Thought this was funny wanted to share!

**mom23boyz** · 03-30-2009, 10:50 PM

WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is
something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who
ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health
club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high
school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would
be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a
personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a
26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic
clothing and swim wear.

My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get
started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my
progress.

________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed,
but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health
club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a
Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling
white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I
enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his
aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although
my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time
he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it
out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a
heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My
legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the
full mil e. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I
feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the
toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth
over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.
Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.
I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my
screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little
too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds,
he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying..

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo
put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone
invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete
by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape
and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like
teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a
full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late -
it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was
not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some
skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine
-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being
has ever hated any other human being in the history of the
world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic
instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't
have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the
floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that
weighs more than a fkn sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health
and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone
softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his
grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up
today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the
machine with my hammer; however, I lacked the strength to
even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight
hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services
today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I
will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift
for me that is fun -- like a root canal or maybe a hysterectomy. I
still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have
sprinkled the floor with diamonds!

**mauimagic** · 03-30-2009, 11:01 PM

Oh Lord, laughing all that much hurts!! It took me four minutes to read this because I couldn't stop laughing. Mahalo plenty - I needed that exercise!!