That actually kind of hurt my feelings

**IndigoMom** · 05-20-2009, 09:02 AM

It's not often that Dh actually hurts my feelings. Last night, he came home from work at 11:30pm, I stayed up to heat him a plate for dinner and actually wanted to talk about my day too.
Basketball was on. He forgot to record it, forgot to ask me to when he called, and I didn't even think to check. He's a sports buff - always was, this is not news to me, plus "his" team was playing.

Still, even knowing all this...It hurt my feelings when, as I'm chatting away getting his dinner together - I stop to ask him a meal related question to which he responds (now from the living room) "What, yeah hold on a second, in a minute."

Never heard a word I said, just walked right out while I was talking to him. I'll admit, I had nothing profound nor anything that would qualify as particularly tittalating to say about my day.
Was excited about painting patio furniture, thought it was hystarical my sister locked the keys in her car first thing in the morning, then proceeded to lock the keys in her truck when we got to the mall in the afternoon - so even though we got there an hour before her shift was to start to share an icecream and walk around for a bit - she ended up being 10 minutes late by the time we realized it, borrowed a car, and drove home for her spare.
I certainly can't tell HER how funny I thought that was...not for a couple of days at least, LOL.
I didn't get angry with him about it, but it did hurt my feelings. He chats so much in detail about his days, and I listen patiently even though I have NO idea what he's talking about for the most part (he's in aesbestous abatment now). When he was working for a mill - he talked to me in such detail about a safty hazzard between 2 machines everyone kept having issues about I was able to design a simple build to remedy it - he won an award ($200 WalMart gift card, he gave it to me

) for it! But the one time I'm excited about something...nothing

He did appologize, right then and when the game was over. I'm okay with it...but part of me wants to tell him tonight that he can wait for Kobe to come heat his dinner for him tonight :p

**Michelle** · 05-20-2009, 09:14 AM

I'm sure he meant nothing by it, but if it were me, I would have walked out of the kitchen and gone to do my own thing. He would have had to get his own dinner ready. I have real issues with people coming before me, and if it were sports, well then I'd really let him have it. :fryingpan:

**IndigoMom** · 05-20-2009, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by Michelle

I'm sure he meant nothing by it, but if it were me, I would have walked out of the kitchen and gone to do my own thing. He would have had to get his own dinner ready. I have real issues with people coming before me, and if it were sports, well then I'd really let him have it. :fryingpan:

Thank you, I know he didn't mean anything by it. That's partly why I'm suprised that it hurt...we've been married almost 8 years, together for closer to 10 - I should know better. Not that sports come before me - but how he is about them. It was the last few minutes of the game, his team was down, and came back to win...The bench is still red, and I still think that was kind of funny with my sister and her keys - it could have waited.
Kind of funny though, this morning he's way into over kill with interest...He tries.

**Debbie-cat** · 05-20-2009, 09:49 AM

Awww, he didn't mean anything by it. This is how men are.. they seem to only be able to focus on one thing at a time. Like I always tell my hubby.... "you can't chew bubblegum and walk at the same time"!

Since he apologized, I would let it go. Sometimes people (women included) need to decompress when getting home from work and let their mind unwind. Maybe that is what he was doing....focussing on sports is something he doesn't have to think about. After that time then they are ready to listen to everything that happened during your day, can concentrate on what they are saying and be able to offer the laughter, hugs, or encouragement that you want. I know this because this is how my hubby is as well. I usually give him a kiss when he walks in the door than leave him alone for a while so he can play on his computer or watch t.v. and then I tell him everything!

**LeeCee** · 05-20-2009, 10:10 AM

I go through this all the time with my husband. he is a big sports fan especially now orlando magic in the playoffs!! I know this is how men are but it really is disrespectful. it hurts me too and really makes me angry. it doesn't even have to be sports it could be a commercial and he will stare off at the tv like he is in a trance!! I hate it!!

**frugalwarrior** · 05-20-2009, 11:01 AM

A long time ago a friend told me a phrase that gets me by "There only men, I don't know what you expect". I go with this with my husband all the time. We are always on cram time. He works out of state M-F most weeks now. I write notes on what I want to tell him. Business first-cats sick,taxes dones,tree cut down,etc. Next, funny stuff. Sometimes e-mail but I have to tell him I sent it as he easily gets over 100 e-mails a day. I hate to say it but he needs "wind down time" after work.
1. men don't share the same way we do.
2. They don't need to verbalize as much
3. He has no idea intuitively he hurt your feelings.
4. Get over it, Don't wreck the precious time you have being mad.
5. Schedule times to talk. Oh, As soon as your game is in 1/2 time I have to tell you the funniest thing.
The game was on only then. You can be on another time. When my husband was home working it was excruciating not to talk to him when I knew he was in the bsmt. but I learned to write notes.
You know he loves you. Right.

**norcalmommy** · 05-20-2009, 11:27 AM

I can relate. My hubby and I have been married for 10 years and together for 17 years. We started dating in the 10th grade. When he comes home from work, I let him be. I give him some food and let him relax for a little bit.

My dad was the same way. As kids we didn't bother my dad for about an hour after he got home from work. With DH I give him about 1/2 an hour before I try to have a conversation. I don't know what it is, but they need some down time to civil, lol.

**Nishu** · 05-20-2009, 11:31 AM

K y'all- enough with the man bashing. No one who works until 11:30 at night should be expected to be an awesome listener- man or woman.

Let it roll off your back, dear. It sounds to me like you have an awesome guy who is just going to need a free pass every once in a while.

**IndigoMom** · 05-20-2009, 12:20 PM

Thank you all. Trust me, I'm not letting it ruin any time he is all mine. I know how he is with his sports - heck, they had a yo-yo with his team logo on it, and I bought it for him yesterday - at the Dollar Store. This morning, I let him sleep, and I took the dog for her walk. He usually does it. I'm just usually so much better at letting it slide - silly stuff like that never bothers me. I'll tease by saying "It's ok, deep down you're just a boy" Or tell him that's why I'm the Mommy and he's not.
May be it's because he's been out of work for so long - he's only working these 2 days this whole month, and there is nothing else on the board until the end of June...and I'm getting to be a bit of a spoiled brat with him home so much. With the nice weather, we've been working on stuff together so much, and it's been nice. Not me giving him "chores" to do to get him out of my way so I can do mine, LOL.How strange does THAT sound?!

**Thevail** · 05-21-2009, 03:08 AM

Sometimes it hurts more later on in the relationship than it would have earlier on. It's every woman's worst nightmare that he gets so bored and "done" with talking to you that he doesn't even hear you anymore.

But at least he realized what he did and that it was wrong and apologized. A lot of guys don't even get that far.

**nadine64** · 05-21-2009, 03:38 AM

Originally Posted by IndigoMom

II'm okay with it...but part of me wants to tell him tonight that he can wait for Kobe to come heat his dinner for him tonight :p

Hilarious. Good to see you still have a sense of humor over it.

**pop goes the weasel** · 05-21-2009, 07:09 AM

Same here. In themiddle of a conversation a hockey game comes on and then he's in a whole other world. You could tell the kitchen was on fire and he'd ask you to get him a sandwich lol.

**dean** · 05-21-2009, 07:16 AM

Originally Posted by pop goes the weasel

Same here. In themiddle of a conversation a hockey game comes on and then he's in a whole other world. You could tell the kitchen was on fire and he'd ask you to get him a sandwich lol.

Grilled Cheese?

**tigo** · 05-21-2009, 08:11 AM

My DH is a loner by nature. It isn't easy for him to come home to a house of people who want to talk and share with him first thing. (He lived alone until he was 44- so to join me and my brood was a big change) So we have a policy that everyone gets an hour of decompression time after they get off work/school. This started with him but the kids love it now that they are working. Keeps me from pouncing on them the minute they get home.