gift giving w/out "looking" frugal

**perSue** · 03-08-2009, 05:24 PM

so i come to find out some of the gifts i worked hard on to personalize for the past holidays weren't exactly liked. that's ok.
i dont expect everyone to love everything. but to find out i was joked about for hours because i "MADE" something rather than bought something... "even a GC would've been nicer than homemade cappuccino in a USED jar!" (it was clean, the capp. mix was something they even asked for... but this isnt the issue.)

i know i can't please everyone. and yes, certain ppl are on the GC only list now.

but rather than complain about extended family - what ways do you have of making some gifts look LESS frugal? (for those who aren't always open to the idea.)

TIA

**Debbie-cat** · 03-08-2009, 05:31 PM

Okay persue, for one...if I received a comment like that when I gave the gift...that person would not recieve another gift from me. Even if it was family....I would just say "you didn't like my gift even though I put alot of time and effort into it so I figure I might as well not bother". Everyone who I make homemade gifts for LOVE them. They don't want a store bought gift. If a person only wants a store bought gift then they don't care about the person giving it... they just want the material item. Don't waste your time and energy on anyone who will not appreciate all that you do to give them a gift. They aren't worth it. Can I have their homemade gifts next Christmas!?.... please.

**Marie78** · 03-08-2009, 05:32 PM

I'm sorry that your gifts were received so poorly. I can't think of anyone in my family or friends network that appreciates frugality though (especially in gift form). I do, and I love when someone takes the time to make me something. My step-grandma knitted me a nice throw blanket one holiday and I use it all the time.

I have found baked goods go over well. I make holiday cookie plates and then attach a gift card to the top for relatives that are hard to shop for. I make brownies or cupcakes for family on their birthday, but I also purchase something I know they would like, because I know the baked goods in my circle would not be "enough." It's a shame that a gift can't be appreciated because you appreciate the person who gave it to you.

**Wendy99** · 03-08-2009, 05:49 PM

people like that should watch the little house on the prairie christmas episode where they hardly got a thing, yet were so very happy ... you can learn a lot from that show .. i know i have!! I would love to live in the day were simple gifts was all there was .... i think what you did was wonderful and i agree with debbie-cat take them off your list for next year

**perSue** · 03-08-2009, 05:59 PM

LOL @ little house on the prairie
i'm not laughing at you - i'm laughing because i get called "little house prairie girl" (or something like that) because I do so many frugal things (make my own cleaners, cook from scratch, MAKE gifts, clothes, etc).

it's more of an obligation gift giving to family. they get us things (stuff i dont usually want but have to show appreciation for "look how much money you spent!") and we are to get them things.

i guess it's a different mentality. there's one family member who enjoys and really loved the hm capp. mix i gave her (along w/a few other handmade things). the rest just think i'm nuts.

i get called grandma, cheapskate, old lady, little homemaker girl...
i just didnt know it cuz (almost) no one ever said it to my face.
what hurt the most was finding out this person threw away the jar of mix i made for her. I spent extra time w/ putting more chocolate in it for her and some dried marshmallow and other "sweet" things - and put the recipe on a pretty card i made.

It's just not worth making gifts anymore for ANYone. heck, i've run my limit of what my guys will want/use/like already (in 2 yrs!).

**Debbie-cat** · 03-08-2009, 06:13 PM

One thing you could do if they want a gift and you feel obligated to get them something..... a DVD of Little House on the Prairie Christmas Special or the Walton's Christmas Special.....then maybe they will appreciate what you make them..... or better yet. In November send them a card and state.....'due to the economic crisis, we have decided not to exchange gifts this year.' They might appreciate not having to buy you something too. Then the problem is solved. I have a sister-in-law like this. BUT I don't care if she likes my gifts or not. She always says she does but I don't think so. Anyway, I continue to give her homemade things and I can be happy in the fact that I don't have her credit card bills, mortgage payments, car and truck payments, boat payments, HELOC payments. I am the smarter one I think.

**Judi Dial** · 03-08-2009, 06:18 PM

Hmm. My rich sister got so bad this way she started giving us a shopping list. My SIL said, "Nope! I am NOT doing that." So what the SIL started was a new family "rule."

We only give consumable gifts. Some are home made, some are purchased, but if we can't use it up? It's a no-no. That stopped the $ value comparison and lack of appreciation here, maybe that would work in your situation?

Also, re giving home made stuff, try buying some new Mason jars and not recycling the container at least. Many folks might like the home made contents but with a reused jar their "ewww" factor kicks in.

Beyond all this, I agree with Debbie-cat too, just don't give them anything and make sure to tell them that if they don't want what you're comfortable giving, then they shouldn't give you anything either. In the case of my competitive, the appearance of money is everything, sister, eventually, it got to where she actually had to spend REAL money, and so we stopped exchanging gifts. (I'm pretty sure that was my SIL's object all along!)

IHTH!

Judi

**Grainlady** · 03-08-2009, 06:26 PM

Our society is so out-of-control when it comes to gifts it's taken the fun out of giving. I have a friend who spends nearly as much for the gift wrap as the gifts in them!

I no longer include "GIFT SNOBS" on my gift-giving list. I don't need the migraine headache and stress. The immediate family has a $10 gift limit for Christmas and we re-use bags, bows and ribbons - and are proud of our collection of homemade gift bags (cloth and paper) that get circulated in our family. Some of the cloth bags have been used and reused for years.

**mauimagic** · 03-08-2009, 06:33 PM

Gift giving and receiving can be an emotional issue. Persue when I first read your message, I felt my hackles rise and a "how rude of them" retort came to my mind. Some people are just not gracious. How sad for them. I know that my feelings would be hurt - how is it they never got the message of 'look what someone took the time to create for you'?

I know I would be tempted to do something like not give them anything - but in the end I would cave in.

Options -
just give them a gift card

give a donation to charity in their name since you know that in these trying times, they would want to support others.

continue giving what you want to with your head held high because you are the one with the kind heart and generous nature.

Life is not a contest - stay true to yourself!!

**gizzymo** · 03-08-2009, 06:40 PM

Some people have no respect for the feelings of others. I would rather have 1 little cookie that I could eat rather than having an expensive gift I'll never have a use for.

**CrazyCat** · 03-08-2009, 06:43 PM

First of all...do you exchange gifts in front of everyone?

If so....I would deliverately not get this person something..and when it came time to exchange bring up the fact that since she 'threw' out last years gift (which showed she had no consideration for anyone)~you realized that you didn't have to waste your precious time making something for her..and make it for someone who would appreciate it.

How rude. Nothing gets my goat more than grown people making fun of other people.

**sabrelvssammy** · 03-08-2009, 06:43 PM

ugh! why are we even having to have this discussion???? does noone even remember the real reason we gave gifts to begin with...it was SUPPOSED to be something we gave to another from our heart....that's why it was called a G*I*F*T !!!.....why can we no longer make something for someone that we took OUR own time to think about, impliment, craft, whatever....instead...if we don't go to the store and get something made in china...wrap it up in paper that costs more in resources than it will ever be worth...add a card...(another waste)....then that is supposed to show how much we care about another person ???? I DON'T THINK SO>>>>>>

you know what.....our society has gone completely wacked ....

**Lady_V** · 03-08-2009, 07:34 PM

Okay -- I already said what I feel about people like this in another post of yours...

So... to slide things around a little...

They wanted cappuccino mix... they got it, in a *gasp* previously used jar - even though they got exactly what they wanted, they still had something to say.

Do you think giving them a GC will be better? They will just complain that it wasn't enough money.

They are going to say something about you all the same, that's THEIR problem, not yours.

**jayneluvsmickey** · 03-08-2009, 07:35 PM

i am blessed in that both my family and dh's family enjoys giving and receiving any kind of gift

i have two gifts purchased for christmas so far

one is a brand new stamp set

one is a laquered plate with a japanese painting

i paid $3.50 for both by purchasing them on a trade board

i also got a sterling silver, new, bracelet with dolphins that had the tag and was originally $25 from that trader

i went yard sailing yesterday

a matching set of flower pictures...nice...paid $2 and the kohl's tags were on the back and they were originally $14.99 each

i'm keeping those and the other things i bought yesterday, but i do use these kinds of avenues for nice gifts for next to nothing

another thing...try the "antique" store

i bought my son a machine that deals cards (he likes to play cards) and it was $4

i know he appreciated that it was personal and unique to him

he doesn't know it was $4

gift giving should NOT be an obligation and let go of the false guilt

i did in two ways this past christmas:

1) i did not participate in the gift exchange at the work christmas party

2) my family said no gifts, i stuck to it even though they didn't

don't let other people ruin your passion for blessing people with something you created specifically for them

**sabrelvssammy** · 03-08-2009, 07:45 PM

ok persue...here's what i think you should do.... i know that you won't confront the people who are mean to you...and that's okay... don't lower yourself to their standards..... and i know you don't have a huge present budget either...so i suggest you start saving a dollar or two here and there and put them away.... then when the time comes buy a pretty bottle of lotion or something 'girly'...(because the recipient of this gift is obviously very 'into' herself by her talk and actions) and she will appreciate something for 'herself'..... just start planning ahead coz you know that the time will come again and she will need to be 'presented' with a gift....and she will have 'nothing' to talk about this time....it doesn't have to be anything super fancy or expensive....just make sure the bottle 'looks' all fancy coz that is a need she must have fulfilled to be happy.....so you have plenty of time...just start watching around for something and grab it when you see it.....and in the meantime...don't worry about her and the others....they are the one's with the problem....i think you are great just the way you are....don't change a thing coz there are people out there that still do appreciate you for you.....