How do you deal with "treating"?

**ml2620** · 03-20-2009, 11:53 AM

I've been working on the Dave Ramsey debt snowball plan for a while, and that means no unplanned expenses, and no unnecessary expenses. I'm happy with this, proud to be more frugal than I have been in the past.

I work in a busy office in the city where lots of lunch and food options are available. I'm asked out to lunch by a friend or colleague every day. Anyway, at least twice a week, someone says "Look, I'll treat, just come with us!" And one of those, I'll generally go.

I'm concerned I'm going to be the office pariah or charity case, that my boss will think I'm trying to act like I'm underpaid. How can I say no firmly and gracefully without bring up this issue of money or putting my colleagues (friends) in a "treating" position when I know I won't have the opportunity to repay them for a good long while?

**Spirit Deer** · 03-20-2009, 12:03 PM

Bring your lunch, and say you've already got lunch "See? Here it is!" Be sure to thank them for inviting you.

You do not need to explain or make excuses.

If you DO want to make an excuse, you could just say you have a hard time sticking to your dietary restrictions if you eat out. A lot of times people can understand and accept an allergy or other health issue better than they can understand a desire to save on money or calories. One issue that affects a lot of people is MSG (monosodium glutamate.) It's in everything and it seems like that would be a good excuse to give because you have no way of knowing if it's in any given dish in a restaurant. A lie is bad though because you might get caught in it some other time. Maybe you could just be vague and say something about food additives or something.

**mzpepper** · 03-20-2009, 12:49 PM

Only speaking for myself. Whenever I was working (and not in debt) and I offered to treat someone to lunch, it was just that. A treat. I never expected it to be paid back. Sometimes the pleasure of your company is more important than the price of the meal to your friends. Just a thought.

**Thevail** · 03-20-2009, 12:58 PM

On the other hand, you could decide to make a certain planned expense out of "treating" everyone at the office one day, by ordering pizza delivered.
(which is usually cheaper than lunching out at a restaurant)

That way you're not a "mooch" and the people there will know that you're not avoiding their company.

The biggest thing here is to make sure they don't think that you don't like them, because that can eventualy cause office conflict.

**Ceashels** · 03-20-2009, 03:46 PM

I agree that it is important not to distance yourself from your coworkers.

I say take your packed lunch and join the group. I've taken my lunches with me to eateries and even had waitresses offer to plate it up in the kitchen for me. They would rather serve 4 of 5 people than 0.

It may also be a way to reward your efforts by budgeting a lunchtime outing with your coworkers. Greebo and I budget for leisure activities as well as the necessities in our lives. We just hold ourselves accountable to the budget and to each other when we make our choices.

**mombottoo** · 03-20-2009, 04:07 PM

While I appreciate the position you are in I would budget a reasonable amount into your plans for lunch a couple of times a month. That way, you can socialize and pay your own way. But, that's just me since I tend to view money as a means to an end.

**frugalwarrior** · 03-20-2009, 04:18 PM

I bake and bring something in occasionally. I might offer to bring something I made in for that person when it is their turn. Also favors can be done occasionally. Do you have skills ex. jewelry making, get coffee,bring in special coffee, draw,etc. To me it doesn't have to be lunch for lunch. Maybe even lending something not too precious to you?

**lvngwell** · 03-20-2009, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by Thevail

On the other hand, you could decide to make a certain planned expense out of "treating" everyone at the office one day, by ordering pizza delivered.
(which is usually cheaper than lunching out at a restaurant)

How about bringing in a home made treat like cookies or banana bread they can enjoy at breakfast time or coffee break! You will be able to contribute to the spirit of giving and recieving without breaking the bank! You will send the message that you dont have an issue with sharing or treating people, just with the cost of it (which if they were honest with themselves they would agree is too high too!).

**elphie** · 03-20-2009, 05:10 PM

I'm agreeing with others that bringing in some homemade goodies will be a good way to show your appreciation for your coworkers. I am also a big fan of honesty within reason so, depending on how you think it would be received, you might share with your coworkers that living debt free is a priority for you and that means doing w/o eating out sometimes. It is a positive message for others to hear.

**dcompton** · 03-20-2009, 10:36 PM

I agree with Elphie. The truth is probably best. Just tell them it's not in the budget now, and bring your lunch consistently to reinforce it. With the economy the way it is, I think people across the board are becoming much more sensitized to these issues. However this may not stop the offers to treat.

I agree that something homemade would be a nice gesture if you know the people fairly well. I remember being astonished at a thread some time ago asking if we would eat food brought by co-workers and many said they would not. I guess I always assume the best of people, and take it as an act of faith that I am probably not going to be poisoned or die of some horrid disease from their kitchen. If so, you could accept the treat from the other and reciprocate, quickly, with your homemade one. In my books, homemade banana bread beats lunch out any day!

**mauimagic** · 03-21-2009, 03:03 AM

How about asking your coworkers to brown bag it on certain days and join you.

**NewLeaf** · 03-21-2009, 08:47 AM

When I worked a co-worker was on a strict budget. She planned a "picnic" lunch and everyone brought their own brown bag lunch. A nice way to get out and enjoy the sunshine. You could even plan a pot luck type lunch. People enjoy that sort of thing - it takes on a party tone.

**rainbowgc** · 03-21-2009, 11:54 AM

I agree with bringing in a home made treat once in a while. Shows you aren't cheap and everyone like homemade.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 03-21-2009, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by ml2620

I've been working on the Dave Ramsey debt snowball plan for a while, and that means no unplanned expenses, and no unnecessary expenses. I'm happy with this, proud to be more frugal than I have been in the past.

I work in a busy office in the city where lots of lunch and food options are available. I'm asked out to lunch by a friend or colleague every day. Anyway, at least twice a week, someone says "Look, I'll treat, just come with us!" And one of those, I'll generally go.

I'm concerned I'm going to be the office pariah or charity case, that my boss will think I'm trying to act like I'm underpaid. How can I say no firmly and gracefully without bring up this issue of money or putting my colleagues (friends) in a "treating" position when I know I won't have the opportunity to repay them for a good long while?

I don't think you really can because people will pry, pry and pry some more. When they notice it's one person in particular who keeps turning down lunch invitations and such, even when someone offers to treat, they're pretty inquisitive. I'd simply tell them that you appreciate the offer, but you'll have to pass because you're trying to save money and pay off your debts. In this economy, I'm sure they'll look at you with a sense of pride because they're proud of your desires to get out of debt.

**WV_mom_of2** · 03-22-2009, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by NewLeaf

When I worked a co-worker was on a strict budget. She planned a "picnic" lunch and everyone brought their own brown bag lunch. A nice way to get out and enjoy the sunshine. You could even plan a pot luck type lunch. People enjoy that sort of thing - it takes on a party tone.

I LOVE this idea! Especially the pot luck. Get everyone together and plan out the meal so that each person knows what to bring. Or just set a theme (Mexican, Italian, salads) and take what you get! And going outside if possible with brown bag lunches is awesome too!

I also love the idea of you taking in something homemade. You could just set it in the break room and let everyone help themselves!