Ugh my brother in law passed away

**janis362529** · 11-04-2008, 09:26 AM

And I say ugh b/c he was such a spiteful person. Everytime someone hurt him he would 1 up them by throwing his HIV status in their face. The one time my SIL asked him to move out so he slit his wrists and bleed all over her house while her girls were home. Any hoos someone in the family pissed in his cornflakes a year ago and he disappeared. 2 nights ago we recieved a phone call from a hospice in Penns. that he passed away.

So now my hubby is distraught wondering how and what he did to upset his brother so much that he wouldn't even call to say hi let alone goodbye. He's upset that he didn't try harder to get in touch with him. I spent all day yesterday trying to be there for him and he shut mew out today he again was called out of work and just curled up in bed. So I called his boss and begged them to call Ray and convince him to go to work. So he is off at work not pissed at me for forceing him to work.

Now I have to clean,pack and make today special for my 4 yr old. Luckly she had her party on halloween which would have been perfect except some good friends of ours were involved in a very serious accident.

All this on top of my bipolar depression side flareing I just have a black cloud over me.

**Momto2Boyz** · 11-04-2008, 10:04 AM

That's sad. I can understand why your hubby is upset, but he'll come to realize that when someone else doesn't want contact with you, there isn't anything you can do about it. Your BIL probably needed to deal with his mortality in his own way, and for some people it is easier to deal with if you isolate yourself from those you are close to.

Hope things look up for you guys soon!

**frugalbabe** · 11-04-2008, 10:15 AM

It's crazy the emotions that come with a death, even when that death is expected and with someone that you had a difficult relationship with. I think you're right the only thing you can do is be there for dh and just understand that his reactions, even while not always rational, are still valid. I am going through something a bit like this right now with a friend whose husband committed suicide a month ago leaving her and their little children. The anger I have toward him can be unreal at times I go from anger to grief to guilt. I hope your dh can find the peace he needs at this time

**Jskell911** · 11-04-2008, 10:18 AM

Janis,

I am sorry you are getting dumped on in all directions. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. It seems like your hubby has some guilt issues to work out as well. I can kinda understand his reactions. I know it's difficult for you to be the "battering post" so to speak. But know that he is acting his grief out with you because he feels most secure with you.

It's true that people lash out the most with those they love the most. It's a security thing. My son did the same with me when he was younger. All you can do is keep being there for him and let him know you love him.

I hope things improve for you soon. I know dealing with your own illness can be tough enough without all of this other stuff