I have a question about teenagers

**pop goes the weasel** · 02-24-2009, 07:12 AM

Why do they think that parents are idiots? Sd came to us last night at 9:15 saying she needed a white hooded sweatshirt for her one class today. Now keep in mind we live at least an hour from any 24 hour store that would maybe sell these. She has been told before that you can't wait til the last minute when you need something for school. I asked her when she knew she needed it......Begining of January. Mmmmm let's see that was almost 2 months ago. Nothing like not waiting til the last minute. so this morning I told her that I may not be able to find her a white one and I wasn't paying 40 bucks for a school logo hood. Funny she went up and got a t -shirt to use. Seems that they can use those too. I don't want to sound mean but right now I am unemployed and m dh is partially unemployed so we haven't got extra money for stuff that is not a nescessity. If she would have said something when she found out about it there wouldn't have been a problem but now you can't even find sweaters let alone hoods around here. Thanks I feel better now

**thesightofoneself** · 02-24-2009, 07:24 AM

call me a teenage idiot but i dont understand the beginning statement of how teenagers think parents are idiots?

**JerryG** · 02-24-2009, 07:58 AM

That's almost as good as the "science project is due tomorrow" and is in fact par with the "field trip tomorrow and you are supposed to be a chaperone!"

I don't think teens think adults are idiots but I know sometimes I wondered how in the world that / my teen was going to grow up and be self sufficient.

**NewLeaf** · 02-24-2009, 08:01 AM

I have a 13 yr. old son. He is a really cool kid, and yes he thinks he knows more and better than me. And you know what? He does know more about the "new" things like computers, new music, video games and what's going on w/his friends. He is scatter brained about things like not letting me know until the last minute, but he knows that I can only do so much and that he needs to take responsibility too. Teens are in a learning curve.... We talk ALOT. I listen to his p.o.v. and he sometimes (I think) is listening to mine. I am really interested in his life and I just have to hope he will realize that my life experience could help him from time to time.
He lost his IPOD recently and I can't afford to just go out and get him a new one. I was really surprised that he didn't ask me to. He is really growing up.....

**Milly** · 02-24-2009, 08:12 AM

They don't think we're idiots, they simply don't think of us at all. Parents are background noise, to be largely ignored until they need something.

I read somewhere that the frontal lobes - the part of the brain involved with judgement and forethought - is not completely developed until the age of 25, so they really can't help it. Just keep on doing what you do (and you did the right thing by not caving) and they eventually grow up.

My DD laughs about it now, from her advanced age of 28, and wonders how her dad and I managed to keep from killing her. I replied that we'd certainly thought about it, but didn't want to spend the rest of our lives in jail. Of course, if we'd had a jury made up of parents of teenagers, we might have gotten off . . . .

**mombottoo** · 02-24-2009, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by Milly

They don't think we're idiots, they simply don't think of us at all. Parents are background noise, to be largely ignored until they need something.

I read somewhere that the frontal lobes - the part of the brain involved with judgement and forethought - is not completely developed until the age of 25, so they really can't help it. Just keep on doing what you do (and you did the right thing by not caving) and they eventually grow up.

My DD laughs about it now, from her advanced age of 28, and wonders how her dad and I managed to keep from killing her. I replied that we'd certainly thought about it, but didn't want to spend the rest of our lives in jail. Of course, if we'd had a jury made up of parents of teenagers, we might have gotten off . . . .

What she said and in males it takes even longer for the frontal lobes to kick in. Which is why my youngest son feels like he's stuck in teenager mode...his frontal lobes were severely damaged in the car accident when he was 17...leaves little room for good judgement or the ability to think things through ahead of time.

**Milly** · 02-24-2009, 08:58 AM

Originally Posted by mombottoo

What she said and in males it takes even longer for the frontal lobes to kick in. Which is why my youngest son feels like he's stuck in teenager mode...his frontal lobes were severely damaged in the car accident when he was 17...leaves little room for good judgement or the ability to think things through ahead of time.

That's a shame, Mom. Teen-age boys can be quite charming, though. Wishing him and you the best.

**nvmommyx6** · 02-24-2009, 09:00 AM

Teenagers do go through a "I know more than them" stage!!
Example~
Last summer we were stacking 150 pound hay bales, I've been bucking hay for close to 20 years and I was explaining to the kids how to stack it and why. So, by the last 10 bales my 15 year old son decided he knew how to buck and stack better than I did, had you been there you probably would have wondered if he were a professional drill Sargent for the united stated marines the way he was barking orders around!!
So, after lighting me up about how "wrong" my idea of stacking hay was (and 4 ton later!!) I explained to him, "alright, you go right ahead and do it your way" Seems lifting the bales by himself and his stacks falling over taught him ultimately that "his way" was not better and he did not know what he was doing!!!

I think what the OP was trying to express is that no matter how much experience we have at things, there comes a time (many) in teenage years where they think they know how to do things better than their parents do and when those situations arise their actions and the things they say sometimes make one feel like a complete idiot!
Teenagers have a desire to be assertive (most of them that I have raised and experienced) and that is specifically when they are trying to perfect their assertiveness! They just don't have it right yet, I honestly don't think we perfect that until we become parents!!

**Momto2Boyz** · 02-24-2009, 09:04 AM

I thought I knew more than my parents at that age. I guess the lack of life experience at that point, you do everything spur of the moment and don't realize the real value of planning ahead!

I used to be a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal. It wasn't until I got older and had kids of my own, that I realized how much planning ahead is important!

She'll get there, eventually!

**jamie79** · 02-24-2009, 09:07 AM

Its the nature of the beast

**Milly** · 02-24-2009, 09:08 AM

Originally Posted by nvmommyx6

Teenagers have a desire to be assertive (most of them that I have raised and experienced) and that is specifically when they are trying to perfect their assertiveness! They just don't have it right yet, I honestly don't think we perfect that until we become parents!!

You may be on to something here.

My DD has two young DDs of her own and says "Every time I open my mouth around my kids, my mom comes out."

**Darlene** · 02-24-2009, 09:12 AM

It's just the nature of the beast. You will only see glimpses of the dear sweet child you remember until the boogie man decides he can't control them any longer and you get your child back. At least that's what I think happens. :crazy:

**McD** · 02-24-2009, 09:13 AM

I saw a quote recently that made me laugh... "By the time a man grows up enough to realize his father was right about somethings, his own son is already telling him how wrong he is."

**sabrelvssammy** · 02-24-2009, 09:48 AM

here's another one for you..."the only reason 'BOYS' get married is they are too old to live with their moms...."

don't worry your teenage boys will some day be some other poor woman's problem when he becomes her 'dh'....

**cheles2kids** · 02-24-2009, 10:10 AM

Think of it as when you were pregnant and you completely lost your memory or thought process (or am I the only one that experienced this?).

Teenagers at any given moment have about 100 thoughts running through their brains, and when in that instant that they think of something that they should have told us, that's when it comes out.

Sometimes, it's *before* the fact, but 99% of the time it's either a few hours before or the morning of said event.

My kids have now realized if they don't give me prior notice, well, then, stinks to be them.

This will hopefully be a good lesson for her, tell Mom before I need something & always have a back-up plan in place, in case I'm having an average teenage day & completely space & forget to tell her anything about it.

Aren't they wonderful!!!