Future Son in Law Questionnaire

**LastDragonfly** · 04-29-2009, 03:47 PM

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get a son-in-law....They've dropped some hints so my response was....to Jeff (the future groom), You still have to officially ask for my blessing. I will then ask you a list of questions. He actually thought that was a great idea...and wanted to know if he could bring his own list...I said yes.

Now I've started my list....what would you want to know?

Of course I'm asking the standard questions:
Can you afford her?
How do you know?
What are your expectations of her when you get deployed? (he's military)

How will you achieve the goals I know you have (he wants to fly private lear jets)?

I will give my blessings, he is an awesome young man and he tells his friends that I am awesome (he saw an interaction between Ashleigh, me, her father (my ex

) and my husband)...needless to say, I think I scared the you know what outta him after he saw that, but he did tell my bff how awesome I was in protecting Ash..... heee heee.

Anyway, what questions would be on your future in-law questionnaire?

**marjorie** · 04-29-2009, 04:41 PM

I'd be asking about their common goals. I'd also try to get my hands on the questionaire given to Catholics who want to remarry in the church. In order to dissolve the old union, you have this series of questions that's like 18 pages or something. When I thought I might want to get remarried after reading the questions I knew we still had alot to talk about. We did not marry and it was a VERY good thing! I'm so glad you like him~

**Laurie in Bradenton** · 04-29-2009, 04:53 PM

Ask him if they've talked about things like money? Is he a saver or spender? Is it my money and your money? Or our money?
How about reiligion? Are they of the same or similar faith?
Have they talked about moving all over with the service? Is she ready to be hundreds or miles from family and friends with him busy all the time?
Has she finished her schooling? If she wants to go on does he support that? Talk about kids NOW! Have the disscussion of how many, when and disipline.
These may seem like pretty heavy subjects but you'd be surprised how fast they can change a relationship.
My ex had hissy fit when I wanted to have our first child baptised. Believer/Non-believer. It was okay to be married in my church but no child of his was gonna be baptisied and forced into a religion. Who knew we never talked about it.
Current husband had a fit whenI thretened to send child to be with no supper. He had been abused in a foster home by no being fed and was never gonna let a child of his go hungry.
Talk about the things you don't thnk matter, they do!!!

Laurie in Bradenton

**LastDragonfly** · 04-29-2009, 06:01 PM

Thanks, almost all of those questions are on my list! I'm glad I posted this.

**Edna_E** · 04-29-2009, 07:30 PM

I'd ask things about attitudes regarding lifestyles, kids, pets, vacations, pinching pennies when necessary, religion, community service, values, foods, drinking/drugs, etc.

Good idea!

**jamie79** · 04-29-2009, 10:23 PM

As an Army wife I would certainly have ???'s for her as far as the military is concerened

**LastDragonfly** · 04-29-2009, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by jamie79

As an Army wife I would certainly have ???'s for her as far as the military is concerened

Oh you bethcha! That is on the questionnaire for the BOTH of them.

**fixer** · 04-29-2009, 10:59 PM

The question I would ask is "will you put your wife before yourself ?" This could include her happiness, let her spend money on herself before you spend money on yourself, and put her career first. He might not have to do these things but if he is willing it says a lot about him. Unconditional love is giving your partner anything in order to make them happy because, in the end, if they are happy you are happy.

**frugalwarrior** · 04-29-2009, 11:15 PM

I would research their commonality w/ them. We didn't understand some of the ramifications of our differences. For example, my husband wasn't honest about religion. He said he was agnostic. That meant he was atheist and didn't want to tell me because I was religious. I "knew" I could change him from agnostic to christian because I was naive and young. We lived w/ these differences fairly well until we had children then it became huge.
I thought I didn't want any children. Then I changed my mind once I had one I wanted many. He was afraid of the resposibility and expressed in the 7th month of my second viable pregnancy that he thought we would only have one child.
Discuss in depth with them scenarios instead of questionaires. You have experience. They will prob.think what you have to say is outdated and won't apply to them. Ask her though if she is willing to have all the resposibility of kids because he has shipped out somewhere. Maybe questionaires given seperately then compared wouldn't be bad? Good Luck and congrats possibly.

**Momto2Boyz** · 04-30-2009, 08:46 AM

I would simply ask them the same questions at different times. Ask them what their life goals are. Where they see them selves in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years etc. Then ask them how they expect to get to these goals.

Then compare answers. And see how in tune they are with each other. If they have differing opinions, then it's a good point for them to start a conversation with each other and get on the same page!

**kellieetter** · 04-30-2009, 09:38 AM

Yes money is a big one even though they may not think so! I am recently married, I am almost 28 and my husband is 22! And we have had major tests over money, even though we had the talk its important to throw life situations at them and see had they would cope.

**mombottoo** · 04-30-2009, 02:53 PM

The only question I would ever ask a future son/daughter if I were inclined to ask them questions is, "Do you love ........ enough to die for him/her?"

**TigerGirl1226** · 04-30-2009, 05:31 PM

Ask him I he acknowledges that he is making a life long commitment. Realistically, we know marriages end, but you should enter the union with the mindset that is it for life. Big one for me! Good luck you all.

**Thevail** · 05-01-2009, 01:21 AM

I'd ask both of them what they see as a "fair" split of responsibilities in a relationship.

I'd also ask them to define some words..like "romance", "fun" , "mother", "father",
"annoyed", "angry". I know it sounds simple, but knowing what the other person means by those words can play a crucial role in being able to communicate effectively. Not everyone's idea of "fun" is the same.

**mamamia** · 05-01-2009, 03:38 AM

Originally Posted by mombottoo

The only question I would ever ask a future son/daughter if I were inclined to ask them questions is, "Do you love ........ enough to die for him/her?"

I feel the same way! As her mother, that's all I would need to know to make ~ME~ happy, that she'll be loved and cherished by this man. All the other things will be between him and her, and rightfully so.

It's their lives. They're old enough to marry, they'll know how to do the rest. Allow them to "live and learn" like the rest of us did. I'm sure your daughter sees what she wants and needs in him. She'll be fine

BTW, congratulations to you and your family! Enjoy the wedding!

Theresa