My new Vietnamese dorm mate…

**deadsmirk** · 03-04-2009, 12:33 AM

Each dorm has five rooms, two bathrooms, a common kitchen, living room and dining room. Each student pays for their own room.

I just got a new roommate at my dorm who is Vietnamese and I am seriously confused at what’s going on.

She refuses to look at my eyes and tells me where she’s going when she leaves the apartment. Twenty minutes ago she gave me two oranges and said good night. She keeps bowing.

I’m an Indian. In my tribe, when you give someone oranges you have to reciprocate with something of equal value. Not lesser because that’s rude, and greater is uppity.

Boyfriend sitting next to me says “a good gesture”.

Me thinks I give her something in return. I don’t have any fruit right now though. I have lots of candy…

Do i give her something?
Why is she not looking into my eyes?
Keep bowing?
Telling me where she is going?

**pollypurebred39** · 03-04-2009, 01:13 AM

Maybe this will help ??? I'm sure it's cultural thing.

http://www.militaryliving.com/vietnam2/index.html

http://www.militaryliving.com/vietnam2/vietnamch6.htm

**latierra84** · 03-04-2009, 01:35 AM

I think it is considered rude to look someone in the eye (in their culture)

**Thevail** · 03-04-2009, 03:03 AM

In many cultures looking directly into someone's eyes is considered an act of intimacy..not he sexy kind..the we're really good friends or family kind of intimacy.

So doing that to someone you barely know is not exactly rude..but kinda wierd. Like somebody you met once at a party giving you a big old hug and kiss on the cheek in the grocery store.

But she obviously likes you or she probably wouldn't have given you something. I'd just give her some small food item, go for something American to the core..I suggest..a burger!

**mamamia** · 03-04-2009, 04:07 AM

How nice is that! To me it seems like she's using her 'best' manners, and trying to make a good impression on you.

Sounds like you got yourself a very sweet room-mate there

I'm sure you'll figure out all the cultural differences and will have alot of intersting conversations. Enjoy it!

Theresa

**Lady_V** · 03-04-2009, 09:12 AM

I remember learning about different cultures as I was preparing for my trip to Cambodia.

Oranges (and kumquats) are symbols of success and good fortune. Maybe she was wishing you well... or maybe she just thinks you need some vitamin C

Either way, maybe you can share something with her.

Went back and re-read what you said... Bowing and not looking you in the eyes is actually a sign of respect, especially if she is from a rural area. I don't think she is trying to be evasive.

**cheles2kids** · 03-04-2009, 09:56 AM

It definately sounds to me like it's a respect thing for her.

You are her 'roommate' but since you are living in the same room, she looks to you as more than a friend, more along the lines of a family member.

The oranges? She's just being nice.
Giving a gift in return would be a great thing for you to do, I think candy would be a good gift.

Also the bowing?
Also a show of respect. It sounds to me like you've got one of those 'one in a million' roommates.
She thinks highly of you, respects you and wants to get along.

**frugal.lass** · 03-04-2009, 10:35 AM

It sounds like its just a bunch of cultural differences coming together in your dorm suite. Reading up on Vietnamese culture might help you understand her a bit better. As for her not saying anything, it might be a language thing. I'm assuming she speaks english if she is attending your university but it might still be a shock for her to have to use it all the time. I'm bilingual (English/French) but I do sometimes get shy about my French and will become quiet when meeting friends of friends who only speak French.

Give her a bit of time and I'm sure things will go along fine!!!

**deadsmirk** · 03-04-2009, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by frugal.lass

As for her not saying anything, it might be a language thing.

I never said she didn't talk.

I said that she tells me where she is going, and that is weird.

**mzpepper** · 03-04-2009, 03:40 PM

I said that she tells me where she is going, and that is weird.[/QUOTE]

Just a thought but maybe this was taught as a safety issue in her family. Whenever I first left home I was very uncomfortable that NOBODY knew where I was. It had so been drilled into me by my very protective mother that someone should know where you are and when to expect you back that it took me a while to get over this. Weird? Maybe just another little family quirk that she will get over in time.

**monkeywrangler71** · 03-04-2009, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by deadsmirk

I said that she tells me where she is going, and that is weird.

I don't find that the slightest bit weird.

**fuzzybunny** · 03-04-2009, 04:03 PM

Telling you where she is going is another respect thing. In Asian cultures American style independence is generally frowned upon and privacy is not considered as important, generally speaking. Your business is everyone else's business.

Christine