Work: How Long Before You Fit In?

[mnmarty03]

Hey guys...

So after starting a new job, how long did it take you to fit in and feel comfortable there?

I'm wondering because I'm having some issues at work, and I'm not sure what to do about them, but they are really getting to me.

I work in a small facility (animal care). In my department there are 3 of us that work full time, plus some managers who are in and out depending on the day. The other 2 who work out there with me get along really well. One of them started a week after me, the other has been there a year. In the beginning when the other new girl first started the two worked together a lot - more than I was worked with when I started. I thought, "ok. whatever." But then a month went by and they still worked together a ton. During this time I tried to brush it off...when I would talk to them (when I saw them) I would try to start conversations and be friendly - sometimes it would work ok, other times they would just look at me like I'm from mars or something.

After a month the other new girl and I switched where we worked out in our area, and I thought maybe now the 3rd person would work with me a bit more. Nope. She just kept (and still is) right on working with the other new girl all the time...

Now, when I see them they are nice to me, mostly. The 3rd person can be very nit-picky in details and there are days when I feel like she is always finding something wrong with what I'm doing. I feel like she doesn't trust that I know what's going on and can do my job... and it's frustrating sometimes. We also have communications issues, which I think stem from our brains just working in completely different ways...

I've been trying to brush all this off, but it really makes me feel like an outsider. I get along with most everyone else, but with the two in my area I feel like I don't belong. There are times with everyone else that I feel like an outsider as well - again, I think it's just a personality difference..sometimes they don't understand things I say the way I mean them it seems.

My fiance thinks I need to talk the the 3rd person in my area soon if it doesn't get any better. I don't know if I should. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to her, "Hey. I feel like you and the other new girl don't like me." or "Hey. I feel like you and the other new girl exclude me." Sounds weird.. then what is she supposed to say back? "No. We don't like you." or "Sorry you feel that way, but suck it up." ???

I think I'm going to stick it out.. in 1.5 weeks our routine completely changes because we are no longer open to guests visiting.. plus in the beginning of December another person is starting in our area.. so they dynamic should theroetically be changing completely I would think.

Maybe I'm just afraid.. last time I had issues similar to this with someone I talked to them about it (made the first move) and their response was, "You have a horrible attitude problem and will never get a job anywhere ever." Which, according to everyone else in my life ever, is false...

And... another issue I'm having is that the other new girl is a massive over achiever! She stays late daily, always tries to work in the other department if she can, and is constantly able to learn new things - in large part cause she works with the 3rd person a lot and has more opportunities. I on the other hand, stay late every day (just not always as late as she does), work 6 days a week (she only works 5), and have asked numerous times to learn various things (only to be told no for 1 reason or another).

I hate that though I'm an overachiever, on days when I feel like going home decently on time and actually can, the other new girl makes me feel like I'm a slacker.

Bah. I think this is all in my head a lot too. Someone.. tell me how to cope with it? Please?

[onencgirl]

You're in a tough situation.I have a gf that has the same issues as you. She just tries being nice and get thru her day. It seems no matter what she does, it's never enough. You could try talking to her and asking if you've offended her in some way. Sorry I have no answers for you... but I do know how you're feeling.

[Pemberleyan]

Unfortunately, the people you work with can make all the difference in how pleasant or unpleasant your job is. I worked in an office for a few years where everyone got along very well and things were pleasant until a new employee was hired. His arrogance and rudeness changed everything. Also, I am amazed at how catty and shallow some adults can be! You can't change other people.

I feel for you, but I don't know if I'd bring it up. Try to do a good job, be cheerful and friendly and don't seek their personal approval. Don't receive the guilt trips about not staying so late.

[KandD2007]

I definitely know how this is..

I work in a small office with a lot of women. It seems that when you work with women these kind of things are common.

Do you have a supervisor/boss that is over all 3 of you that maybe you could talk to?

[MoonMommy]

It usually takes me a few weeks to a few months depending on the situation for me to feel like I really fit in. I am quite chatty though so unless the person is cold as ice or flat out doesn't like me it gets better quickly.

Hope things improve for you. ((HUGS))

[WV_mom_of2]

I work in a park campground from April until the end of October. There are only 5 employees in the park, not counting the lifeguards at the pool. This is my second year there. I am very comfortable with my job, with the customers, etc. The other employees are very nice to me, however I can't say that I really fit in with them.

Last year the girl who worked with me was just off the wall. Loud, aggressive, always cursing and looking for a fight with customers. She was a thief and just NOT a nice person at all. We got along as in we walked around each other until she finally quit LOL.

The girl they hired to work with me this year is really nice. I knew her in school and never had a problem with her. She is eager to learn and does what she does well. The problem is she does only the very minimum required of her. Our job is crazy and hectic in the summer months. We have to register campers, clean the campground, run the camp store, answer the phone, deal with tourists, rent the boats and picnic shelters, clean the bath houses, etc. She registers campers, runs the store, answers the phone, rents boats and shelters. She ONLY cleans the minimum in the bath houses, but does a good job on what she does do. She ignores things like mildew on the walls, etc. She NEVER mows the campground, rakes leaves or shovels out the fire pits. She never cleans picnic shelters unless the super tells her to or I say "how about going along with me and helping me out". She is kind of in your face and abrasive and rubs customers the wrong way. I've had to step in a couple of times this summer and take over dealing with customers because she was about to blow her top. She's nice and she treats me well and I like her.

My main problem is with her and the guy who works seasonly there. We all went to school together but I moved here in the 9th grade and they went to school from K up and I think maybe dated a year or so. Anyway they are just nuts together. They are 38 and 41 years old and act like they are three! They sit in our office and talk dirty(and I mean NASTY), they get on the Gator we use and drive it at breakneck speed around the park whoo hooing and screaming and acting like idiots. They sit in the supers office at lunch and laugh so loudly that you can hear them all over the campground. People complain about them to me constantly. He is very lazy and will go all week doing NOTHING but sitting in our office or hiding in the woods somewhere. You ask him to do something and he tells you no and disappears, etc. Their behavior is quite often offensive to me and I have to leave the room and find something to do away from them.

I believe in fun and I like to joke with them, but they go too far. I believe if someone is paying you to do a job, you do it to your very best ability. There are days when I do more in a day up there than the other four do in a week. It gets really old after a while.

So while I am very comfortable with the job I will never really fit in with the people who work there. I just grin and bear it most of the time. I do what I'm supposed to do (and then some of what THEY are supposed to do LOL) and go on about my business!

[perSue]

honestly, i think you're comparing yourself too much w/the other 'new girl'.
if you want/need to go home... go. don't stay cuz "she is".

maybe this new girl & the 3rd person know each other outside of work and that's why they're so close. maybe they live near each other. have you asked?

i'd say stick it out. is this 3rd person your supervisor? If not, who cares. you're there, doing your job, not there to please your coworkers, socially.
just be nice, keep up the good work and when they're around be sociable.

try to find out ways to communicate on their level. they'll take notice because you're trying to explain/say things so they understand it - so it doesnt come across direct/authoritative/whatever it is they think you're communication style is.

and ask lotsa questions.

BUT stick it out... if changes are in the near future, just hang in there. If it gets worse or stays the same... look elsewhere... maybe this isnt the "dynamic" you're looking for. can't hurt.

good luck - i'm pulling for ya.

[mnmarty03]

Thanks everyone -

After I posted this today I continued to think about it throughout the day. I came to the conclusion as well that I'm trying too hard to be liked by them.. to "fit in." I do my job to the best of my abilities (I do make mistakes, some days seems more than others, but I correct each mistake as I'm told about them) and am nice to them when I see them. I do what I'm told and I offer to do extras. I ask regularly to learn new things when I think about them. I stay late daily, and work 6 days a week.

Basically - I do a great job. I'm even told this by my supervisors (other than the 2 people I work with in the area I do) - how great/stellar/wonderful/etc I'm doing at my job.

I've thought about bringing it up with our supervisor (over all 3 of us), but am reluctant. I have a 90 day review coming up in about a month or so and at that time if she asks if I have any complaints/etc I might say that I sometimes feel like I don't fit in.

As far as the communication goes, I'm trying to learn how to communicate with them better. I get happy every time it works.. and I say something that comes out right.

And, now that someone mentions it, I think they might live together actually - before the other new girl started I was talking to person 3 and she said something about the new girl moving in with her sometime... so that could explain some of it as well.

I will definitely stick it out. I love my job - just wish I'd get along w/the people a bit better. But I'm not there to be their best friend.. I'm there to do my job well and to learn for the future. I have friends outside of work (thankfully) that I see regularly, so that helps too. And I signed a 2 year minimum commitment, so I'm committed until 2010!

So, all in all posting this helped so much. And hearing you guys tell me all the things I had been thinking earlier today helps as well! I will try to keep my chin up and stop worrying so much about others - and just focus on me. As long as they are nice to me when I see them (and they are) and I am to them, and as long as I keep doing my best at work - then there is nothing to worry about.

Sherri - sounds like a touch situation at your work! Makes me thankful that though I don't fit in at work, we all work really hard to do our jobs. Lol..really, we're all just a bunch of over achievers! Hope things get better for you!