I'm stressed-needing a shoulder to cry on

[Suzy]

Hi everyone,
Can I borrow your shoulder to cry on?
I have so much going on (as everyone else) and I am feeling overwhelmed. I know what some advise may be - just say no to some things. The problem is: I can't say no to this stuff.

1. In-laws 50th anniversary
This was Saturday night but it added the stress too.
There are 4 children- DBIL w/ wife, DSIL who lives out of state, DSIL who married a good for nothing ....... and then my DH. DBIL and out of state DSIL apparently had been intouch since last summer concerning the 50th party. We weren't notified until March nor my other DSIL. DBIL was in charge of the food-he hired a caterer. After that, his job was complete. Out of state DSIL did the invitations. Once mailed job over with. Other DSIL ordered the cake. Job over with, baker delivered the cake. During all those weeks I kept asking what our "job" was. 3 weeks ago we were told to book a trip. DH told me to book the house we stayed in in the mountains of TN. I did. Simple enough. Thought everything was fine. WRONG! Invitations came back with wrong addresses. OK not too bad. Out of 175 sent approx 20 came back. Out of state DSIL mailed me the invites and asked if I would get the correct address and re-send. Sure, didn't mind, I did. OK, everything fine. Wrong! Party is (was) planned for April 25. On April 14 at 9pm we recive a phone call. I am to decorate the church. The problem was this isn't a traditional church. Our building used to be a grocery store. Of course it has been remodeled. We have a cafe and an adjoining meeting room that we used for the party. 28 tables. 29 tableclothes to buy, 25 small flower arrangements, 1 large arrangement, cake knife and server b/c DSIL forgot, guest book, candy sachets (150). I volunteer on Wednesdays so on the 15 I scoped out the areas, reserved the areas, took measurements b/c of course we had 6 different size tables, asked what restrictions the church had as for decorations....
Wednesday night I am planning out what I would do. Thursday and Friday I am price shopping nearby by towns and cities and the internet. Saturday started cleaning yards for Mother's Day - more on that later. MOnday went and bought everything I thought I needed. Monday night started cutting flowers, and making arrangements. Finish on Tuesday night - I thought. Wednesday back at church to volunteer (I do lesson plans for the 2,3, and 4 year olds for Sunday mornings) Wednesday night had to hot glue flowers to vases. Thursday started making the sachets. DD and DSS helped some. Friday after getting kids from school took them for haircuts and ran errands for the last minute "forgots" that night started ironing ALL those tableclothes. Wrinkles wouldn't come out. Put on wrinkle release on the dryer, used spray wrinkle release, washed and took out of dyer immediately all to no avail. I had to use a steam iron with starch and iron both sides. Saturday morning DH, myself and the kids were suppose to go to a local children's home to help build a playground with our motorcycle ministry from church. They went. I stayed home and ironed some more. Finally finished by 1:30 and had to leave by 3:15. Got everything done and party was great.

2. DSS received a 1 hour detention for drinking a teachers Sprite and making fun of an overweight child Tuesday. That was nothing compared to what he faced when he got home.

3. DD got a progress report. Failing History with a 66. Normally wouldn't worry if it was earlier in the school year. But she has done poorly in history all year and exams are in a few weeks. Possibly could fail - no summer school available. DD wants to be hjomeschooled again.

4. Rose Festival is this coming weekend (Friday, Saturday & Sunday). DH is President of motorcycle ministry and I am secretary. MM has a booth at the festival. Everyone is suppose to work in shifts. Not us . We are there from the beginning to the end along with the other officers.

5. Next weekend is Mother's Day. Our neighbors are my inlaws. We share a driveway and yards. Since they are getting up in age and we are the closest it is "expected"of us to not only clean our yards but theirs too and set up tables and chairs. Mother's Day is also a family reunion. BIL and SIL live less than .5 of a mile from us but has never helped. Not expected to this year either. They always have an excuse. But are there for the reunion.

See, I can't say no to any of the above. I can only take my tranzene when I need it and take one day at a time.

Thank you for lending me ya'lls shoulder. Felt good to get it out.

[cau]

I'm here for you, Poor baby it has to get better soon

[frugalwarrior]

Hire someone to help with the yard work next door. Hire a shopping helper or pay your kids a bit to help. You don't need to do everything yourself. You sound like me until our pastors lecture. It was on trusting other to help,taking the joy away from other by not sharing the load Etc. Also, Delegate,delegate,delagate. Something I have never been able to do well.
I actually stepped out of leadership roles because grace under pressure definately wasn't my name. Have a sitdown with BIL and SIL just like you would small children and assign tasks. Are you the oldest too. lol

[Persimmon Lace]

The truth is this. You don't have to do this. Period.

Dear bil and sil, we are having to hire a yard person to do the parents yard here is your share of the bill.

Dear bil and sil, we will be setting up tables and chairs at such and such time, you are expected at such and such time to help otherwise we will not be able to have the reunion.

Dear ministry team, we will be working until this time and will come back to help tear down the booth. Hope to see everyone there and that we all minister in a positive way to all who come by the booth!

Dh has been teaching a series of Sunday school lessons on emotionally healthy living according to scripture and the one most people have the hardest time with is "You don't have too". Everything is a choice. It's hard to start saying no and standing your ground but you're going to have to in order to not burn out. If you burn out who will take over?

Will people be mad, pissed off and angry, yes, but life lesson #2 is "you are not entitled" So they will need to make adjustments or suffer the consequences.

If this is a family reunion, I am assuming there is other family coming. You need to enlist them for setup and breaking down otherwise I would cancel the big whole party and have a small get together for my mil. Send out notes, email and voice messages and simply say "this year we will be doing things a little different, I know you will want to be part of setting up and cleaning up for this reunion, let me know what part you want to play in this celebration of family".

[ladykemma2]

i used to be like this. then "the cruise director" quit. the world did not fall apart.

[butterflygreen]

I do this also. So I know how you feel. I hope you get a chance to rest.

[IndigoMom]

Maybe you could plan a cook out/pot luck lunch with the inlaws and have a yard clean up day. Make it more of a family event. We do this with our Mom - at least once a year we ALL go up, wash windows, do yard work, haul what ever she needs up and down to the basement. Even the grandkids pitch in, hauling brush and raking. At the end, we hang out share a meal. It's really a good time for every one. Esp. Mom - she dilligently works on her list to make sure we get it all before we disperse,LOL.

[never2late]

i used to be like this. then "the cruise director" quit. the world did not fall apart.

What a great line! Sounds like me... and yes the world does not fall apart.

[wefdsfhueh]

tuff.

1. In-laws 50th anniversary
This was Saturday night but it added the stress too.
There are 4 children- DBIL w/ wife, DSIL who lives out of state, DSIL who married a good for nothing ....... and then my DH. DBIL and out of state DSIL apparently had been intouch since last summer concerning the 50th party. We weren't notified until March nor my other DSIL. DBIL was in charge of the food-he hired a caterer. After that, his job was complete. Out of state DSIL did the invitations. Once mailed job over with. Other DSIL ordered the cake. Job over with, baker delivered the cake. During all those weeks I kept asking what our "job" was. 3 weeks ago we were told to book a trip. DH told me to book the house we stayed in in the mountains of TN. I did. Simple enough. Thought everything was fine. WRONG! Invitations came back with wrong addresses. OK not too bad. Out of 175 sent approx 20 came back. Out of state DSIL mailed me the invites and asked if I would get the correct address and re-send.

[wefdsfhueh]

e last summer concerning the 50th party. We weren't notified until March nor my other DSIL. DBIL was in charge of the food-he hired a caterer. After that, his job was complete. Out of state DSIL did the invitations. Once mailed job over with. Other DSIL ordered the cake. Job over with, baker delivered the cake. During all those weeks I kept asking what our "job" was. 3 weeks ago we were told to book a trip. DH told me to book the house we stayed in in the mountains of TN. I did. Simple enough. Thought everything was fine. WRONG! Invitations came back with wrong addresses. OK not too bad. Out of 175 sent approx 20 came back. Out of state DSIL mailed me the invites and asked if I would get the correct a

[wefdsfhueh]

e last summer concerning the 50th party. We weren't notified until L mailed me the invites and asked if I would get the correct a

[wefdsfhueh]

e last summer concerning the 50th party. We weren't notified until

[WV_mom_of2]

Once it is all over, take a day or two to do something for YOU!

[Debbie-cat]

I am put in the same type of positions as you becasue I am not one to say no so I know how you feel. Hang in there, soon things will be over. A hug from my hubby always works for me.

[Thevail]

The good news is that you have specific dates so...you know when it will end.

Until then hang tough and good luck!