little piece of info is going into my memory banks! I could use this lil' beauty!

**Missy** · 10-16-2008, 01:26 PM

argh...i won't ever ever ever have anyone here ever ever again....

**Contrary Housewife** · 10-16-2008, 02:45 PM

I'm very selective about who I invite to stay in our home. There is a handful of close friends who I know will not be rude or obnoxious guests, and who understand our limited entertaining space. To the rest when they say they are visiting I ask if I can help them book rooms in a nearby hotel. I do this with anyone who has children because our house is not child safe. There's stuff I don't want kids in, and there's stuff it's not safe for kids to be into and I'm not boxing up my entire house for a visitor.

My mother visited last year (It's my house mom, and like you always said, I don't have to vacuum when I grow up, if I don't want to) and she stayed a couple days on the understanding that the guest bed was stored in the garage and she was welcome to the couch in the family room for as long as she wanted.

**annymoll** · 10-16-2008, 05:27 PM

We don't really do the extended house guest thing. We do have family and a few select friends that will stay for short periods of time, but they are not problems.I cannot take visitors for any period of time.I feel for you.(Rotten teeth in small children?Obesity in children?Those people would high tail it out of my house because I would give them an earful about their negligence)

**PrairieRose** · 10-16-2008, 08:00 PM

Um, to answer your question.....yes. But we don't host extended guests. A few nights but honestly there are people that you know if you ever let them stay one night you'd never be free of them. So I'm careful, very careful.......