Do you ever feel guilty

**ri*smom** · 12-21-2008, 12:01 AM

for the grasshoppers? We have some friends and family members who have in the past poked fun at our ant-like lifestyle. Nope we don't have cable. Nope we are not getting it and here's why. Yes, I did buy this at a garage sale. And on and on. And then when the proverbial winter comes, I find myself feeling guilty at what we have made for ourselves . . . and what they have not, KWIM?

**madhen** · 12-21-2008, 12:04 AM

Well, I believe the original Aesop's ant didn't feel sorry for the grasshopper, so I guess maybe that is a good gauge.

**kittykatstrong** · 12-21-2008, 12:10 AM

I compare myself to the ant also sometimes and I worked hard to get where I am. I dont take vacations unless I pay cash, I dont eat out as much I want to, I buy storebrand instead of namebrand. I dont feel guilty for what little I have.

**Patty A** · 12-21-2008, 08:44 AM

The moral of the story could be that what you save today could make the difference in tomorrow. I also often compare it to the the Tortoise and the Hare, slow and steedy gets you where you need to be! It takes time to get out of debt, and learn to do things right. One little turtle step at a time!

**prftstrngr** · 12-21-2008, 08:55 AM

I dont feel guilty for the things I do to survive. I am choosing to be more frugal and in that there is no guilt. We all do what we have to to live....some just chose to learn slower thats all.

**The Muse** · 12-21-2008, 09:00 AM

I don't feel guilty at all. For the most part, everyone is free to make their own choices.

On Thanksgiving, DH's grandfather said, "you two sure have minimal things". To which I replied, "we have everything we need, we love what we have, and we've got minimal debt, too". He concluded that we were "smarter than most".

**ri*smom** · 12-21-2008, 09:01 AM

Well, what baffles me the most is how they have scoffed and snickered (and possibly tried to make us feel less than) and now I am sensing bitterness and resentment, especially in the midst of this new "winter". And one little grasshopper will not be stopped . . . even with the wind whipping at her heels. During our last conversation, I finally, and not so obtusely this time, told her she.needs.to.stop.spending. And she got ticked. But then she will get ticked when they turn her electric off again. Or the telephone. Or she gets summonsed again to court for cc default. Truly my first response is to get p*ssed . . . but I always end up feeling guilty. But why? I have tried to offer advice when it is asked . . . but it always falls on deaf ears.

**homesteadmamma** · 12-21-2008, 10:50 AM

No I don't feel guilty at all for being an ant. We worked hard, slow and steady and so far have done really well for ourselves. I have a brother who can't understand how we can be retired and debt free, yet he is up to his ying yang it debt and only a year younger than I am. He refuses to stop spending and won't do anything to help himself.

One thing I've learnt is not to say anything to him. That's his lifestyle and if he wants to live that way, so be it. No matter what I would say, he isn't going to want to hear it or listen to it. It has to be his decision to stop spending.

**Michelle** · 12-21-2008, 10:58 AM

No, I don't...I do admit to feeling resentful though when we need to help my IL's (not all of my IL's, just a couple of them). They spend, spend, spend and do things that I would love to do, and then they borrow from us, and I get mad because they live high on the hog (is that the expression?

) and still do okay because they get help.

**Pemberleyan** · 12-21-2008, 11:16 AM

No, I don't feel guilty. We're so much out of the social loop that -- well, I guess I don't run into it much. I did get a taste of it when I quit my job to stay at home. There were several, "Oh, it must be nice" sort of reactions. I believe those reactions came with presumptions that we go on vacations, have a mortgage, drive new cars, etc. like most of them do. I confess that while very close relatives have gone on nice vacations for several years in a row, I did feel somewhat envious at times, but they are in a huge amount of debt and I am glad we don't have that.

**mommy4ever** · 12-21-2008, 11:23 AM

I don't feel guilty. We have grasshoppers in our life that are constantly going away, new clothes, traveling out of the country to shop(8 hour drive!) and then brag at the good deals they got. Hmm...spend $1500 for flights, 1000 for hotels to save $5 or 10 on something? I don't get the logic.

We're belittled, I'm told I work my husband too hard, they dont' realize I work just as hard and earn almost as much as his take home. We're told we should take vacations, buy new cars instead of used, and the kids should be dressed in designer clothes bought NEW. They don't understand why I smile and shake my head, I don't waste my time trying to talk logic. We're told that we'll never afford to send any of our 4 kids to school, yet, they have so much debt in their lifestyle, they can't send their 2 kids. They have refinanced for the 5th time in 7 years. BUT WE HAVE THE MONEY ISSUES?

No, don't feel guilty. YOu are doing what you can to ensure you have in what you need for your family. There's no need to feel guilty for beign good providers. Some people take a long long time to learn, and unfortunately, some never do.

**nvmommyx6** · 12-21-2008, 11:33 AM

Could it be that the grasshoppers wont get help until they hit rock bottom, just like a drug addict?!
I dont feel guilty for being the ant, I like being the ant!!

**TheRootedNomad** · 12-21-2008, 11:47 AM

I don't feel guilty at all. I do, like Michelle, occassionally feel resentful though when family members that have not made wise money choices need bailed out. Then it's MY values that end up warring. Family, especially immediate, "your suppose to help out no matter what" vs. "they made their bed now let them lie in it. Bailing them out won't teach them a thing." I hate that I am put in that position.

**cheapskate 49** · 12-21-2008, 12:29 PM

Nope I never feel guilty about our lifestyle and I never lend anyone money. I will offer advice, though it is seldom taken,some folk will never get it -that you just can't have it all.I too had comments when I retired at 55 about how lucky I was and I just said there was no luck involved-if you want luck you have to work for it.

**Michelle** · 12-21-2008, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by TheRootedNomad

Then it's MY values that end up warring. Family, especially immediate, "your suppose to help out no matter what" vs. "they made their bed now let them lie in it. Bailing them out won't teach them a thing." I hate that I am put in that position.

:yes: exactly....

and while we're discussing being put in a horrible position, I hate having to ask for my money back when I loan money (and I say "I", when I should be saying "Dave"). Why should I feel awkward asking for my money back? :gah: