Would you handle this 'teachable' moment differently?

**khaski** · 11-01-2008, 09:45 PM

Upon inspecting our cell phone bills, up $6 from norm this month, we figured out my 10 yo son used it to text his friends while on a sports trip all day, 2 days last month. Now he was SPECIFICALLY told to only use the phone to call home to let us know what time to pick him up. He is at his father's this weekend and doesn't yet know we're 'on to' him (and btw, reading through the sent texts on my phone, he was texting the kids ON THE BUS with him- sheesh). I didn't catch this earlier as I only use my phone to call hubby once in a blue moon when out and about, NEVER text.
So...we JUST started him on 'commissions' and he has earned $2 doing jobs this past week- he gets paid bi-weekly with a $12 cap. We discussed it and decided he of course would be expected to pay for the texting out of his own pocket- and this is how we will do it. Pay him his pay on pay day, in cash, counted out, then whip out the bill and take back $6 for the texting fees. The hope is having the cash in hand, then losing it, will have far more impact than just having him 'work it out'. My hubby pointed out we don't want to point out the bill to him yet as knowing him, he simply will get very discouraged 'he' doesn't get the $ he's worked for as he has to pay the bill.

Good idea, or mean to not be upfront he will be losing $6 this time around? I really think physically seeing the cost is important here, and don't wnat him not working to attempt to circumvent this.

**Greebo** · 11-01-2008, 09:54 PM

Sounds like a great idea to me.

**karone** · 11-01-2008, 10:03 PM

sounds good to me.

**khjmom** · 11-01-2008, 10:07 PM

That worked with our daughter....when she did the very same thing. She hasn't done it again...but her cost was over $50.

**YarnTotingMama** · 11-01-2008, 10:10 PM

Sounds reasonable.

**missyali** · 11-01-2008, 10:40 PM

I would handle it the same way.

**justpeachy92** · 11-02-2008, 12:25 AM

I agree that it sounds reasonable. My only thought is was aware of the fact that sending the texts wasn't free. My nephew ran up SIL cell bill with doing the texts, he didn't realize there was an additional fee for sending them. If he was truely unaware of the fees I might not make him pay for them if it was my child. Toss it up as a lesson learned. Though you also told him what the phone was to be used for, so maybe still paying the fees is punishment for not following rules.

**zakity** · 11-02-2008, 12:49 AM

Sounds reasonable. But, like the other person said, I think I would make sure that he realizes that there was a charge for texting.

**Patty A** · 11-02-2008, 07:00 AM

I think its a great way for him to see how fast money can go when you aren't doing what you have been told. You told him to ONLY use the phone to call home, he didn't, it will be a very good lesson in learning not only the cost in money, but also the cost in not listening and doing what he was told to do. He has to learn to "play" by the rules!

**PennyWise** · 11-02-2008, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by missyali

I would handle it the same way.

Me too!

**Darlene** · 11-02-2008, 08:03 AM

I agree, this will let him know you two mean business. Definitely hand him a detailed bill with bus texting noted. Choices have consequences & it's a great lesson for him to learn.

Edited to add:
I think you can call your provider and have texting disabled on his phone. Anyone know for sure?

**nvmommyx6** · 11-02-2008, 08:19 AM

I agree, I dont think your being mean, I believe a lot more parent should be doing as you are, teaching responsability AND accountability!!

And not sneaky either, I mean, did you know the charges were going to be on the phone before you got the bill?!! So, it is not mean that the bill be a surprise to him as well!!!

**Nishu** · 11-02-2008, 09:07 AM

Did you tell him not to text and was he aware that he would be responsible for his own bill?

Let's say you start a new job. Your workplace has a cooler, unlocked, with sodas, teas and bottled water. You see all your coworkers help themselves to the drinks and when you ask, maybe the other employees tell you the drinks are specifically for the employees. What you don't know is that you're charged every time. So thinking they're free, you take 3 a day. Now you owe, lets say, 30 bucks. Your employer knows this, is aware that you don't realize they're not free, but chooses not to tell you for whatever reason. Then you get the nice surprise of seeing it come out of your paycheck.

In other words, no, I absolutely would not handle it that way and I would also say that you need to just suck it up if you did not inform him that he'd be responsible for the cost beforehand. If anything, make him aware of the costs and tell him that he'll be responsible in the future.

ETA I just read that he was told not to use it in that way... so I'd say charging him is okay, but I would not surprise him with the bill. I think that having him work on commission and then taking his money without warning would not be appropriate.

**Nishu** · 11-02-2008, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by khaski

My hubby pointed out we don't want to point out the bill to him yet as knowing him, he simply will get very discouraged 'he' doesn't get the $ he's worked for as he has to pay the bill.

Ok, I know I'm going to beat this to death and but I realized why this doesn't sit right with me.

Doing this is dishonest. You can justify it anyway you want, you're the parent, you have the right... but you're purposely withholding information in order to get the behavior you want, and it is dishonest. If your kid is old enough to work a cell phone, he's old enough to pick up on that dishonesty. If you would be okay with your friend, your boss, or your parents (even today) doing such a thing to you, then by all means go ahead. But don't be surprised when your child starts to act as though that kind of dishonesty is acceptable.

Ok I'm done.

**cheles2kids** · 11-02-2008, 02:12 PM

Yep, I agree. Great idea.

My 15 ds. did something similar last month on our home phone (we only have 75 min. of long distance each month and everything over that is .10 a minute).
He ultimately was saved by not having to pay for any of those 75 minutes because he used all of those too & still racked up an additional $24.00 on top of that.
But my 15 ds. amount was $24.00, he sure hated having to pay us for those phones calls but he got the idea really quick.
Although I did go over every charge/call he made to let him see how quickly it added up.