Advice Needed: How to give a gift/$$?

**rasilla** · 01-07-2009, 12:02 PM

Here is my scenario: My parents have been pretty well-off in the past and own their own business. The recession is hitting them hard and they are at a significant loss this year. I just had a child and basically begged my parents to come visit (which they have never done until now). We had always gone to see them, but with three kids under 3 (one a newborn) us traveling across the country to see them just is not feasible. They are coming to visit. I offered to pay for flight tickets or for a hotel or to give them cash for their expenses. If we would make the trip it would cost us a small fortune, so really we are saving money by sponsoring their travel. My parents are refusing any help and are driving 4 days to see us for 2. I wish there was a way to help them or to make their trip easier - in part with the hope that an easy trip would entice them to make it another time in the next decade. I know that financially, this is not a good time for a trip for them, but they have free time for once... one good thing from the recession, they have never visited before as they couldn't leave work behind.

How can I gift them a hotel stay or something to make their trip easier without hurting their pride? Is there something/anything special that I can do for them? What is something that business owners need/use that I can cover for them discreetly?

**LastDragonfly** · 01-07-2009, 12:11 PM

Rachel,
Perhaps you could get some kind of gift cards and mail them to your parents while they are at your house. That way they would be waiting for them when they got back home and they couldn't argue with you and kinda save face. My parents would NEVER accept anything from me but if I give them something that they cant give back to me they are more accepting.

**UUMomof3** · 01-07-2009, 12:21 PM

I watched my Mom, Aunt and Grandma argue about who would cover the check for years. Grandma always won by sticking some cash into their purses when they weren't looking.

**Momto2Boyz** · 01-07-2009, 12:25 PM

That is a tough one. Would they be terribly upset if you just went ahead and paid for their hotel while they were staying with you? If they have made reservations, you could call the hotel, kind of explain the situation and explain that you would like to prepay their hotel stay. I am pretty sure the hotel would let you do it, but I wouldn't want it to start an argument with your parents. But if they aren't staying with you, you could simply say that you feel guilty that you don't have enough room for them to stay with you for free, so it would ease your guilt by paying for their hotel.

Either that or maybe give them a gas card to use on the way back?

**shadowfax** · 01-07-2009, 12:37 PM

yep convince them that they are doing you a favor by letting you pay.

**frugalbabe** · 01-07-2009, 01:36 PM

You and I are in the exact same boat. My parents still refuse to come and out and leave work so I guess I will be schlepping my kids across the country this summer but for dh's parents what we do is we got a 0% cc in our name and let them have one of the cards which they use or gas/hotel/food when they come to see us and we just pay the bill. I trust them not to use it for anything but their travels to us and it has worked out well.

**guest002** · 01-07-2009, 01:42 PM

Wow, that's a tough one. Would they accept a gas gift card for the trip home?

**Ali Lee** · 01-07-2009, 01:53 PM

Even tho their business is struggling...being a grandparent... the greatest gift you can give them is: keep them called on their trip "can't wait to see you!", the biggest hugs when they walk thru the door, let them love on those babies & spoil them, cook delightful meals (maybe have ready, freezer?), have the picture albums ready & camera charged, and when they leave-have a basket packed ready to hand them, filled with snacks, h2o bottles, and a special note "thank you for being my mom & dad". Later, send them pictures of their stay. To me... I couldn't ask for anthing more. Have a wonderful time together.

**monkeywrangler71** · 01-07-2009, 03:27 PM

The only way I can get my parents to take money from me is to stick it in their stuff when they aren't looking.

**zakity** · 01-07-2009, 08:08 PM

I watched my Mom, Aunt and Grandma argue about who would cover the check for years. Grandma always won by sticking some cash into their purses when they weren't looking.

I am so guilty of this...

Or, you sneak off to go to the bathroom and pay the bill instead.

**forHISglory** · 01-07-2009, 09:38 PM

Bless your kind and caring heart! Your parents raised you right!

If they are staying at a hotel, I would definitely pay for the stay. Also you might take their car in for an oil change and wash and fill it up with gas. I love the idea of a gift basket to take home. Just slip a gas card into the basket. Sounds like you all have a wonderful visit to look forward to.

**fixer** · 01-07-2009, 10:16 PM

These are all good suggestions. I think you will need to be discreet. I know my parents would have a really hard time accepting money from us. The older they get, the more stubborn they become. I believe, in their eyes, I will always be their little boy and they should take care of me.

**rasilla** · 01-08-2009, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by fixer

These are all good suggestions. I think you will need to be discreet. I know my parents would have a really hard time accepting money from us. The older they get, the more stubborn they become. I believe, in their eyes, I will always be their little boy and they should take care of me.

Ditto! I think the gift basket would be the least insulting. My mom already told me not to cover the hotel, when I offered to put them in a B&B. It is a confusing position to be in. I wonder if there is a way I can pay or give them a gas card without their knowledge... I'd do the oil change if they were going to be here during the week and for more than 48h. I'd hate to spend some of the precious time I could have with them sitting at the mechanic.

**Jerseygirl** · 01-08-2009, 01:57 PM

can you beg them to stay longer, as in "Mom I'm so overwhelmed, I can use the help" then offer a couple days at a nice hotel? I like the idea of a gas gift card, slip it to your mom on the way out with a wink and a thank you for helping so much just when you need it...
Maybe a card for dinner at a chain diner or hotel they can use on the way home.
When we stay with dhs family I usually leave a card for Outback or another local steakhouse in the guestroom when we leave since they never let us take them out. With my mom I just call her hairdresser and have them put a $100 credit on her tab (she goes weekly) that they charge to my credit card, things like that add up quickly.
Good luck, parents can be so difficult.

**LuvMyHubby** · 01-08-2009, 07:34 PM

It's really a shame that they are going to be on the road for longer than they can stay. Is there any way that they can stay longer? I like the gift basket idea or once they leave mail a card with some pictures of the time you had with a gas card or gift card to a place they like to eat at back home.

I am always for sneaking some money into something they won't open until they get home. If they mail it back at least you tried and your heart was in the right place.

Enjoy the time you guys have to spend together, I hope it is great.