just a small rant

**thehughughes** · 01-06-2009, 03:07 PM

My mom knowing that I have swarn off credit cards, trying to get out of debt, just called to see if she can use one for perscriptions. She seems to call every month when social secerity runs out and she won't let me help her try to budget. She gets $2300.00 a month!! In December she told me she wanted to buy us all gifts, I told her NO you will just call in January for money and I'll be buying everyones gift anyway. She bought them. So here we are again

**thefrug** · 01-06-2009, 03:15 PM

maybe the next time she wants to buy gifts, tell you need the money instead, and then when she calls to use your CC, give here the money she gave you for gifts LOL. It's a thought. good luck!

**Greebo** · 01-06-2009, 03:16 PM

1) I'm very sorry she is putting you in this position
2) Do not agree to her requests. You'll just be giving an alcoholic a drink.
3) Read "Boundaries" - very good book for ppl w/ parents without them, like yours.
4) GIve her a copy of Dave Ramsey's, "The Total Money Makeover" and say, "I will not even consider helping you until you read every word of this book. Then we can discuss what has to happen."

Good luck!

**Greebo** · 01-06-2009, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by thefrug

maybe the next time she wants to buy gifts, tell you need the money instead, and then when she calls to use your CC, give here the money she gave you for gifts LOL. It's a thought. good luck!

On the other hand, that thar is funny!

**LynnLC** · 01-06-2009, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

1) I'm very sorry she is putting you in this position
2) Do not agree to her requests. You'll just be giving an alcoholic a drink.
3) Read "Boundaries" - very good book for ppl w/ parents without them, like yours.
4) GIve her a copy of Dave Ramsey's, "The Total Money Makeover" and say, "I will not even consider helping you until you read every word of this book. Then we can discuss what has to happen."

Good luck!

Would you really talk to your mother like that, Greebo?

**zakity** · 01-06-2009, 04:28 PM

"I will not even consider helping you until you read every word of this book. Then we can discuss what has to happen."

Good luck!

Would you really talk to your mother like that, Greebo?

Unfortunately, some of them, you have to...

**phoeny_moonstar** · 01-06-2009, 05:01 PM

I know i'm not Greebo but yes I would talk to my mother like that.

**InDiAnNa** · 01-06-2009, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by phoeny_moonstar

I know i'm not Greebo but yes I would talk to my mother like that.

Me too. I am an adult, not a child, and on a level with my mother. If she is going to behave in a way that affects me, my family and my finances, then I would speak to her in that manner.

With some people there is no dressing it up.

**LastDragonfly** · 01-06-2009, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by thehughughes

My mom knowing that I have swarn off credit cards, trying to get out of debt, just called to see if she can use one for perscriptions. She seems to call every month when social secerity runs out and she won't let me help her try to budget. She gets $2300.00 a month!! In December she told me she wanted to buy us all gifts, I told her NO you will just call in January for money and I'll be buying everyones gift anyway. She bought them. So here we are again

Can you verify that she really is out of $$? If she's got your cc for meds shel'll use it for "those shoes" she cant live without. I agree, no budget no $$. If the tables were turned would she expect you to have a budget?

**momof2joys** · 01-06-2009, 10:55 PM

I think all these are great ideas!! I would also check and make sure that she really doesn't have any money!!!! Is there a way she can get her scripts filled when she gets her money??? Automatic or figured into the money she is getting??? That way she can still get her scripts filled and still have money!!! Talk to the pharmacy or the social security office, maybe either one would be able to change the date of the check or date when she can call her scripts in!!! I would see what you can do!!

**Debbie-cat** · 01-06-2009, 11:44 PM

Good ideas everyone, don't think I could add anything new. That's mothers for you!

**Karla** · 01-07-2009, 02:06 AM

I think these are wonderful ideas...now if you can just get her to listen to them.

**Greebo** · 01-07-2009, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by LynnLC

Would you really talk to your mother like that, Greebo?

Mine? No. My mother is the model for Frugal Queen of the Century. If my mother had a failing, is that while she was masterful with money for herself and Dad, she didn't teach me. In fact, she enabled my bad money habits.

My mother in law? Absolutely. What's the choice? Give the alcoholic the drink and say, "Ok, you can have this one drink and THEN you have to quit" or say "No, I wont give you booze, and I wont subsidize you until you start going to AA"?

Which approach actually helps vs. just avoids discomfort?

**rainbowgc** · 01-07-2009, 12:09 PM

Maybe help her sign up with the drug companies prescription help program?

**Sassyclass** · 01-07-2009, 02:08 PM

Why not just say NO? You have no obligation to put yourself in debt for anyone. I'd just tell her you no longer have cc's available. It doesn't matter if you have credit available on them or not, you are not using them so they technically are not available. JM

Cat