Need advice....

**happimommi** · 11-04-2008, 11:59 AM

I recieved a phone call from our minister's wife today inviting me to go to lunch with her and a couple of other women on Friday. Sounds like fun except that one of the women that is coming recently moved here after marrying a man that attends our church, who is a convicted sex offender. This man has always creeped me out and I found out about his conviction after Googleing him. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and just being around this man brings back bad memories (he gives out really creepy vibes) and I can't understand why a woman would marry a man that raped a child. I don't think I handled the invite to lunch well, I didn't give her a definete answer. I really don't know what to do....just sitting her I am crying and shaking at the prospect of being in this other woman's company. I already said I didn't have plans for Friday, so I can't use that excuse. Should I tell my friend the truth or make an excuse or should I go? Help!!!

**FrugalMomof3** · 11-04-2008, 12:08 PM

I think that you shouldn't go. Just tell her thanks for the invite but I am unable to attend. You dont have to give an excuse.

I am like you and dont think I would have handled it well either, just be strong and let them know you can't go.

**Grayce** · 11-04-2008, 12:08 PM

I would decline the invitation. I would just say something came up and leave it at that.

**Greebo** · 11-04-2008, 12:26 PM

"Thank you so much but I cannot attend this time."

**madhen** · 11-04-2008, 12:40 PM

If I don't want to go, I just say thank you, but I'm going to have to pass on this one. That way, you are not having to lie or make up excuses that you'll have to remember later.

**ktsmama** · 11-04-2008, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by FrugalMomof3

I think that you shouldn't go. Just tell her thanks for the invite but I am unable to attend. You dont have to give an excuse.

I am like you and dont think I would have handled it well either, just be strong and let them know you can't go.

I agree with Tracy, I don't think you should go if you feel uncomfortable.

**HisDaisy** · 11-04-2008, 12:50 PM

If you don't want to go, then don't go. However, I would be upfront with your friend, as to at least some if the reason why. That may help you avoid the situation again.

**justpeachy92** · 11-04-2008, 12:56 PM

Like the others said, you don't have to give an excuse. Just say I am sorry I can this time, maybe another time.
I am not familiar with the sex offender registery where you are, but I know here in a situation such as my neighbor it will only say something about sex with a minor, but not give other information. In the case of my neighbor her was 19 and got his 17 year old girlfriend pregnant. The parents pressed charges and he is now on the list. Unless you know for a fact that he did indeed rape a child, the possibity exists that there are other explanations for why he is on that list.

**happimommi** · 11-04-2008, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by justpeachy92

I am not familiar with the sex offender registery where you are, but I know here in a situation such as my neighbor it will only say something about sex with a minor, but not give other information. In the case of my neighbor her was 19 and got his 17 year old girlfriend pregnant. The parents pressed charges and he is now on the list. Unless you know for a fact that he did indeed rape a child, the possibity exists that there are other explanations for why he is on that list.

That happens here also, but I checked with this guy, he was convicted of sexual relations with a child under the age of thirteen, he was 40 at the time.
I called the ministers wife and thanked her for her invitation but told her I already had plans. She was very nice about it. I thought about explaining my reasons but didn't want a leture on forgiveness. I feel much better now. Thanks for all of your responses.

**Wendy99** · 11-04-2008, 01:26 PM

From the first post it sounds as though just a bunch of woman are going out for lunch, are the husbands or sig others even invited? If its the bunch of woman I would go .. if that man that makes you uncomfy is going then just decline. I always like to have a reason incase they say "oh thats too bad, why not?" or something. Maybe in the future, if you feel comfortable to do , you could ask the other lady about him and be upfront ... but like the poster above mentioned it could be something it's not ...