Giving gifts to friends children?

**lovestolaugh** · 12-27-2008, 05:39 PM

Okay, here is the story. I have a very good friend that has 2 daughters ages, 7 & 2. I have always remembered them at birthdays and Christmas. My friend gave gifts to my 2 kids as well. This year however, she did not remember my son's birthday in July. I figured she forgot. No big deal. But now Christmas has come and gone and my children didn't recieve gifts from her. She called to say how much her girls enjoyed the gifts I sent but never made any comment about gifts for my kiddo's. Now let me be clear, I certainly never give a gift because I expect a gift in return. I do not give to get. But my concern is that maybe she wants to quit the exchange and hasn't said anything. Is she hoping that I will catch on and just stop the gifts? I hate to ask her point blank because it sounds like I'm being judgemental. If she wants to stop that's fine with me. I really don't care either way. I just wish I knew what she was thinking. What should I do? Any and all suggestions are welcomed!!!

Oh and just to be clear, this is not a money driven issue. She makes unbelievable money and spent over $2000 for her two girls alone this Christmas. She has no debt except her mortgage and paid for eveything in cash. So what does this all mean?

**MTS04** · 12-27-2008, 08:07 PM

Yep, I would think she wants to stop.

**MommyBliss** · 12-27-2008, 08:14 PM

I would take it as she wants to stop. My cousin did something similar, so I just stopped giving her kids gifts and we are still very friendly.

**Grayce** · 12-27-2008, 09:32 PM

I'd wait until after the holidays and ask her if she is wanting to stop the gift exchange.

**brennasmom** · 12-27-2008, 09:34 PM

I would assume she is wanting to stop exchanging gifts and this is her *hint*

**guest002** · 12-27-2008, 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by Grayce

I'd wait until after the holidays and ask her if she is wanting to stop the gift exchange.

Yes, exactly. If she is your friend you should feel confident enough to ask her straightforward.

QM · 12-27-2008, 11:44 PM

I'd probably wait until well before the first birthday and ask her if she wants to quit giving gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I'd tell her I'm totally OK with it if she is OK with it.

**FrugalMomof3** · 12-28-2008, 12:02 AM

I too would ask straight forward if she wished to stop exchanging gifts.

**annertak** · 12-28-2008, 03:02 AM

I would bring it up and make it sound like she would be doing you a favor if the gift giving is stopped, that way there would be no hard feelings. It sure does sound like she wants to stop, though I think she could have come up with a better way than that!

**Momto2Boyz** · 12-28-2008, 08:30 AM

Here is what I would do. I would skip the Birthday gift, unless you get invited to a party for the kids. Then before next Christmas, explain that you're taking the kids to the store to purchase their own presents this year. You're giving them a budget and all, and you'll be helping them manage their Christmas money. Your trying to help them figure out how much and who they need to spend on, so you'd like to know if her kids would like to exchange gifts with the kids.

It's would be a good lesson for the kids, and also a way to get around the dreaded gift exchange conversation!

**sueh** · 12-28-2008, 09:07 AM

Originally Posted by Momto2Boyz

Here is what I would do. I would skip the Birthday gift, unless you get invited to a party for the kids. Then before next Christmas, explain that you're taking the kids to the store to purchase their own presents this year. You're giving them a budget and all, and you'll be helping them manage their Christmas money. Your trying to help them figure out how much and who they need to spend on, so you'd like to know if her kids would like to exchange gifts with the kids.

It's would be a good lesson for the kids, and also a way to get around the dreaded gift exchange conversation!

I agree with Momto2boyz.
I usually do not give gifts unless my girls are invited to their party.

**lovestolaugh** · 12-28-2008, 11:09 AM

Thanks for all the great suggestions. The problem with waiting until the next birthday party is that my dd's b-day is Friday! Usually everyone send her birthday gifts along with her Christmas gifts. I will wait to see if anything comes for her and if not, then I will point blank ask my friend. I reeeaaally don't care either way, I just hate all the guessing going on. Ugh!

**bumplett** · 12-28-2008, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by Momto2Boyz

Here is what I would do. I would skip the Birthday gift, unless you get invited to a party for the kids. Then before next Christmas, explain that you're taking the kids to the store to purchase their own presents this year. You're giving them a budget and all, and you'll be helping them manage their Christmas money. Your trying to help them figure out how much and who they need to spend on, so you'd like to know if her kids would like to exchange gifts with the kids.

It's would be a good lesson for the kids, and also a way to get around the dreaded gift exchange conversation!

I agree with Mt2B also. Sounds like a winner!

**frugal is fun** · 12-29-2008, 09:57 AM

I'm sort of on the other end of this. I'm recently divorced and my SIL is STILL buying me birthday gifts. I have not bought her a birthday gift in a few years yet she still buys me one.

I'm also scaling down on what I give her kids. I don't plan on stopping completely but I can no longer afford to give each of her three kids $25 for their birthdays and Christmas. This year for Christmas I gave each a $10 gift card and an inexpensive note pad/pencil thing I picked up at the dollar store.

part of my reasoning is financial, part is because of the divorce and also part is because she drives me nuts LOL! She is now getting double gifts for her three kids (my ex and I) yet she gave my 4 yr old son a $25 gift card to Cabelas. For those of you who don't know what Cabelas is, it is a hunting/fishing outdoorsman type store. Yes they do sell childrens clothes but I just found it to be a very odd gift for my son. AND since we only have one child, I just felt she could have actaully gotten him a toy instead of a gift card. I felt bad for him when her kids were opening "gifts" for 10 minutes while he was just standing by watching. And yes I know this is NOT the Christmas spirit and well, it is what it is! LOL!