Need some advice

**CoCo** · 12-07-2008, 12:36 PM

My BF and her family are having hard times,and she asked me for a short term $3000 loan. Her hubby works for the union in the construction biz, and has been laid off just for short 1 to 2 week intervals during the spring and summer, fall work. But now he is looking at no work for at least 16 weeks.( apperently they have no savings) She is a SAHM, and thinks she has no skills to earn anything, her kids are 21 13 and 6. I have the money to help untill they get their tax refund, but what happends if myself or my hubby gets laid off ? I love her and have been buying groceries for her monthly the things they couldn't afford like meat and dairy, but should I loan some money or do I just give her a hug and say I can't afford it? This economy is hard on many but do I cover me and my families hinders or do I go out on a limb and loan it to her? They do live within their means and are just having hard times, what would you do?

Thanks

**phoeny_moonstar** · 12-07-2008, 12:43 PM

Wow, what a tough question to answer. Honestly I don't know if I would be able to give anyone 3,000$ right now even if I had it. I think you're reasons behind NOT giving the money are sound and I also don't think you have to explain to anyone why you can't. But I do understand the other side of this where she needs money. So, I would say I wouldn't give the cash.

**Rebookie** · 12-07-2008, 12:43 PM

Well if the 3000.00 is all you have in saving, then kindly tell her you don't have the funds.. If you can spare it.. Then I (personally) would loan it.

**djbout** · 12-07-2008, 12:51 PM

Friends dont ask friends for money, friends dont lend friends money. Now with saying that I know once the questions been asked its hard to say no. Talked to my MIL last night about this very same thing, her friend keeps borrowing money and she doesn't no how to say no because her friend knows how much money she has. If lending her the money depletes any EF savings in case of crisis in your family dont lend her the money. If you want to say "no" maybe say something to the effect that your savings are "locked in", and that you locked them in so you would not spend them unless DH got laid off.

I know its hard once this sorta question has been asked of you and if you want to keep the friendship you will have to find a way to say no with grace and tact. If you are close enough with her and this request makes you uncomfortable try to find some way to let her know.

**mmy2grls** · 12-07-2008, 01:25 PM

If they know there is going to be a layoff they have time to look for another job. With 2 people one of them should have luck finding something.

I wouldn't let anyone borrow if it would put you in a tight spot

**khjmom** · 12-07-2008, 01:25 PM

Just my

....

I have been in this position. My dh and I aren't well off but we are comfortable right now, even with one in college. We did have the money we could loan her and it was not from our emergency fund. So we did it. Do I think she will pay it back, well...I think she will do her best to. Am I worried about it....nope. I did what my heart told me to do, and that is what I think you should do. You know where you stand on your finances, and you know if you can truely do it or not. We are in a position where we are both in pretty steady jobs, even though my dh's hours were cut back to winter hours a few weeks ago. (He has since then had several oportunities where he was able to earn extra time....and time a a half.) Our pantry is full and we have a good bit in savings right now. It was scary in a sense to write that check, but I have had blessing after blessing fall my way this week....so I know I did the right thing.

**Michelle68** · 12-07-2008, 01:28 PM

I wouldn't lend her the entire $3000 either. You have to look after your family and lending her that much money would probably put your family in financial jeopardy should there be a layoff or emergency. If it makes you feel better and if you feel you can afford it, perhaps you can lend her a portion of what she's asking such as a few hundred or so. Your friend may or may not be able to pay back anything borrows from you, but you want to make sure that you keep enough in the bank that your family can handle any emergency or financial crisis that might come your way. For that reason, if it were me, I wouldn't want to totally deplete my savings.

**Marie78** · 12-07-2008, 01:42 PM

Wow, bless you if you have the funds available to loan out $3,000. That would be all of our EF and then some and so I could not help someone out like that. I think you have been very generous with picking up groceries that you know they can't afford. I would think that one or both of them would try to work during the lay off in order to bring in more money for the family. It's really their financial issue and I am sorry they made it yours. I really hope no one puts us in this kind of position (except our children, my parents helped me out with money my first couple years out on my own).

**Jeanna** · 12-07-2008, 01:46 PM

I have always been told only loan money to friends or family if you would be ok with it not being paid back. Not saying that your friend would try to stiff you but with the economy like it is when tax time comes they may be in even worse shape and need that money for other things and you would possibly be down on the list of priorities. I can't give you a yes or no to loaning it. I just know that I wouldn't. I would rather buy a weeks worth of groceries for them from time to time and such like that to help out.

**CoCo** · 12-07-2008, 02:47 PM

My family and I decieded not to lend the moneies, we did however offer them some work for cash, enough work to make a 900 house payment and a 600 payment for a car. They feel they can't do the work within our guide lines. So I will countinue to help them with foods but thats it. It's the most I can do . thank you all

**JessieMom** · 12-07-2008, 02:54 PM

If I had the money & it wouldn't put me in a bind I would lend money to a dear friend in trouble. Not $3,000, lol, but maybe a thousand or so - I would only lend the amount that I would be comfortable in never seeing again. I have had experience with lending money to friends twice. The first time I lent it but couldn't really afford to, it did make things tight for my own family & that friend never paid it back. I lost that friend because I had bad feelings around it. The second time I lent it with the knowledge that I may never get it back & when that friend did pay it back I was pleasantly surprised.

**FrugalMomof3** · 12-07-2008, 03:10 PM

Well I honestly dont think lending friends money is the right thing. Even if you CAN afford it I wouldn't just out of principle.

**CoCo** · 12-07-2008, 03:27 PM

But I can afford it, EF fully funded and I have been saving for the last 10 yrs I worked. Spend little SAVE everything I can, Thats why I feel like crape, she has jewlery she can sell, it might be 1/2 of what they paid but people that are frugal never bought 1000 chain and charm to go around a neck. Man I will lose a great freindship but I will save and spend as I see fit. I'm not a bank. And I need to be a fortress in this economy, that we will survive and thrive.

**annymoll** · 12-07-2008, 04:12 PM

With three school age children your friend needs to quit asking for loans and get a J*O*B.Mc Donalds is always hiring. Is she too good?Lazy?Shame on her .I would not loan it under those circumstances.

**Pemberleyan** · 12-07-2008, 04:30 PM

I absolutely would not loan it. It's just a bad idea for friends to be borrowing money from one another. I am amazed at how many people don't consider it "necessary" to pay money back.