I feel like I'm pusing my friend away and feel like everybody avoids me

**Sunnydays777** · 01-07-2009, 09:13 AM

I just need to vent and didn't know where to post this

Maybe it's because I don't have much personality or sense of humor. It costs money to go out and do things which I don't have so I spend all my time at home when I'm not working. I tried volunteering at a local Church but it's too much like going to work so I quit doing that. The only volunteer work I would do is working at a nursery or somewhere I can hold and take care of babies.

I just want someone to carry on a conversation with me. I just want to feel like someone cares about me by calling me and inviting me over to play cards and board games.

How comes noone seems to be interested in my life? I show interest in other people's life by asking them questions and what their plans are or what have they been doing. Then the conversations stops there and the person I talk to doesn't show much interest in getting to know me.

My sister rarely calls me. She tells me to stop asking so many questions. If she and other people showed interest in me and carried on conversations with me, I wouldn't ask so many questions.

Could it be that the people I associate with are self-centered and focused on themselves too much? Maybe alcohol has something to do with it as most of the people I hang out with drink

I do have severe hearing loss which makes it difficult to hear even with hearing aids. The best way for me to hear is one-on-one and the crowd that I hang out with are usually in a group like at someone's house.

I really like my friend "Sarah" but I feel like I'm pushing her away. She's a family friend so my parents and sister knows her, including one of my Aunts. My parents hangs out with her parents occassionally. The thing is I see "Sarah" carry on conversations with other members of my family and tell them stuff about what's going on in her life but doesn't say too much to me unless I ask and it's usually a short response. Even her parents and siblings treat me this way.

I'm getting so tired of feeling left out and lonely. I'm afraid that I'm going to be one of those people that grow old and nobody really notices when they die. I do have pets but they can't talk.

**nvmommyx6** · 01-07-2009, 09:24 AM

maybe sarah feels nervous about your hearing imparement? In all honesty, at first anyhow, I think I would be, but then I am the type of person that would find out the best way to communicate with you and not let it be an issue!
Maybe if you talked to her and just asked her, " are you uncomfortable with my hearing issue?" Maybe that would get her to open up and become more relaxed about it?

I have a friend who is blind, and at first it was kind of hard for me because I guess not knowing how she dealt with it, not knowing how I should deal with it and being nervouse I would say or do the wrong thing and offend her or make her uncomfortable! And lets just say I was dumb about the whole thing until she educated me on her dissability!

Maybe you just need to be up front with Sarah and make her feel more comfortable, tell her how to be comfortable around you and let down her confusion gard so to speak?!

Nice to meet you, and if you need to talk, We're all right here!!
Mommy

**Jayne** · 01-07-2009, 09:26 AM

I'm sorry you feel this way.

..You said you tried volunteering at a church, do you attend that church?....If you do are there any groups you can join?....I have made so many really close friends at my church and it was very hard for me as I am shy and stay to myself...Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and try something different...I hope things get better for you

**kaykwilts** · 01-07-2009, 09:26 AM

I know how you feel. I often feel like I am invisible. People just ignore me because I can't carry on a conversation like they can and am not a social butterfly.

**madhen** · 01-07-2009, 09:42 AM

Well, if you want to talk frugality, you'll have plenty of lively "conversatin" here!

Maybe your forum is the written word, given your hearing loss and the difficulty people have talking to you. I know that when I talk to someone with severe hearing loss, it is a real strain on me, because I am trying to speak clearly and loudly, so the person can hear me, as well as concisely, so they don't have to strain for a long time while I blather on. It is a very self-conscious act, and I can't keep it up for long. Have you checked with your doctor to see if any of the new aids would benefit you?

If not, on-line chatting may be a better way of communicating for you. Maybe ask your friend if she is going to be around one evening, and try a computer "chat" with her. Both of you might find it a lot more relaxing and natural.

I sympathize about not hearing conversation well in situations with a lot of ambient noise. I have a friend who makes people turn their radios off in their offices, because he has trouble with additional (as he calls it) "background" noise.

**thefrug** · 01-07-2009, 09:57 AM

Have you checked to see if there are others with your problem(hearing) in the area and do they have a support group. Also, would you please talk to a minister, preacher, or health care worker at the local mental health clinic? You sound depressed. Theres help. And theres a light at the end of that tunnel. Been there hun, 5yrs. I crawled out and am climbing up. Check online for hearing impaired groups or forums and join. It may open up a whole new world.

**Lora88** · 01-07-2009, 10:07 AM

Im sorry your feeling so lonely maybe people feel as if your questioning them when all your trying to do is show interest. are their singles groups where your located I felt so bad reading your post nobody should fee invisible everyone has something to offer maybe you need a new circle of friends do you like tto read how about a book discussion group at your library. volunteer at a soup kitchen try to step out of your comfort zone and you will find friends

**ladytoysdream** · 01-07-2009, 10:23 AM

Hi,

Can you volunteer to work with animals ? SPCA in your area ?

How about a nursing home ? A lot of older people there have hearing loss. I am sure they would be glad to have some one to play cards with or board games.

I have a hearing loss also. Hearing aides help but are not perfect.

Good luck to you.

**MTS04** · 01-07-2009, 10:37 AM

Well, I am a pretty socially inept person. Really, my people skills stink. so take this with a very large grain of salt.

Perhaps people feel like they are being interrogated with the question asking. Some people feel that a conversation is both question/answer/related chatting. It can be tough to carry on a conversation if you feel like you are being interviewed.

How about trying to start a conversation with : hi, how are you? (listen to them) then "You'll never guess what I did/saw/went etc. today...."
Then a little more chatter. Sometimes talking about a topic will give them something to relate to.

Here you can say "I found x y z bargain" and other folks will pipe up with a "Great find!" or "Good Job" etc. then someone will say "Yes, I went to such and such and found similar, except I...." Sometimes it's not all question and answer. Q&A can really make conversation feel forced.

Also, if you like animals, volunteering with animal people are usually the easiest, because it's always easy to talk about your pet.

Also, this might be worth checking out for social opportunities. http://hearinglossnation.ning.com/

**forHISglory** · 01-07-2009, 10:42 AM

I'm glad to "meet" you here, and sorry that you are so down right now. I, too, have a hearing loss (although not severe yet), and I know what you mean about this getting in the way. I decided to just be up front and humorous about it, and usually there is no problem.

Now about making friends: Sometimes questions about people personally turns them off. Try striking up a conversation about something more common or neutral: weather, sales at the grocery, etc. Ask someone's advice; people tend to love to share advice! Ask for ideas in making a menu, etc. Put the spotlight on others!

I'm a church goer, and my best friends are from there. We share a common passion and vision, so it was easy to strike up a relationship. We work together on common projects, and that gives us time to talk and something to talk about. Try to choose a church that has small discussion or Bible study groups that allow members to get to know each other more. Volunteer specifically to work in the nursery. Most churches really need folks there to love the babies. And instead of just relying on talk to bond you with others, try doing something for others: baking a plate of cookies for them, for example. But the hard truth about all this is that you have to push yourself into action. You have to initiate the friendship. Sadly, most people will not do that for you.

**momof2joys** · 01-07-2009, 10:58 AM

Try talking with others in a more conversation type rather than a question and answer type. Try seeing a counsler or join a support group for hearing loss or depression, etc. I agree with others about being more active in church and volunteering!! Sometimes, just putting yourself out there is the best way to find a new friend!! I know that I sometimes feel like the "ugly duckling" in new situations, but I just go with the flow and by the time we have to leave, I never want to leave. Just hang in there, someone will notice the "fly on the wall", and get curious!!

**Sunnydays777** · 01-07-2009, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by kaykwilts

I know how you feel. I often feel like I am invisible. People just ignore me because I can't carry on a conversation like they can and am not a social butterfly.

That's how I am too. My social skills are poor and I can't carry on a conversation very well.

Originally Posted by momof2joys

Try talking with others in a more conversation type rather than a question and answer type. Try seeing a counsler or join a support group for hearing loss or depression, etc. I agree with others about being more active in church and volunteering!! Sometimes, just putting yourself out there is the best way to find a new friend!! I know that I sometimes feel like the "ugly duckling" in new situations, but I just go with the flow and by the time we have to leave, I never want to leave. Just hang in there, someone will notice the "fly on the wall", and get curious!!

That's how I communicate which is by asking questions to get a response. I don't know how to talk in more of a conversation. I've noticed that the people that I do associate with don't really ask questions but talk in conversation. Maybe that's why they tend to avoid me and not talk to me because I ask too many questions.

I work EVERY weekend so Church is out of the question and the Churches that do have evening services, I'm not interested in. I'd love to find a job where I didn't have to work weekends so I can go to Church but MI is one of the worst states to find a job. The only volunteering I would be interested in is taking care of babies. No offense, but I don't want to work with elderly people in nursing homes.

**Nana2two** · 01-07-2009, 05:32 PM

You know i was kinda like that. I decided to start up a myspace page and open up my people skills a little better, im glad i did it, now when im out i can say hello and have a conversation. Welcome to the boards,we areall 1 big family here.

**zakity** · 01-07-2009, 07:47 PM

I suck at the social skills thing too.

Since you like babies, what about volunteering at a woman's shelter or something like that. I know that the women need a break and sometimes just holding someone's baby for a half hour gives them a chance to take a shower or make a phone call or something. What about a part time job at a daycare in the nursery? Well, if you are willing to change diapers and give them bottles.

And, yeah, the question and answer thing does get old fast. One of the little girls I know has conversations like that. She always comes and sits by me and talks to me. I feel like I am being grilled sometimes. She has some learning issues though and I know she is just trying to socialize. The more she talks to people and gets that practice in the better she will be at it.

**Debbie-cat** · 01-07-2009, 07:56 PM

You don't need to feel lonely anymore with us here at FV! I have made many wonderful new friends here and it has made my days more pleasant and busy! The challenges I have taken on keep me busy but it is fun to post what I have done and see what progress other people have made.

Get involved and enjoy yourself. On of my good friends here on FV said....sometimes online friends are best.

Welcome!!