Would like some input please - help me get my thoughts together

**Dutchie** · 02-19-2009, 05:24 AM

This is something that I am wrestling with.

A house that I have always wanted has come on the market.
The neighborhood isn't as good as it used to be but is still regarded as good.
The house is a LOT smaller than what we have now and we would have to get rid of quite a lot of stuff (not necessarily a bad thing).

I don't expect any problems selling our current house since it is in a very good part of the city and the neighborhood is extremely desired. Our type of house doesn't come on the market very often and when they do, they are snapped up almost immediately. Also getting a mortgage would not be a problem for us.

Here is my dilemma.
My DH isn't really dead set AGAINST the idea but he isn't jumping for joy either.

The thing is - everything for the kids is nearby plus all of our amenities (very good and trusted medical facilities) are here too and even though it isn't too far to the 'new' house it is a bit further for the kids to bike/travel to work/school etc.

We have great friends here in the neighborhood (just drop by and have drinks/snacks at each others houses etc. KWIM) and we would lose that. DH swims with a neighbor twice a week and has made a lot of good friends here over the years as have I.

The advantages - a LOT of the amenities (for me) - grocery and other shopping/new - unknown - dr. and medical facilities/ public transport etc,. are all very nearby, walking distance.
The house would be a lot easier to keep up.
We could pay off all current mortgage debt and have a monthly payment for this 'new' house which would be less than a third of what we pay now.
If we bought the 'new' house and sold the current house we could pay down a HUGE part of the 'new' mortgage and also have more than enough left over to have the house done up exactly how we like it.

The kids that we have at home are 18, 20, 21 and possibly another one (23) will be moving back home. The 21 year old wants to move out soon anyway and there would be no problem regarding space having 3 kids at the new house. The only disadvantage with the new house is that it only has one bathroom and the current house has two. I don't even have to ask the kids what they think/want - they would be really against the move but I wonder, how much influence should we let them have as they will probably be moving out within a couple of years anyway.

The 18 year old goes to university near our current home, the 20 year old is finished college and his work is almost around the corner from the current house.

DH says that I am idealizing everything because his parents used to live in the new neighborhood and I lived with them for 6 months and I LOVED the house/neighborhood and everything about the house too.

I would really appreciate your thoughts?

**Lora88** · 02-19-2009, 07:55 AM

I would stay where you are I think you are letting sentiment influence your decesion one bathroom is a hardship with these many people If the money is the issue then perhaps you should consider moving if not I would stay where you are. everything always looks better in hindsight but I have learned the hard way you cant go home anymore

**perSue** · 02-19-2009, 08:06 AM

Has the neighbourhood been on a downward spiral? Meaning, since it's not as good as you say it used to be, what's made it change?

Is it cost effective to sell your house?
If your dh isnt really into the idea, ask him why... he may see or know something that you may not.

Are 'the advantages' of living where you are currently? If so, why move?
If all your friends are there, you enjoy your current living situation - things nearby in walking distance, friends close enough to visit more than once weekly, it's a good neighbourhood...

why the feel of need for change?

If it's truly a downsizing you want... why not just go room by room & do a purge?

Or is it something nostalgic you're seeking?

Sorry, I'm not much help... but perhaps there's a deeper reason for wanting to move from such an ideal spot.

**Lady_V** · 02-19-2009, 08:18 AM

The neighborhood isn't as good as it used to be but is still regarded as good.

Will your auto insurance go higher because of the location? You live in the 'better' neighborhood now... and how many times did someone break in to your car?

The house is a LOT smaller than what we have now and we would have to get rid of quite a lot of stuff (not necessarily a bad thing).

No, not always a bad thing... but will you have to build on to the house in order for it to suit your needs? Is the kitchen big enough for your cooking habits?

I don't expect any problems selling our current house since it is in a very good part of the city and the neighborhood is extremely desired. Our type of house doesn't come on the market very often and when they do, they are snapped up almost immediately. Also getting a mortgage would not be a problem for us.

Can you float two mortgages in the event your current home doesn't sell as quickly as you would like? What would happen if you sold your current home and the desired home was suddenly pulled off the market?

The only disadvantage with the new house is that it only has one bathroom and the current house has two.

So try it... lock off one bathroom for a week. No sneaking in to it when someone is in the other one. If you bought this house, there wouldn't BE a second bathroom.

I don't even have to ask the kids what they think/want - they would be really against the move but I wonder, how much influence should we let them have as they will probably be moving out within a couple of years anyway.

It's great that you would want them to be happy... but they are all at or above the of the age of University. You are not wanting to move to Mexico and asking them what they think, same country, same area, different street. Their lives will go on as before, give or take an additional 15 minutes of travel.
As you said, there will come a time when THEY will move away to wherever they want to be and you and your DH may have an opinion as to where they want to relocate, but in the end, they will do what is financially and emotionally best for them.

DH says that I am idealizing everything because his parents used to live in the new neighborhood and I lived with them for 6 months and I LOVED the house/neighborhood and everything about the house too.

Are you? Is it the smaller house you want? The lower mortgage? The neighborhood? The memories?
If that same house was located somewhere else, would you still want it?
If a house the same size was available in your current neighborhood, would you sell yours?
If a different house at the same costs were available in the new neighborhood, would you still want to live there?

**Siebrie** · 02-19-2009, 08:23 AM

Hi Dutchie,

Your children may be on the verge of moving out, but soon they will have partners and come back for weekends. Especially with 5 children, you will need the bigger house. And what if the grandkids want to come and stay?

If housework is getting hard, you can either hire someone to do it, or get dh and the children more involved.

**Dutchie** · 02-19-2009, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by perSue

Has the neighbourhood been on a downward spiral? Meaning, since it's not as good as you say it used to be, what's made it change?

Is it cost effective to sell your house?
If your dh isnt really into the idea, ask him why... he may see or know something that you may not.

Are 'the advantages' of living where you are currently? If so, why move?
If all your friends are there, you enjoy your current living situation - things nearby in walking distance, friends close enough to visit more than once weekly, it's a good neighbourhood...

why the feel of need for change?

If it's truly a downsizing you want... why not just go room by room & do a purge?

Or is it something nostalgic you're seeking?

Sorry, I'm not much help... but perhaps there's a deeper reason for wanting to move from such an ideal spot.

The 'new' neighborhood changed because it used to be a renting only neighborhood and therefore a lot of temporary renters came in. These were mostly expats on temporary contracts. When my parents in law lived there, the affects of the temporary renters didn't really make a mark till years later.
Also the ownership of the neighborhood changed and therefore also the maintenance.
Now the houses that come empty are being sold.

We would make - even in this economic downturn - a good profit by selling this house.

Good idea to ask DH why exactly he isn't really enthusiastic - I will do this.

I have always been restless and every few years we have moved house (definitely not all to do with me - DH is very like me in this respect).
When we moved here 16 years ago, we had been married 16 years. In those first 16 years we moved 5 times.
Maybe that has something to do with it - we have never been anywhere for this length of time.

I think that you have nailed it though - I have to admit that nostalgia is playing a HUGE part in this. I think that I am looking for something simpler/a simpler life maybe. When I lived there it was the 70's and was a perfect time for me. Maybe I should just get an appointment for a therapist - would be cheaper than moving LOL.

Thanks for your thoughts and advice. I really appreciate them.
You have given me a LOT to think about - especially about my reasons for wanting to move.
Thanks again.