Would be thrilled if anyone could help with this....

**ballylarkin** · 01-11-2009, 04:10 PM

If this best fits in another forum, please feel free to move it...thanks so much

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My fiance and I are planning to be married this year. We are both over 40 and would like to do a simple ceremony with only about 7 people in attendance at a small chapel. Neither of us is religious.

We live in Wisconsin and my family and most of my friends are in Pennsylvania. At some point after the ceremony we would like to have a very small party in each location to celebrate our marriage. Most likely less than 15-20 people at each location. We both have small immediate families.

One of the reasons for this is that we really have no money and will have to put most of this on our credit cards. We are at the age where the "wedding" is just not a priority but marriage is. We are both very practical and frugal.

I have no idea where to begin. We just got engaged on Friday night.

Here are some musts for me:
-I want a pretty, tea-length dress for under $200. I am a bit larger so it may be tricky to find something flattering and beautiful.
-I would like some sort of flowers.

Other than that, the costs will only be the marriage licence, chapel, person who officiates and ?

For the parties, I would love to have our family members host them and even help to make most of the food.

It doesn't sound expensive at all, certainly not by other's standards....but I'm starting to hyperventilate (well, not seriously, but you get the point).

Here are some questions:
-If we have our best friends stand up for us is it customary, as in a "standard" wedding to buy gifts for them? Do we need to tip the person who officiates?

Is there anything I'm forgetting?

Ideas as to where to look for a dress? Any other tricks or tips?

Thanks so much!!

**khjmom** · 01-11-2009, 04:47 PM

It sounds doable, really. My sister did the same thing a few years ago. You usually do tip the person who officiates, they usually have a set fee, and most do give a small token of appreciation to those who stood up for them. A dress could be tricky, but we found a a simple summer dress, and added some beading ourselves...it wasn't hard. She wears a size 22 and we found the dress at a dress barn. They are starting to put out spring and summer things now, her dress was under $75 and looked like it cost alot more. She was married in a tiny church, not alot of room, so we used potted plants and several hanging baskets which she then was able to use at her home. Alot of them we were able to start as cuttings indoors, and then pot them together for some really pretty arrangements. As for gifts for your attendents, well, almost everyone still has some clearance items left from the holidays. My sister found really pretty earrings for her matron of honor that were clearanced down over 75% that also matched her dress for the wedding. The best man's gift was equally inexpensive. What I am trying to get to...in a longwinded way, is that this can be done. You can do so much of this the frugally, you just don't have to spend a fortune. I would start looking for a dress now....if you know what kind of flowers you want for the wedding, and depending on if they are real or artificial, start looking now for them. Stick to your budget.

*as for the small parties to celebrate your marriage, would a fancier picnic type thing work? Just a thought.....

**momofslg** · 01-11-2009, 04:58 PM

I would look at consignment stores for a dress. There are many that would work beautifully for a wedding. You don't even have to have a white one. What ever makes you feel beautiful will be best.
As for flowers you can take a class at a craft store on flower arranging and make your own bouquet.
Gifts for attendants can be homemade. A photo album of the friendship you have over the years means more than a piece of jewelry you'll hardly ever wear.
I would tip the officiant too as it's customary.

I'm sure that both of your families would be open to hosting a celebration. (in lieu of a gift) You never know unless you ask.

**ballylarkin** · 01-11-2009, 05:38 PM

Thanks so much! Great ideas. We have already thought about a picnic type party. Scott's mom offered her home which is tinier than tiny so we'll be cramped but it could work.

My mom and dad could have our PA party there but they may offer to take us all out to dinner. So we could do a different type party at each location. They may feel more comfy that way.

Thanks so much for responding....I really appreciate it!

**ballylarkin** · 01-11-2009, 05:40 PM

Thanks, Lisa! I'm not too worried about spending money on a dress. It will be my one splurge and compared to other brides my dress will be very inexpensive. I'm thinking of looking for a bridesmaid's dress in a cream color. Not sure though....

I like the homemade gift idea for the attendants. Or even a picture frame of Scott and I and maybe a gift card.

Great ideas! Really appreciated!

**LastDragonfly** · 01-11-2009, 05:52 PM

I have a friend in her 40's who got married. She too was like you and was like aaack! dress, friends, party, lalalala. Now she was quite large and we didn't like any dress she tried on, looked at. We finally found her a really nice pantsuit that had the same "flowing" qualities she wanted in a dress and was classy. It was way less expensive than any dresses we looked at.

The best part, she wore that pant suit to 3 other formal functions.

As her maid of honor, I wore a pant suit as well. She had lovely flowers made and didn't spend alot on other stuff. Then she recreated her flowers in a beautiful arrangement that sits on her piano, with their pictue.

**ballylarkin** · 01-11-2009, 06:02 PM

A nice suit is a great idea....I may do that. I'm a size 16/18....so a dress would probably still be doable. I rarely wear dresses so I think I'd like to explore what's out there. I just have to find a style that's flattering to my "girlish" figure...lol

**misscas** · 01-11-2009, 09:08 PM

Larger ladies weddding outfits:

http://www.romans.com/department.asp...92&12PerPage=1

David's Bridal goes up to 26 if you are wanting something grander. Wait and a couple of times a year they have a $100 sale. It's always advertised.

Good luck.

**ballylarkin** · 01-11-2009, 09:28 PM

Thanks for that David's bridal tip!

**rowdy35** · 01-11-2009, 09:34 PM

I did the same thing a couple of years ago when I got married. We got married in our front room and just had 2 friends there (witnesses) and a friend of ours who performed the ceremony. The officiant didn't want any money, but we gave him $100. I got my dress at a local store for around $225 and I got the shoes at Payless. My husband had a suit and a friend of his lent him a nice tie. One of our guests bought the flowers and champagne. It was so simple. We had him read a poem that kind of explained us. We took pics and that was it.

I do lots of wedding receptions though (catering) so I know how to throw a big party or a small one. You can do a party or reception for very little money. Once you define exactly what you want it will be easy to put the plan together. Low budget options are pasta buffet with salad & rolls and wedding cake. For the punch you can rent a fountain or just borrow one. You can make everything look elegant by draping white fabric or linens and putting white string lights underneath. Instead of real flowers (expensive) you can use candles, colored glass, etc., mirrored tiles, etc. and it will look great.

size 16/18 is a common size. I would look on Craigslist, Ebay and your local thrift stores for a dress. Also consignment shop is a great idea too. If you have to clean it, keep that in mind when you purchase something as it will cost more to clean something with a lot of crystals, etc. Good luck and congrats to you both !!

**elphie** · 01-12-2009, 12:31 AM

You might try looking at prom dresses after prom season and find something in an off white or pastel if you don't have your heart set on a white dress.

I would plan to tip the attendant.

As for gifts for the wedding party, a gift is a nice gesture but doesn't have to be expensive, just a token to show your appreciation.

For flowers you might check with the florist, sometimes they will let you borrow flowering plants for free decorations if you will be purchasing a bouquet from them.

Parsimonious · 01-12-2009, 12:32 AM

Originally Posted by ballylarkin

One of the reasons for this is that we really have no money and will have to put most of this on our credit cards.

Would it be possible to wait 6-12 months longer with the wedding, so that you can pay cash for it? Then you know exactly how much money you have saved for this occasion, can blow it all down to the last penny without feeling too guilty, and begin marriage without (extra) debt.

What I did when I married: Invite people for an early afternoon reception. Cake and coffee is fairly inexpensive. If you own a coffee machine and have friends who can bake it's as good as free :-)

**Contrary Housewife** · 01-12-2009, 01:02 AM

My husband and I were also "mature" by the time we married and we had a very nice, but low cost wedding that did not leave us in debt.

I think the biggest tip I have is to think outside of the "wedding" box. You're having some special friends over for a ceremony and a celebration. You want to dress nice. You want your attendant to dress nice. It doesn't have to be a "wedding" dress or a "bridesmaid" dress. Your attendant might already have a nice dress to wear, like mine did. Second hand shops sound great.

You can have punch (or champagne) and cake at your reception. Simple, elegant, low cost. Nice cakes can be had from many places, and a simple white cake saying "congratulations ___ and ___ " won't cost nearly as much as a "wedding" cake.

To help keep myself from going nuts, I tried to think of it as a family reunion rather than a wedding. Nobody insists you need embossed napkins or matchbook covers printed for a reunion. There's a lot less stress involved on that front.

To avoid spending a lot of money on decorating I chose a location that was pretty in and of itself. I did not do swags or flowers on the pews or paper bells or any of that stuff. The prices add up so fast, and what are you going to do with 30 yards of white tulle and 2 dozen votive holders afterward? I did have chocolate truffles wrapped in cellophane and tied with ribbon scattered down the middle of the banquet table for everyone to take. They were pretty and festive and I didn't have to worry about leftovers. :

:

I would try to avoid putting it on the CC. Save as much as you can starting now. Pay as you go. Start looking for deals on airfare, if you pay in advance and book early you can save a bunch.

And my advice on asking for money as a wedding gift: it's tacky. It's ok if they want to put some in the card, but it's not polite to ask for it. I know you aren't doing this, but I have seen some young couples who feel that in order to pay for their dream wedding they have to get $50 or $100 from each guest, and that's really just out of line.

**mamamia** · 01-12-2009, 02:05 AM

Have you looked on ebay for formal dresses? I was shocked at the variety and low prices for brand new dresses! It's worth a peek anyway. Hope you find what you're looking for!

Theresa

Oh, and I'm sure it'l be a beautiful wedding. These things always seem to work out in the end. Do keep us posted....and pictures please

LOL!