Im so upset, what else can I do?

**Dancing Lotus** · 03-18-2009, 10:45 AM

I have an on-line friend whom I speak to daily. Yesterday I said something that she misunderstood the context of which it was meant to be taken. We joke frequently and that's somewhat the nature of our relationship. I sent her an apology and an explanation. She didn't respond, and yes I know she read it. Today she sent me a response via IM basically telling me I hurt her, and she is never going to ask me anything again! WTH? Again I responded to her taking full responsibility with an apology. She then "hung up" on me..

I feel this entire thing is really petty and just want to move on from it, but it bothers me that she thinks I hurt her.

Oh and just so you know, this all started because she asked me what kind of glue I used on a project and I told her I wasn't going to tell because it's a trade secret and she told my last secret. I was only kidding and if she wouldn't have hung up I was just about to tell her what kind of glue it was.

This feels so third grade to me , and I just want to move on and get my friend to talk to me again. What else can I say to her?

**thesightofoneself** · 03-18-2009, 10:49 AM

if she did in fact tell your last secret she might still feel guilty about it

**2ndGenGranola** · 03-18-2009, 10:51 AM

If you joke like that all the time and she choose this time to be hurt, IMO the ball is really in her court.

Chances are there is something else going on in her life that she may/may not tell you and this may have been a little to close to the situation at hand and just set off an explosion.

There is nothing you can do to make her better until she wants to be. I'd back off for a while.

**Michelle** · 03-18-2009, 10:58 AM

Did she give away a secret in the past? I'd say that if she did, and she feels bad about it now, that it's probably not something you should joke about with her. It may have come across as a "dig" with the way online communication is.

You sound angry to me. What did you say in your apology?

**Dancing Lotus** · 03-18-2009, 11:05 AM

NO I am not angry.

She never gave away any secret so I dont' see how this could be a dig.

Here is what I said to her.

Oh no, I appears that there has been a misunderstanding. I am sorry you were hurt, that was never my intention. You are right, I never told you not to tell anyone. I was teasing you. I don't mind telling you how I make things, you can ask anytime you want. In fact I was going to give the directions to you as soon as I was sure I was using the right glue. Please accept my apology. Can you forgive me?

Then she hung up on me? I really don't see what I said wrong?

**wimedtypr** · 03-18-2009, 11:09 AM

Well I think your friend is just having one of those days, you know when things are off and you are extra sensitive. I would not take it personally at all and just give it some time and she will come around and you BOTH will see the whole situation just as petty as it is. It shows you are compassionate that it really bothers you. Just give it some time.

**HomeschoolMom** · 03-18-2009, 11:10 AM

I don't see what you said wrong either. That is the trouble wtih online communication - so easy to misconstrue something.

I'd let her cool off for a few days and try again. Maybe something else is really stressing her out.

**Cricketlegs** · 03-18-2009, 11:10 AM

Hope ya'll work it out.

**Debbie-cat** · 03-18-2009, 11:12 AM

She will come around. Maybe she is just in a weird mood and come to realize she was being silly and forgive you. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

**TigerGirl1226** · 03-18-2009, 11:17 AM

I am 27 now and I have been doing chats and IMs since I was 15. I cannot count the times that something that I meant as sarcastic or funny came off as offensive to an online friend. Online relationships can be precarious. It's easy to cut someone off without having to "listen" to their explanation. I'd just give her time and not get worked up about it. You know it was a joke and that you've done nothing wrong, right? Either she'll come around or not, but that is beyond your control.

I hope it works out for you guys.

**thefrug** · 03-18-2009, 11:21 AM

give her a couple of days and then try again. and tell that again, you apologize if you said something that hurt her feelings, that you were only joking and that when SHE's ready, that you'll be there.
then just let run it's course. thats all you can do IMO. you've done everything you can.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 03-18-2009, 12:25 PM

I think a few days will pass and you guys may be able to talk things through even more than you've tried to already. I have friends that I talk to on Ventrilo, Facebook, etc that pretty much know how I am. Unless there's verbal communication, it's easy to misconstrue things.

Give her some time and let her approach you. I know it's hard but she has to be the one to give you the reason why she's so upset in the first place. Until then, just try to move on with things and leave the door open for her response later.

**Nishu** · 03-18-2009, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by thesightofoneself

if she did in fact tell your last secret she might still feel guilty about it

^^^ I agree.

I wouldn't apologize again. Just let it go until she decided she wants to talk to you again. You can only do so much to fix it and you've already gone above and beyond imo. To do any more would be to put more into it than this silly little problem is worth. (again... totally my opinion.)

**Momto2Boyz** · 03-18-2009, 01:38 PM

Maybe she is just having a bad day. Hopefully she'll come around. It's hard when your typing, becuase sometimes voice inflection is how you joke and it just doesn't translate in typing (I have that problem ALOT).

Give it some time and see what happens. Try not to beat yourself up about it!

**larabelle** · 03-18-2009, 02:06 PM

Originally Posted by 2ndGenGranola

Chances are there is something else going on in her life that she may/may not tell you and this may have been a little to close to the situation at hand and just set off an explosion.

There is nothing you can do to make her better until she wants to be. I'd back off for a while.

I agree if she is a true friend she will come around and this whole deal may not be about you at all.