thinking about myself

**perSue** · 03-03-2009, 02:25 PM

the dinner (manners/etiquette) i went to a couple weeks ago, someone mentioned that i assume no one will buy things for me, don't say i want anything and called me an idiot. i took no offense because it's true.

ppl ask me what i want for holidays and i say "nothing" with exactly THAT in mind. (again, i never had a bday, and all holidays were stopped when i was super young.)

so, i dont know what to ask for and want to get a list of things i _should_ ask for.

i dont go out or do anything fancy, so no need for clothes/jewelry.
i dont wear makeup or perfume.
i'd never attend a spa alone - and that's not a 'guy' thing. lol
i have most of the appliances, cookware, useful things i need.

i simply NEVER thought to stop and think what "I" should want... so i've never wanted anything above my needs taken care of.

I feel ungrateful and don't want to have a list of things i dont really want/need/use. I'm lost... but hoping to change, so i'm starting early. i'm hopeful. thanks!!!

**WV_mom_of2** · 03-03-2009, 02:32 PM

One thing I love to get is a subscription to a magazine. It's the gift that keeps giving all year long! I love getting one each month and thinking of the person who sent it to me.

How about a gift certificate to your favorite hair salon? Or for craft supplies that you would use?

Do you send out alot of greeting cards? You could ask for a basket of supplies like packs of cards, stamps, pretty pens and stickers, etc.

Do you scrapbook? You could ask for supplies.

Do you like to read? You could ask for a gift certificate to a bookstore or make a list of books you'd like for them to choose from.

How about movies? Do you like to rent them? You could get a g/c for that.

**amanjud** · 03-03-2009, 02:34 PM

I'm with you here too..
I don't like receiving gifts, it's just not my thing, it makes me very uncomfortable. I've got everything I need and if I do need something, I will go and get it..

That being said, at Christmas time when inlaws or my parents ask what I want, I usually let them know what we need for the household, like towels or some new pots and pans...something that will benefit everyone here, not just me. Most of the time they go with gift cards for groceries which is always appreciated.

I do need to think more of myself sometimes, I think maybe you do too!!

**IntlMom** · 03-03-2009, 02:39 PM

I have asked for:
gardening supplies
small green items. ([I got a handheld solar battery charger "thingy", which I love)
cds or itunes g/c
books
how about a watch?
how about something that you have, but you;d like a new one: tea kettle, bread pan.....
how about coffees or teas?

I'll think on this some more

**gizzymo** · 03-03-2009, 02:50 PM

I like gift cards from anywhere.

**Contrary Housewife** · 03-03-2009, 03:09 PM

Do you have a hobby? Do you sew or garden? You could ask for small things for that.

What about a favorite food? Tea? Cookies? Chocolates? I like food gifts because they are easy to use up.

Toiletries and care items -- things like fancy soap, bubble bath or hand cream are more gifts that are useful and can be 'used up' and not left to sit around gathering dust.

You don't need to go anywhere fancy to wear jewelry. Don't you like to put on a pretty necklace or pair of earrings to make yourself feel good? It doesn't have to be fancy jewelry, either. A sparkly pair of rhinestone earrings can be just as pretty as expensive gemstones.

Books and music -- make a list of authors or musicians you enjoy, and titles you don't have. If it is a short list, explore Amazon.com for "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought" links for a title you recently enjoyed.

Clothing, again you don't have to go out to enjoy this. Let someone give you a nice soft sweater to wear at home, or a silky nightgown or a plush robe to pamper yourself with.

Finally, you might really enjoy receiving the gift of someone's time. Ask them to join you for a leisurely lunch or dinner, an afternoon in the park or at the beach, go to a movie together and have coffee after and discuss it. I think friendship shared is more valuable than "things", and sometimes in very short supply.

**perSue** · 03-03-2009, 03:14 PM

so far i like the options i'm given... i've added a few to a list i'm making already.

i did want to respond with the hobby thing... most of the ppl who get me something are guys or have NO clue (same thing? lol) about what to get... so i put a hobby under "GC"... "I" can get what I need w/out someone who doesnt know about it getting something i dont want/need.

As for the "Gift of Time" it sounds nice... but NO ONE would ever do it in my family.

My "standard" gift i ask ppl for (ie, inlaws, etc) are a candle or a small giftcard to walmart or someplace like that (where i can get food or house stuff).

Keep the ideas coming PLEASE!!!

**IntlMom** · 03-03-2009, 03:16 PM

perSue, how about telling us what you do enjoy doing....that would help us to help you better!!

**Momto2Boyz** · 03-03-2009, 03:17 PM

I'm much the same as you. So, I've started keeping a list of things on the side of my fridge where no one can see it. And when I think of something I would like (but would never buy for myself), I put it on the list. Then when Christmas & birthday roll around, I have a list, so I'm not caught off guard with the question!

My family hates buying for me, becuase I am way too practical! This past year for Christmas I asked for dish towels. The year before, I asked for cookie sheets and bath towels.

Hey, all my old ones were about done for, so I thought it was a good practical gift that I wanted and/or needed!

**mombottoo** · 03-03-2009, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by perSue

the dinner (manners/etiquette) i went to a couple weeks ago, someone mentioned that i assume no one will buy things for me, don't say i want anything and called me an idiot. i took no offense because it's true.

i simply NEVER thought to stop and think what "I" should want... so i've never wanted anything above my needs taken care of.

I feel ungrateful and don't want to have a list of things i dont really want/need/use. I'm lost... but hoping to change, so i'm starting early. i'm hopeful. thanks!!!

Okay, first off why in the world do you allow people to get away with calling you an "idiot" and then state you take no offense because it is "true"? I don't know what kind of people you are friends with or related to, but I can tell you that if anybody and believe me I do mean "anybody" ever called me an idiot they would get it with both barrels and I wouldn't give a rats behind where we were.

Seriously, have you considered counseling? I have read many of your posts and you sound like you may have some real serious self esteem issues that need to be worked on. Not only for your physical well being, but for your peace of mind as well. Nobody deserves to be treated the way you allow people to treat you. Maybe you could take some assertiveness training and learn how to stand up for yourself.

Next time someone asks you want you want tell them you need tuition for an assertiveness training class.

**Dancing Lotus** · 03-03-2009, 03:29 PM

"and called me an idiot. i took no offense because it's true."

Okay I know this isn't what you want to talk about but hold on, wait a minute! Someone who you were dinning with called you an idiot? And you took no offense? I assume, that no one jumped to your defense. Why is your family allowing anyone to call you an idiot? And why on earth would you think it is true?
I do not think you are an idiot at all, and I think lots of people are idiots. LOL
Oh my dear friend I have never wanted to hug you more.. You need someone to hug you.

Now on to the list:

When you can't think of anything to ask for because you need it , it's time to ask for what you don't need.. Ask for something just to make you feel good. Have you ever admired a set of expensive sheets? Ask for a luxury pillow. I got one once, did I need it NO. But I did sleep like a princess on it.

I suspect the real reason you don't ask for anything is because you feel like you don't deserve anything. Well honey , happiness won't come to you. You have to grab it and own it! Shame on your parents for what they have done to you. Can I be your mom? I spoil.

**savvymom** · 03-03-2009, 03:50 PM

If you are interested in learning a new skill or hobby, perhaps you could ask for a gift card to attend a class at your local craft store or Community College. Some of mine would be cake decorating, knitting, sewing, web design. Maybe I'm weird on that though, I think I'm a career student in some ways.

Perhaps you'd like to join a book club or enjoy a lunch with a friend, ask for a gift card to a restaurant or diner.

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF - YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! If someone has to belittle you because you can't think of something for them to buy you as a gift, then they have issues. They need to use their imagination or maybe they need to take the time to get to know you better! I know it can be hard to think of something you want (not need) but I have to hope those asking you to think of something want to get you a gift because they care.

Good luck, and keep telling yourself you are worth it!

**angelbumpkin** · 03-03-2009, 03:55 PM

Never allow anyone to call you names. No one is stupid. Every single person even the most serverly handicapped have some potiental of learning. You must not allow people to degrade you ever.

As for your list....
Gift Cards to places for things you will use.
Wether is be scrapebook material if you scrapebook, bookstore if you, or nice towels or even a robe.

**perSue** · 03-03-2009, 03:57 PM

ok my list so far:

dish cloths/towels (i can always use these and not picky about design)
candles
dove brand body wash (i buy for myself, but i guess it's ok??)
a couple plants i want
GC's (joann's or grocery)
magazine subscription (great idea! now i gotta find some i like)
specialty tea (i buy myself, but could add to a list)
a new broom
nailpolish (i buy this rarely, picky on colours, maybe i'll omit)

Hobbies
as someone asked for this...
sewing, crochet/knit... that's it really. i make things as gifts (none my guys want tho), for charity, sometimes for me.
and that's all.

**ritabelle** · 03-03-2009, 04:05 PM

I always have a hard time thinking of things when someone asks as well, so what I've started to do is put those things that I notice wanting throughout the year on an amazon wishlist. That way when someone asks I can fire up the computer and tell them ... well, I'd like a .... usually my wants tend to follow theme lines, so if they don't want an exact thing to get I can say a book about this, or this type of thing, and for the clueless I can give titles, authors and web links as needed. lol.

Of course, anyone that gets me a gift card to the yarn store or massage parlor is my favorite for the season.