Would you seek remarriage if your spouse died?

**forHISglory** · 11-13-2008, 02:00 PM

Today is Hubby's birthday, and I was thinking about how much I love him while wrapping his gifts (2 jars of peanuts and a book on genetics), and fixing a special lunch for him. We've been together for a long long time, and he still is able to melt me with just a smile. He's the most strong and gentle, funny, clever, intelligent, and kind man I have ever met. We share so many common goals, and every day we invest in our common memory bank. Hubby likes to joke that after all these years, I have him trained to be just the way I like!! Probably true for both of us. We are just comfortable together, like a warm sweatshirt on a fall day.

Then I got to thinking about something that he said not long ago. He said that if he died before me, he would want me to remarry. Hey! That's easier said than done! The thought of starting over with someone else, of all the uncertainty, is staggering. At this point in life, I'm not sure I would want to remarry. And I must say that Hubby is much more generous and self-less than I am; while I want him to be happy, the thought of him being happy with another wife is not pleasant!

I realize that this is somewhat morbid and hypothetical all at the same time, but sometimes these thoughts just pop up. Statistically, he will probably die before me. I do not need another man in my life to financially support me. But I may get lonelier than I anticipate. I may want/need companionship. I might be surprised by being able to fall in love again. But right now I just can't fathom ever marrying again if something happened to Hubby. Even if I found someone who was kind and thoughtful, I think I would always be comparing him to Hubby.

Have you ever thought about this? What would be your reasons for wanting to marry again, or not wanting to marry again? Would you want your spouse to marry again if you died first?

And now....... excuse me while I go back to my regularly scheduled loving of my hubby!

**IntlMom** · 11-13-2008, 02:07 PM

While I wouldn't SEEK out another man to marry, if God placed another caring man in my life, I would consider a marriage proposal......(feels funny just typing about "another man")

**Ceashels** · 11-13-2008, 02:07 PM

I believe it was attributed to Jacquelin Kennedy (please correct me if I'm wrong)...

The first time you marry you marry for love, the second time money and the third time companionship.

It would depend on where I am in my lifes journey, if Greebo doesn't eat the mushroom till I'm 70 yrs old.... why bother. LOL

But I can't imagine anyone else filling the void he would leave if he were to die first.

**Nishu** · 11-13-2008, 02:10 PM

I've thought about it before because we've had several men in our family that have passed recently, all leaving spouses. We also hear a lot about people who've been lost in the war because of being in the military community.

I wouldn't 'seek' remarriage necessarily, but I probably would get married again one day. I like being married. My only problem would be the fact that I'm so spoiled, I'm not really sure how I'd do in any other marriage.

I've told my husband that he needs to bring a date to my funeral if that would make him feel better. I've made it clear to him that I don't want him to be alone just because it's 'too early' or because of offending family or disrespecting my memory. He's a wonderful husband and father, and the last thing I would want for him would to feel guilty about trying to be happy if I passed. I would only want her to be a good stepmom.

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-13-2008, 02:13 PM

Might depend on how old I am. At this point I don't think I would want to live the next 40yrs alone but later in life I might not want to be bothered with a man.
I would rather not think about such a thing, my hubby is as much a part of my life as any of my vital organs. If he were to die I'm sure I would die of a broken heart soon after.

**itsahumanzoo** · 11-13-2008, 02:14 PM

If it was while I'm still pretty young, I would have to say yes. Like others said, I wouldn't go actively seeking a guy right away, but I think if it happened I would let it. And the same goes for him, if I were to pass away young I would want him to remarry.

**Lady_V** · 11-13-2008, 02:17 PM

I am not married (although just about everyone is trying to convince me I am... we're together, but not legal), but if anything happened to Old Man, I would not get 'married' again.

At one point we had 'that talk'. He says he will never fall in love again. I told him I won't make that promise because I never thought I would fall in love... and then I met him.

I am 6 years older than him, so we're neck and neck on the home stretch

He told me that if he was to go first, he'd want me back with my ex (DD's Dad) because he doesn't want me alone. No, he doesn't want me to marry him, but he has been a huge part of my life since 1996. We've stayed very close since the divorce... at times other people swear we are still married.

If anything -did- happen to the Old Man, chances are for financial as well as emotional reasons, DD and I would move in with my ex... at least until I was able to stand on my own again... but I can't see myself back out on the dating scene. I wasn't 'looking for love' when I met either of them... it came to me.

There was a time when the ex and I had 'the talk' and I threatened to put in my will that I wanted to be cremated and mixed in to ceiling paint over our bed

**Russ** · 11-13-2008, 02:23 PM

IF I did she would have to be frugal.

**katybug** · 11-13-2008, 02:29 PM

It is the whole *starting over* with another person that just leaves me:

I would have to say, I wouldn't actively seek another person and I would be 100% more careful about who I married (if I did). My DH is like a limb to me, it is so natural, but would be sorely missed. However, his family is a WHOLE other ball of wax, seriously if I never saw them again, it would be too soon.

However, Dh and I have a friend who says he will hit on me at the funeral, so I guess I'm all set!

~KB

**Ali Lee** · 11-13-2008, 02:36 PM

No.........

**McD** · 11-13-2008, 02:44 PM

I've thought about this a lot and no, I don't think I would.I am quite content wtih the family I have now. If something should ever happen to Zac, that means it's just Wesley and I. I can't imagine bringing someone else into this mix. Wesley and I have been on our own for almost 2 years between Zac's deployment and the police academy. We have a bond that overwhelms even Zac sometimes, I just can't imagine finding someone that would be willing or able to understand that.

**Karla** · 11-13-2008, 02:47 PM

Hubby and I have had the talk, at this point I will go before him....but should it be the other way around..I've had the best why settle for less, besides I wouldn't be far behind him.
So for me thats a no.

**tbs727** · 11-13-2008, 02:50 PM

This is an interesting topic to talk about. It's something I've thought about a lot since DH is 10 years older than I. At my current age, I could see myself getting remarrying eventually. Part of me wouldn't mind being alone though. I don't think I'm a very good wife.