taking kids money - sorta rant

**perSue** · 10-22-2008, 09:39 AM

ok so i'm out the other day talking w/some ppl about really anything.
one of the women brought up that she'd borrowed money from her 12yo dd... like 20$... with the intention of paying her dd back.

now, another woman commented how her 13yo son "hoards" money away. Ok, sounds like a smart kid to me! lol
She admitted to going in his room rummaging for his "hide aways" and taking money. She says she "needs money" and he's got it and so she just takes it... because "it was hers in the first place."

I was honestly appalled. And I ended up walking away. I couldn't say anything nice and didn't want to cause a scene... but the whole discussion started to break up after I left anyway.

What do you think about this?
Did I over react emotionally?

**Greebo** · 10-22-2008, 09:44 AM

I think you need to associate with a better class of people.

If the parents give the children money, it stops being the parents and becomes the childs. All those mothers are doing is teaching their children that they have no rights, and that mommy can't be trusted.

Man that kind of story jsut makes me ...

**leezza** · 10-22-2008, 09:44 AM

Persue,

I am with you this kinda stuff is really crappy and it stays with the child for life I think......they may have some money/trust issues to go thru as they get older.

That said I find nothing wrong with family members borrowing money as long as they pay it back.........all done up front........no stealing.

JMHO,
leezza

**monkeywrangler71** · 10-22-2008, 09:47 AM

I've borrowed money from my daughter (with permission) and paid her back, for example if I needed to pay the paper boy or something and didn't have any cash on hand. But sneaking into their room and stealing money is absolutely appalling.

**nodmicks** · 10-22-2008, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71

I've borrowed money from my daughter (with permission) and paid her back, for example if I needed to pay the paper boy or something and didn't have any cash on hand. But sneaking into their room and stealing money is absolutely appalling.

I've done this too. Things such as he comes home and needs $3 for a class tomorrow and I only have a $50. I can't imagine ever stealing your kids money. That is terrible!

**justpeachy92** · 10-22-2008, 10:10 AM

For me there would have to be a true emergency, to ever go in my child's room and search for money. That being said there have been times I have had the kids use their money for something I would normally pay for, but didn't have the cash on me. When I do borrow from the kids they get paid back in interest.

**jamie79** · 10-22-2008, 10:16 AM

thats just appaling

**pip** · 10-22-2008, 10:19 AM

My mom used to sneak some of my brother's halloween candy stash.... seriously, though, what is wrong with people? That money is not theirs to take (unless agreed upon ahead of time by the kids), and it shows no self control to just go in and take because they know it is there. Isn't this just another example of what is wrong with our society? People don't HAVE the money, so they borrow just because they can.

**MisaLady** · 10-22-2008, 10:20 AM

My mother's boyfriend used to do this to me all the time when I was a kid. I'd go into my bank and be heartbroken because the $50 or so I thought I'd had (I kept track mentally) ended up only being a couple of dollars. And it wasn't like he really needed it. It was for things like booze or to buy himself something fun.

What a kid learns from that is not to save money because it won't be there later.

**Gardengal18** · 10-22-2008, 10:20 AM

How can anyone in their right mind STEAL from a child? If it were me I'd be looking for a better class of friends to hang around with.

**YarnTotingMama** · 10-22-2008, 10:22 AM

I couldn't say I wouldn't have responded the same. My only encounter remotely similar was a couple years ago when we had a unique and important financial need come up and DH went to his mother about cashing in an investment she'd put aside for him with money he'd earned doing some commercial as a child only to find out from her that she'd taken the money out and spent it years ago. With her history of financial irresponsibility it was difficult to take gracefully however it helped that she did manage to get him the money needed. Beyond the money though, it's really the violation of principle that is bothersome, to say the least.

**perSue** · 10-22-2008, 10:27 AM

let me just say these ppl aren't my friends. just some ppl i happened to be around just talking to. that's why I walked away.

and i agree with all of you. i could have said so many things, but i honestly shook my head & walked away when she said that.

and we too have borrowed money (cash we didnt have at the moment) from ds... i think everyone does... but BORROWING money (with the intent of paying it back) is different from "rummaging" and outright stealing.

I'm sorry MisaLady that you had to endure this type of behaviour.

Now, I feel bad when we have to ask kiddo for money... but i always pay more on top of the "borrowed" to show good intent.

thanks for your thoughts on this.

**cab54** · 10-22-2008, 10:38 AM

Borrow, Yes, with FULL intention of paying back--and doing so. For emergencies only.

Taking, NO.

MisaLady--<<HUGS>> That sucks.

**mom2three** · 10-22-2008, 10:52 AM

If our kids get cash for their birthdays, we let them spend a small amount, we use the rest, but we transfer the money from our bank account to theirs to cover anything we have used (and they know this). I would never really think of taking their money, but hubby's attitude is that we provide for them so it shouldn't be a real problem (he doesn't do it though). Having said that, our 4 year old may have to take her money to pay for some household stuff as a lesson - she can be quite destructive in a short period of time. LAst night while I was helping my eldest with homework (~15 minutes), she destroyed three cassette tapes, a blind, and a bedskirt! You may say it is supervision, but his can take as little as about 3 minutes. My other 2 are not destructive at all!

**TexasPeanut** · 10-22-2008, 01:09 PM

My 11 yr old son gets money from family for birthday and Christmas and he gets an age appropriate allowance weekly from us (not based on school work or chores, even though he has chores) and he hoards money in his room like the devil on top of what's in his account. I never dream or even think of touching it as his parent. There is only one time that comes to mind when I did have an emergency and needed to pick up something on the way into town, and asked him if he could lend me one of his ten dollar bills and I will pay him right back. Which he did, and I paid him right back as soon as we got into town and went to the ATM.