Do You Share The Same Financial Vision?

[forHISglory]

Two people in a close relationship should ideally share the same vision, right? For example, a husband and wife should share a vision of family goals. Two sisters who share a room should share the same neatness expectations (yeah, right!). Two friends going on a vacation should share an idea of the destination.

What happens when a vision is not shared? Divorce? Miscommunication? Arguments? Silence? Was it ever shared in the first place? Did somewhere along the line, the vision change for one or both of you?

I was thinking about this concerning our retirement. Hubby and I shared a common financial vision of working hard, working 2 jobs if need be, saving like crazy, being frugal, carrying no debt, being tithers, and retiring early. And we did it all.

But then when we actually retired, it turned out that we had differing visions. Hubby's idea of retirement was to spend his time sleeping, working on hobbies, and ambling from one project to another and back again. He wanted no set schedule, no routine. He wanted nothing to do with his former job of teaching. My idea of retirement was to keep working! I didn't want to work a full time job; a part time once-a-week teaching job would do nicely. And I also wanted to sleep late and have time to work on hobbies. But I like a schedule and routine.

The pension Hubby gets is OK, and we are blessed to have one in this day and age. But it doesn't stretch as much as I like. I'm the one who pays the bills and I see how fast it trickles out. So I feel the need to have that part time job to boost the income. Hubby felt bad that I was the one who had a part time job, so he got one, too. His has grown to an everyday job now (only an hour or two a day, though). The difference is that I love my job, and he just tolerates his. So our vision has changed.

I'll probably keep my job as long as they will have me, or until SS kicks in. But I don't know if Hubby will keep his or not. It makes me a little anxious.

I was thinking about this concerning stockpiling. Part of my vision for financial security is to stockpile savings, stockpile food, stockpile household necessities. Hubby doesn't share that vision. He'd like me to loosen up on the savings and spend a little more. That gives me the financial heebie-jeebies! But he does share the food stockpile vision.

Do you and someone close (spouse, parent, sib, friend, child, etc.) share a financial vision? Has it always been the same vision? What happened when it began to shift and change?

[rowdy35]

my husband and I do not share our visions.

his motto is live for today for tomorrow might never come.

that doesn't work for me.

we still have learned to live with each other, i just accept him for what he is and he's learning to live with me making my own laundry detergent, working 2 jobs and stockpiling. he explains it to other people by saying "she's italian" lol. so it's ok with us we just learned to accept how different we truly are.

[kittykatstrong]

My Dh and I used to share the same vision which was live for the day. Now that we have kids I have become more frugal and am looking more toward the future then he.

I think it still works for us though, because I look toward the future and he is looking at today but we are still walking the same path holding hands.

[Nada.Leona]

My beloved doesn't like to plan ahead -- and I like to have plans for up to the next five years. He plans a lot of things in his head, and I like to externalize them and have them down on paper. It'll take a bit of work at a time. :S

[Cricketlegs]

When dh and I started out we were both young and stupid.

Now we are older and smarter.

I came up with the plan that pulled us from dumb to responsible. tweaked it, worked it, and perfected it and dh came along for the ride because he didn't really want to deal with it but he was okay with it(whatever it was lol as he didn't know).

Then as things started to happen around here and I kept him posted he became a PART of it and 100% supports what I am doing and stays with the plan with zero resistance.

He knows it is working, he likes it and HELPS me along the way such as when we went and did our taxes he said to use $600 to finish paying off the credit card and I could just decide to do with the last $700. He knows I will do something GOOD with the money or it will be savings. He doesn't say I want some money to blow or whatever.

He trusts me to do the right thing and I don't muck with trust.

You can get someone to follow you if you only give them a good path to follow.

[forHISglory]

I was thinking more about this topic and realized that trust is a vital factor. If one does not trust the other, the vision can never be shared. Hubby trusts me and knows that I will not spend on foolish things or temporary luxuries, etc. And I trust him, likewise. Without that trust, we would have never come as far as we have.

[frugalwarrior]

My husband and I are working on working together. A lot of our difference has come from how we were raised and it always has been.
My household was stable,my father always had a job,the same job
We always lived in the same house, money always came out for savings,then bills then food and IF there was anything left we played.

My husband moved about 19x,had 2 fathers,chaos reined,bills were paid inconsistantly,nothing stayed the same.

We were young when we married. He was impulsive,self oriented and created chaos if there was none. I was inflexable. Didn't do well with change and tried to mold him to my expectations.

24 years later we have finally started to work together but he still has huge problems with consistancy and long term planning. I am still too ready to get impatient when he says things like "But how do you know how much to pay on each bill? You see he doesn't understand I anticipated the bill and will pay it all.
The other day he said he'll probably never retire but he can't wait to travel. I don't want to travel and I have waited to spend more time with him,covering for him by doing everything at the house.

I hope that young couples are smarter now. That they know updating wishes,wants,desires is huge no matter how busy you are.

[Judi Dial]

No.

We use tolerance with each other, and sometimes it takes more patience than one of us has.

If I get started, I'll bitch. I've talked about our differences elsewhere here, and right now it would NOT be a good thing to do. We're getting along really well, better than we have for a long time, and I don't want to dig up discontent.

DH worries about the credit rating; I don't so much. I'd rather close accts altogether. (And THAT's all I 'm going to say!)

Judi

[craftypam]

My dh and I have always been on the same page financially, both of us frugal; he earns it and I manage it. As far as organizing and scheduling time I'm a mess and he is all the way the opposite spectrum. For his glory, I think it is impossible to always have exactly the same goals, because you are 2 different people. Is it possible to compromise about this, so you are both happy? I'm sure you've done this in some area of your life being married as long as you have. Hope you can get this to where you are both comfortable.

PS You did work hard all of your lives to enjoy the fruits of your labor; so enjoy some of it.

[tigo]

With Hubby #1 - no shared vision led to divorce. He couldn't understand that him buyin new clothes all the time meant we had no money to get the kids to the dentist or pay bills. He felt that he made the money that he could spend all of it the way he wanted. I was using the credit cards for necessities like groceries.

With DH- it is mostly shared. We agree on the big stuff. I draw up a budget every month and we review it. He will tweek it here and there but mostly it is pretty close to the original. After that, he is more hands off. We have the same long term goals but we talk about them at least once a quarter to make sure the two of us are on the same page.

[elphie]

We have a shared financial goal but not necessarily the same vision of how best to carry out that goal.

We both think living within our means, being debt free, saving, and paying the house off within the next 10 years is important and this is what we are working toward. I think this is done by living simply, sacrificing, and making due with what we have. Dh thinks this is done by earning more money and still getting to have all the extras.

Since I've started staying at home and have more time and energy to put toward saving we have MORE money but LESS stuff... he's finally starting to see my point.

[monkeywrangler71]

I think that unless you are married to yourself, it's not realistic to expect that you will always share the exact same vision. It is important to have shared values and to be heading in the same basic direction, but at some point you are going to want different things.

You need to compromise. It's not fair for one spouse to decide 100% what is best for both. You enjoy working, that's great keep working. When it comes to the finances, take a step back and look at it objectively. How much of your fear is based on reality. You've been saving your whole life for this, did you meet your goals? Be really honest with yourself and ask if your worries about your husband retiring (really retiring) are a result of your actual situation or are they really your own fear of the unknown. If you really, honestly don't think you'll be okay without him working, then he needs to work. But if not, I think you have to try to let go of the fear enough to allow him to enjoy the lifestyle he earned. My grandmother worked for years at a job she enjoyed while my grandfather puttered around the yard doing what he loved. They made out fine, travelled when they wanted, and my grandmother is 92 now and still has plenty of money left. What would have been the point of him continuing in the job he hated when they didn't need it?

I am much more frugal than my husband, but we both want financial security. My frugality comes from fear, and I can be very uptight about it. My husband is responsible, but not fearful. I'm grateful for our differences, he pulls me towards the centre, and as a result I am able to have things and experiences that I would never allow myself on my own. At the same time, I temper his lifestyle and he is more financially secure than he would be on his own. I'm glad we don't share the exact same vision, instead we compliment each other's vision.

[MoonMommy]

I am a talker. I can't keep any problem to myself. Because of that, Dh and I have a shared "vision" for every part of our life. Financially, he doesn't really care too much. I keep him up to date. I tell him what I am doing with the money, but as long as he has money to get the little things that make him happy, then he doesn't worry about it. He knows that I am trying really hard to get us to a point where we are totally out of debt. He is ok with the plan.

As for the rest of it....We talk all the time about the future, about what we would like to accomplish with the kids, with the house, etc.

While we sometimes disagree, we often talk about things so much, we meet in the middle and agree on things.

[lvngwell]

Do you and someone close (spouse, parent, sib, friend, child, etc.) share a financial vision? Has it always been the same vision? What happened when it began to shift and change?

The hubster and I have equal goals at this point - but he does not care how we get there - where as I DO.

I am the one driving the finances - he just wants to see progress towards our goal and he is happy. He is willing to do anything to help out, holds or has held several jobs at a time whene needed, and hands me every penny without a complaint.

Our idea of retiremnt is so far seeming to be something that will mesh. We both are active and can not see living a sedentary life even when retired. I imagine we will work out the specifics when we get there and see what opportunities we have available based on how well we were able to meet our goals.

Either way, self employment and traveling will be involved as will lots of eating and hobbies - that I know for sure!

[marjorie]

I worry about this question. I have a friend. He is a take-vacation,live in an apt. so you don't have to worry about $$ to fix anything kind of guy. I'm a single parent of 2 grown kids, have had my own house for 20 years, need stability and a fall-back scheme kind of person. So we live seperately because of these differences. <sigh>