I really hate feeling....VENT

**mom23boyz** · 01-01-2009, 05:34 AM

JEALOUS!! I try to be a person who is not jealous and is happy for what others get or have BUT right now I am DIEING inside with jealousy, frustration and just plain anger almost. I have a "friend" who we have been estranged on and off for oh about 18 or 19 years for various VERY stupid things.(We are currently friends) Actually come to think of it she has always been the one to "estrange" us anyways.....she is a stay at home mom with 2 kids and I have been trying to figure out how since I can almost guarantee her DH makes about the same maybe a lil more than my DH. She has 2 newer cars, just bought a house and pretty sure various credit cards. I have 1 car payment,NO CC's and I lost my house 2 years ago so I rent.. well today I hear she got a new car for the new year

This is really bothering me...I know it shouldn't but it is. I am out of work on disability and we are scraping by....we were scraping when I worked full time but anyways. I have a couple of theories on her situation that is maybe different than mine.....
1) could be her car was a lease???
2) she is a foster parent also of a lil girl
I just needed to vent cause if I tell my DH he will turn it all around back to high school stuff. I just really want to be a SAHM and I LOVE my car so I don't want a new one.

**ladykemma2** · 01-01-2009, 07:16 AM

ok, go ahead and have your ten minute pity party! have at it!

**Bournecrazy** · 01-01-2009, 08:08 AM

IMHO: if you knew how much debt she is in to get all this stuff then would you still be jealous? she could be putting on a front, like you said she has CC's new cars a mortgage all that screams debt to me

**prftstrngr** · 01-01-2009, 08:49 AM

Did she win the lottery and not tell you?? Kidding... I wouldnt be jealous...she probably has mega debt and thats nothing to be jealous of!

**nuisance26** · 01-01-2009, 08:55 AM

~The government pays foster parents very well. That may be where the money is coming from.

**thefrug** · 01-01-2009, 09:00 AM

Be jealous, then move on hun. Keep plugging away. More than likely what we have here in the rabbit(her) and the turtle(you). She's running full blast, but will drop from exhaustion(bankruptcy). You'll be way ahead in the game when reality smacks her in the face and she's waving by-bye to her car(s) and things. Head up girl!

**Ebbie** · 01-01-2009, 09:59 AM

First off, just to tell you that what you are feeling is COMPLETELY NORMAL! In fact, I can go into detail about how you are actually genetically programmed to feel this way, and was once related to ensuring your survival on this planet and that of your children. The caveman envied his neighbour who had a big spear because it meant he would catch more prey and SURVIVE and that envy spurred the other caveman to get his own spear to compete, otherwise he'd die off. That natural inclination goes haywire in today's world, where acquiring our modern possessions has little relation to our surivival, but the instinct is there just the same.

Two things to tell you: one, just realizing that this is a basic biological reaction and using your intelligence and awareness of that can help you overcome it. And two, the reaction is short-lived. Give it a week or two and you won't even think of it anymore.

**Marie78** · 01-01-2009, 10:11 AM

I think we must all have a friend like this. I do and we are both expecting our first baby this year. She has the 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath house, a nicely decorated nursery, 2 leased vehicles, lots of CC debts, hefty college loans, and will have to rely on daycare heavily.

I am envious of the house and nursery and would like none of the rest. My Dh and I rent a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment. We are in the middle of making room for baby. We have 2 paid for cars, very small college loan on deferment until Dh is done with grad school. We will be debt free in 2 months and Dh and I will be able to share caring for our own child between my working part time and his grad work schedule. Once my Dh is finished with grad school in a few years, we hope to move somewhere warmer (fingers crossed) and I will be a full time SAHM once he finishes his degree. My friend is literally stuck with her house (in a cold climate), car leases, full time job, debts, and that's her choice. I like that my future has a little more freedom and a little more excitement ahead. On the other hand there are still moments that I wish I had a home now and a nursery for our baby.

**fixer** · 01-01-2009, 11:14 AM

Trying to figure out how people do it can make you crazy. I know from experience. Mine does not come from jealousy, I worry that someone figured out something I missed. People who feel the need to show off their stuff are usually insecure about something you have. My guess is that you have a happier life which money cannot buy. Your feelings are completely normal.

**G'MaDebbie** · 01-01-2009, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by nuisance26

~The government pays foster parents very well. That may be where the money is coming from.

Where did you hear this? I am a foster parent in the State of Michigan and trust me, it does not pay "very well". Anyone who is a foster parent knows that you do it for the love and safety of the children, not the money. We care for children ages 0-5. The State of Michigan pays $14.24 a day for a child in that age group, the rate for older children is a few dollars more per day. If you add that up, thats about $400.00 per month to care for a child aged 0-5. When you take into consideration the cost of diapers, wipes, basic essentials, not to mention the time and energy to care for these children, you aren't "making" money. You do it for the kids.
Sorry if this seems to be a little defensive, but it really hits a nerve when people assume foster parents are making money.

**Milly** · 01-01-2009, 12:01 PM

Your relationship with your friend sounds very like the relationship my DD has with one of her old high school pals.

There's no convincing my daughter that her friend is living under a crushing load of debt, although I know that she is (we live in a small community, and people talk).

It'll bite her friend in the butt one day, and I hope my DD is watching when it happens!

**rainbowgc** · 01-01-2009, 12:16 PM

I am disabled too. but instead of envy. I feel lucky to have what I have.
I am waiting for SSDI so I just count my blessings that I can stay home because I am so sick. I think it is normal also for people to occasionally feel the way you do.

**nuisance26** · 01-01-2009, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by G'MaDebbie

Where did you hear this? I am a foster parent in the State of Michigan and trust me, it does not pay "very well". Anyone who is a foster parent knows that you do it for the love and safety of the children, not the money. We care for children ages 0-5. The State of Michigan pays $14.24 a day for a child in that age group, the rate for older children is a few dollars more per day. If you add that up, thats about $400.00 per month to care for a child aged 0-5. When you take into consideration the cost of diapers, wipes, basic essentials, not to mention the time and energy to care for these children, you aren't "making" money. You do it for the kids.
Sorry if this seems to be a little defensive, but it really hits a nerve when people assume foster parents are making money.

~I think you are being a bit too defensive. If I had said 'very well' in italics or bold I could see how you would think I was implying that people wish to get rich from being a fp but I didn't place any emphasis.
I live in NJ and I do know that they compensate a fp here at a much higher rate than you receive in Michigan. But the amount you receive or what a NJ fp receives is irrelevant. Part of the compensation is for expenses and the other for the fp time and effort as you say.
The fp in the original post receives compensation for her effort which makes her income higher than the original poster. That's all I meant or meant to imply.~

**G'MaDebbie** · 01-01-2009, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by nuisance26

~I think you are being a bit too defensive. If I had said 'very well' in italics or bold I could see how you would think I was implying that people wish to get rich from being a fp but I didn't place any emphasis.
I live in NJ and I do know that they compensate a fp here at a much higher rate than you receive in Michigan. But the amount you receive or what a NJ fp receives is irrelevant. Part of the compensation is for expenses and the other for the fp time and effort as you say.
The fp in the original post receives compensation for her effort which makes her income higher than the original poster. That's all I meant or meant to imply.~

I am not meaning to hijack this thread, but NJ does not compensate at a much higher rate, they pay $21.00 more a month than Michigan. And CA actually pays less than Michigan.
Still not sure where people think foster parents "make money" or how their income could be higher...JMHO

**annertak** · 01-01-2009, 01:33 PM

Originally Posted by G'MaDebbie

I am not meaning to hijack this thread, but NJ does not compensate at a much higher rate, they pay $21.00 more a month than Michigan. And CA actually pays less than Michigan.
Still not sure where people think foster parents "make money" or how their income could be higher...JMHO

I have friends who do this, and they make approximately $1200 per child in Washington state.